popuso – v. to throw a box of recently-used, wet, condoms out onto the freeway while going 75 mph, and making sure that there is at least one car behind you.

Tags: car, condom, freeway, popuso, sex, verb

nolode – v. to throw a bunch of tomatoes out of your car window at 80 mph

Tags: car, nolode, tomato, verb

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Tags: car, truck

isidro – n. dried bug guts on your windshield that stays there for a very long time

Tags: bug, car, isidro, noun

“now what im looking for in a guy or my mr right :

A guy that will actually put in effort to know me and wanna get to know me and be interested in me someone who is ready to meet someone and is at a point in there life where they want to settle down and have something serious

Also a guy who will make time and put in effort to get to know me

A guy who was raised right and knows how to treat a women right

i like a guy who has a nice body and likes to work out and takes care of himself

someone who would have no problem being there for me being my rock and protecting me

i want a guy who will really be there for me thru thick and thin !!

a guy who doesn’t smoke sorry but i dont want a guy with a nasty habit and this means any kind of smokiing ,

a guy who has a car really come on if u dont sorry but i like guys that actually have themselves together u know

a guy that has a sweet side to them , fun guy someone who likes to text and cuddle

I want a guy who will actually listen to me when i talk

a guy Who will dry my tears for me and be there and hug me

a guy who will stand up for me and protect me

and a guy who will love me and only me i want to be the only one not one of them

Also a guy who would love to see me and hang out someone who actually wants to get to know me

THE NUMBER ONE THING I LOVE IS FOR A GUY TO BE ROMANTIC AND SURPRISE ME Lol

if u actually read it and think this is you then dont be shy and hesitate thank u bye”

- from a girl’s dating profile

Tags: car, dating, girl, profile, smoke, tears

This form was submitted:  Sep 23 2003 / 08:43:28

name = Go Smoke A Toilet
type = Poems
title = Xylophone pieces
submission = Gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…gi gi gi gi gi gi gi woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…anyone hear me yet?  can I get a w00t w00t…w00t w00t…w00t w00t…ride wit me…ugh…I think I’m gonna go to the bathroom now…ahhhh…that feels good.  Yes.  No.  Maybe.  Why?  I don’t know.  Should I know?  A few bad apples ruin the bunch.  Throw a crumpled car out of the airplane window and SHOVE IT…SHOVE IT…SHOVE IT…SHOVE IT WHEN I’M TALKIN TO YOU!!!  Clip out the newspaper article of the eon.  EeEeEeEeEeon.  Why did I do this?  This is a pooooooooeeeeeeeeemmmmmmmm.  Deal with it.  I can make it however I want!!!  Hahahahahahaha…you don’t stand a chance against me!!!   Lookin’ for fights, eh?  Well, you tell those whackos in tights to get outta my bar and stop singing as if they’re in a movie!!!

End

Tags: airplane, car, window, xylaphone

Tagged People: Go Smoke A Toilet

A girl spent about 10 minutes trying to fix a paper jam for the paperwork she was printing out for me after davepoobond gets his car serviced.

She opens the back of the printer, and for about 30 seconds she is digging in it without being able to look in, and finally she pulls out a piece of paper.

davepoobond: “It’s a boy!”

Obviously she didn’t get it as a joke because her emotional response was not indicative of understanding it as one.  And then the printer paper jammed again as more sheets were printing.

- at a car dealer service area

Tags: A DPB Tag, car

Tagged People: davepoobond

Q: How many black guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two.  One to screw in the light bulb, the other to drive the pink Cadillac.

Tags: black, car, light bulb, pink

Tagged People: fuckers

Q: What do you call 4 black guys in a car?

A: Tinted windows.

Tags: black, car, window

Tagged People: mathewl_1988

“I work, save, and I have a car. I believe that everyone, man or woman, should do the same…”

- from a girl’s dating profile

Tags: car, dating, girl, profile

“This car is my sister in law and my brother I love there car”

- from a girl’s dating profile

Tags: brother, car, dating, girl, profile

Automatic Man messaged me what I had written on Squackle as an update…

-

Automatic Man: Yesterday, I was driving on a freeway back from KFC, with a large (the really big one) box of Popcorn Chicken (mmh mmh do I love Popcorn Chicken) when all of a sudden something brown flew through the air and then smashed into my windwhield and made two huge holes in it. Glass flew everywhere, and I don’t know what the hell it was or whether someone threw it or if it got thrown up by another car’s tires. If it was someone throwing it, I want to kill them, because now I have to replace the windshield of the Turbo Diesel Ground Force (the name of my car).

