Joke #18073

Joe sets up his friend Mike on a blind date with a young lady-friend of his. But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he’s never seen before. “What do I do if she’s really unattractive?” says Mike. “I’ll be stuck with her all night.”

“Don’t worry,” Joe says, “just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don’t just shout ‘Aaaaaauuuggghhh!’ and fake an asthma attack.”

So that night, Mike knocks at the girl’s door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how attractive and sexy she is. He’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts:

“Aaaaaauuuggghhh!”

 

Your Blind Date is a Dud If…

If you’re a fellow who goes out on a lot of blind dates, you’ve got to beware of real duds.  Your blind date is a dud if:

– She’s the kind of girl who uses too much perfume and not enough deodorant.

– She yells downstairs that she’ll be ready as soon as she finds her wig and false teeth.

– She sticks her bublegum behind her ear to kiss you hello.

– You have to stand on a chair to kiss her hello.

If you’re a girl who goes out on blind dates, you’ve got to beware of losers.  Girls, your blind date is a loser if:

– He has more hair on his face than he does on his head.

– He picks the lock of your front door instead of knocking.

– He shows up driving a hearse.

– He asks you if you’d like something to drink and takes you to the water fountain in the park.

– He takes you to a fancy restaurant wearing a tee shirt with another girl’s picture printed on it.

– When he meets your parents, he picks a fight with them.

 

Joke #9189

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.

“I’ll be ready in a few minutes,” she said. “Why don’t you play with Rollo while you’re waiting?” He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he’ll jump through.”

The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over.  Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through — and over the balcony railing. Just then Paul’s date walked out.

“Isn’t Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you’ve ever seen?”

“To tell the the truth,” he replied, “he seemed a little depressed to me.”