Today Is Stupid Day

This entry is part 8 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

Its official, today is Stupid Day. Here’s another customer story that just happened.

A bizarre lady called and asked if we rented out caps and gowns for her Masters graduation, and I told her no, we don’t, you have to buy them. She also volunteered to tell me that she was with the History department, like I could give a fuck about that in the first place.

So she proceeded to say this to me:

"I have to BUY my graduation robe? Well, I guess I’m not graduating then." And then hung up.

What the fuck is with these people today??

I also heard that another customer argued with a manager for a half and hour about returning a pen or pencil he bought a month ago (with no receipt to show, as well). And then there was ANOTHER lady who called us and asked us how to put her Masters Hood on, and she was a retard because when we tried to tell her what to do, she didn’t even do it right.


The Petition Bitch

This entry is part 7 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

A lady petitioning against the Cal State University budget cuts came into the store and solicited us to sign her stupid petition. I don’t sign anything so I said no, and no for all the people around me.

So then the bitch went deeper into the store and asked more customers to sign it. Which is not allowed, since we do not allow solicitors inside the store, no matter what their cause. Ironically, she was having an off-duty Community Service Officer (basically a junior cop and security guard for the store) sign the petition.

I called the on-duty CSOs in the camera room and told them about the Petition Bitch and tell her that she can’t be inside the store doing that shit. So, the guy came out and told her to leave.

During that time, the off-duty CSO came over to the Customer Service desk where I worked and told me that he signed the petition, and as the Petition Bitch was leaving she asked him to sign the petition again AFTER she was told she couldn’t do that in the store, not to mention she already got him to sign it.

What a bitch.


Can I Take These Now and Pay Later?

This entry is part 5 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

A weird lady came by the Customer Service desk holding a cassette tape and some other electronic thing in her hand.

She said "I lost my wallet, so I was wondering if it was okay if I could take these now and pay for them later."
As she was about to explain more of her reasoning, I cut her off and said "No."

She said "Oh okay, I understand," and walked away.

Fucking weirdo.


Dream #10963

I had a dream where I was running through a casino with no shirt on.  I also had no chest hair, no shoes or socks, and only wearing some shorts with palm trees on them over my boxers.

I had just woken up from a disjointed bedroom that was disconnected from the other part of the room or something, and I was asking which way it was to the room, but I didn’t know anything about it.

Then I was transported into a small swimming pool in a dark place where I started doing some hot chicks.


Coin Collecting Journal 4/2/08

This entry is part 10 of 11 in the series Coin Collecting Journal

Coins found recently:

Penny: 1959-D

Penny: 1961-D

Canadian Penny: 1991

Nickel: 1940-D

Nickel: 1958

Nickel: 1969-S

Canadian Dime: 1982

Canadian Dime: 2004

3 Bicentennial Quarters

2 Quarters: Utah 2007-D

Half Dollar: 1999-D

Presidential Dollar: James Monroe – 2008-D


The Laughing Monkey Girl

This entry is part 4 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

There was a laughing monkey girl that visited work yesterday.

This monkey girl was making a weird high pitched sound that sounded like "EEE EEE EEEEEEEEE." It sounded like a squeaky wheel at first or something wrong with the escalator.

It was only later that I figured out that was her actual laugh!

Some asshole was making her laugh more, and the whole time i was like "where the fuck is that sound coming from??"

It was so annoying, you could hear it clear across the store. I thought she was dying, cause it made no sense to me how someone could be making that noise unintentionally.

I didn’t even see her until she walked past the Customer Service desk where I worked, and I just stared in awe at this weird short white girl with nasty long hair laughing with that high pitched noise with some gay dude hugging her as he was laughing.

I guess he was laughing at her laugh, which in turn made her laugh even more.

After they left, another worker from the other side of the store popped her head out from behind a rack of clothing, and looked towards me, asking "Did you HEAR that?? What WAS that???"

That was weird.


Coin Collecting Journal 3/7/08

This entry is part 8 of 11 in the series Coin Collecting Journal

Found a few coins recently to add to the collection:

Penny – 1963-D

Nickel – 1961

Nickel – 1963

Nickel – 1967

2 Nickels – 1969-S

Nickel – 2005-P (rare around here for some reason)

Canadian Nickel – 1978


My Bowling Scores

These are all the bowling scores that I’ve been able to write down for myself:


92, 84, 117


92, 76


78, 91




118, 85


85, 84, 75


55, 101


78, 82


88, 100


105, 93


80, 84, 69


# of games recorded: 24

Average: 87

Highest: 118

<100 scored games: 19

100-199 scored games: 5

200+ scored games: 0

I usually use a 8, 10, or 12 pound ball.  More often 10 or 12 pounds.


Will I Ever Poop?

It is a blocked off one way street for me.

I am totally delusional about any possibility of pooping that might stem from any food that I have.

No one will ever be poop with me.  She never pooped with me… I never had a chance to poop, I don’t have a chance to poop with anyone. Was there ever an opportunity? Guess not, after all. I truly am naive about this stuff, and I’ll never catch up with those assholes that treat their poop like shit. But I don’t want to be someone that poops the first poop that ever goes out my ass either. But I’ll probably end up being that kind of person if it ever even happens.

This shit is lame, why do I have to get worked up over this crap when I know what the ending will be?  Poop stays the same.

I’d like to think that someday it’ll happen, but will it? No one cares. I should probably stop caring, too. I’m starting to think I’m constipated.  Am I really? I think I am. I probably am.  Constipation is the word of the day. I create these situations, and feel like something may happen, but they never do. How many times has this happened to me? Is it 10 times, now? When is going to be the next one? It’s like I’ve been on a toilet for 10 years.

I am constipated. I eat things that do not exist, as if only to hurt myself and to make myself even more constipated, trying to attach myself to the next poop that might even show some sort of unintentional interest to come out of me. I probably need a fucking doctor.

I’m as pitiful as you are. Probably even more so. I make fun of the things you poop, but are they so far from what I actually feel like pooping?

Can I stop myself from not pooping into another constipation? I don’t know how I can when its all I fucking think about. I always think about how it would be just great to poop, as if it actually would make things better. Would things even be better? No, who am I kidding? I’m only creating more poop for myself to fall into and think endlessly about, and waste my time when I should probably just be pooping. Or does THAT even matter? Will I even remember that I pooped the next time I poop? No, of course not. Very unlikely, after all. Just another one of my delusions of thinking that I could take a crap without thinking so heavily.

What can I do? I have no idea.

I never understood how poops can even begin. Its like “hey let’s be a poop?” Fuck. How the hell am I supposed to know? How do you even poop one if you don’t know how it becomes poop?  It hurts my bowels.

I really don’t want to poop alone, but it seems that it’ll be the case when I get to the end of the road.