Automatic Man: ahahahaaha

Automatic Man: it was me!

davepoobond: wtf?

davepoobond: what are you talkin about

davepoobond: you didn’t throw that shit

Automatic Man: shhh! yes i did

davepoobond: what was it then

Automatic Man: a big brown thing, possibly a rock

davepoobond: unh hunh..

Automatic Man: its true

davepoobond: why aren’t you more specific

Automatic Man: cuz i was high at the time

Automatic Man: because i got high

Automatic Man: becuase i got high

davepoobond: i saw you right after i came into the school parking lot, jackass

Auto response from Automatic Man: stupid research paper! brb

Automatic Man: ya i drive and run just that fast

Automatic Man: mmm english muffin

Automatic Man: >:o

davepoobond: english muffins are good toasted

davepoobond: you know what else is good toasted?

davepoobond: the En Vogue CD “funky DIVAS”

Automatic Man: lol

Automatic Man: i had a toasted english muffin with yogurt butter on it (its like butter, but made from yogurt so its not as bad for you)

davepoobond: yeah i have that yogurt butter crap too

davepoobond: its good

davepoobond: better than substitute shit

Automatic Man: brummel and brown baby

davepoobond: yeahhh!

davepoobond: me too

davepoobond: the big ol’ tubs

Automatic Man: its good shit

Automatic Man: i have a small 1

davepoobond: we used to get small ones

Automatic Man: but we dont use it that much

davepoobond: they stopped sellin them small or something

davepoobond: there’s these tubs

davepoobond: that last about a month or something

Automatic Man: hmmm

davepoobond: around here anyway

Automatic Man: like a regular size butter 1? or the gigantic dave size TUBs?

davepoobond: you know the “i can’t believe its not butter” tubs

davepoobond: that size

Automatic Man: ya

Automatic Man: thats wut i have

Automatic Man: bout 3 inches in diamter

davepoobond: its a pound

Automatic Man: hmm

Automatic Man: i dunno

davepoobond: it says what it weighs on there

Automatic Man: but were having too deep a conversation about butter

davepoobond: its not butter

davepoobond: its 35% veggie oil

Automatic Man: whatever the hell it is

davepoobond: 25% yogurt

davepoobond: and the rest is butter i guess

Automatic Man: lol

davepoobond: do you know who En Vogue is

Automatic Man: singer?

davepoobond: no

davepoobond: its a group

davepoobond: of 4 black females

Automatic Man: oh

Automatic Man: o well

davepoobond: there’s a movie named “duets”

davepoobond: and i have the soundtrack for some reason

davepoobond: it has the guy from big fat liar that was colored blue

davepoobond: i dont know his name

Automatic Man: o

davepoobond: did you finish your research paper

Automatic Man: not yet

Automatic Man: almost

davepoobond: i’ve got 8 pgs

davepoobond: 8 full pgs

Automatic Man: oh

Automatic Man: well

Automatic Man: see right now im using wordpad cuz this POS comp doesnt have word so i have to move it to my good comp after i finish so i can actually break it down into PAGES

davepoobond: heh

davepoobond: the spice girls are kinda funny

Auto response from Automatic Man: id like to talk, but im on the home stretch of my research paper, and i wanna finish soon

Tags: butter, car, rock, school

Tagged People: Automatic Man, davepoobond, En Vogue, Paul Giamatti, Spice Girls

Unholytank: my cat pastway last night

Zanbon: this is awkward

Zanbon: my cat died last night too

Zanbon: he was in the car whenmy mom’s car ran off the road and crashed into that tree

Zanbon: wow is all i have left

Tags: car, cat, World of Warcraft

Tagged People: Unholytank, Zanbon

Tags: boy, car

Tagged People: Michael Jackson

Tags: car, road