Dream #10963

I had a dream where I was running through a casino with no shirt on.  I also had no chest hair, no shoes or socks, and only wearing some shorts with palm trees on them over my boxers.

I had just woken up from a disjointed bedroom that was disconnected from the other part of the room or something, and I was asking which way it was to the room, but I didn’t know anything about it.

Then I was transported into a small swimming pool in a dark place where I started doing some hot chicks.


Coin Collecting Journal 4/2/08

This entry is part 10 of 11 in the series Coin Collecting Journal

Coins found recently:

Penny: 1959-D

Penny: 1961-D

Canadian Penny: 1991

Nickel: 1940-D

Nickel: 1958

Nickel: 1969-S

Canadian Dime: 1982

Canadian Dime: 2004

3 Bicentennial Quarters

2 Quarters: Utah 2007-D

Half Dollar: 1999-D

Presidential Dollar: James Monroe – 2008-D


The Laughing Monkey Girl

This entry is part 4 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

There was a laughing monkey girl that visited work yesterday.

This monkey girl was making a weird high pitched sound that sounded like "EEE EEE EEEEEEEEE." It sounded like a squeaky wheel at first or something wrong with the escalator.

It was only later that I figured out that was her actual laugh!

Some asshole was making her laugh more, and the whole time i was like "where the fuck is that sound coming from??"

It was so annoying, you could hear it clear across the store. I thought she was dying, cause it made no sense to me how someone could be making that noise unintentionally.

I didn’t even see her until she walked past the Customer Service desk where I worked, and I just stared in awe at this weird short white girl with nasty long hair laughing with that high pitched noise with some gay dude hugging her as he was laughing.

I guess he was laughing at her laugh, which in turn made her laugh even more.

After they left, another worker from the other side of the store popped her head out from behind a rack of clothing, and looked towards me, asking "Did you HEAR that?? What WAS that???"

That was weird.


Coin Collecting Journal 3/7/08

This entry is part 8 of 11 in the series Coin Collecting Journal

Found a few coins recently to add to the collection:

Penny – 1963-D

Nickel – 1961

Nickel – 1963

Nickel – 1967

2 Nickels – 1969-S

Nickel – 2005-P (rare around here for some reason)

Canadian Nickel – 1978


My Bowling Scores

These are all the bowling scores that I’ve been able to write down for myself:


92, 84, 117


92, 76


78, 91




118, 85


85, 84, 75


55, 101


78, 82


88, 100


105, 93


80, 84, 69


# of games recorded: 24

Average: 87

Highest: 118

<100 scored games: 19

100-199 scored games: 5

200+ scored games: 0

I usually use a 8, 10, or 12 pound ball.  More often 10 or 12 pounds.


Will I Ever Poop?

It is a blocked off one way street for me.

I am totally delusional about any possibility of pooping that might stem from any food that I have.

No one will ever be poop with me.  She never pooped with me… I never had a chance to poop, I don’t have a chance to poop with anyone. Was there ever an opportunity? Guess not, after all. I truly am naive about this stuff, and I’ll never catch up with those assholes that treat their poop like shit. But I don’t want to be someone that poops the first poop that ever goes out my ass either. But I’ll probably end up being that kind of person if it ever even happens.

This shit is lame, why do I have to get worked up over this crap when I know what the ending will be?  Poop stays the same.

I’d like to think that someday it’ll happen, but will it? No one cares. I should probably stop caring, too. I’m starting to think I’m constipated.  Am I really? I think I am. I probably am.  Constipation is the word of the day. I create these situations, and feel like something may happen, but they never do. How many times has this happened to me? Is it 10 times, now? When is going to be the next one? It’s like I’ve been on a toilet for 10 years.

I am constipated. I eat things that do not exist, as if only to hurt myself and to make myself even more constipated, trying to attach myself to the next poop that might even show some sort of unintentional interest to come out of me. I probably need a fucking doctor.

I’m as pitiful as you are. Probably even more so. I make fun of the things you poop, but are they so far from what I actually feel like pooping?

Can I stop myself from not pooping into another constipation? I don’t know how I can when its all I fucking think about. I always think about how it would be just great to poop, as if it actually would make things better. Would things even be better? No, who am I kidding? I’m only creating more poop for myself to fall into and think endlessly about, and waste my time when I should probably just be pooping. Or does THAT even matter? Will I even remember that I pooped the next time I poop? No, of course not. Very unlikely, after all. Just another one of my delusions of thinking that I could take a crap without thinking so heavily.

What can I do? I have no idea.

I never understood how poops can even begin. Its like “hey let’s be a poop?” Fuck. How the hell am I supposed to know? How do you even poop one if you don’t know how it becomes poop?  It hurts my bowels.

I really don’t want to poop alone, but it seems that it’ll be the case when I get to the end of the road.


Sunday is a Great Day for Unmitigated Bargaining

This entry is part 3 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

So, there was some stupid lady customer at work today.

She got a package of books that was 124.90 or somethin, and said that it was supposed to be like 90 something. So she brought down the book she bought along with another package that encased similar books (but not the exact same books) that was "in the same stack."

She has already bought the more expensive package and wanted a price adjustment to make the more expensive one into the lower-priced one.

I could tell right away when I looked at both of the packages, I told her, "these are different books."

She wouldn’t have it. She was stubborn in that she should still get a price adjustment, since the shelf tag said that the book she bought was supposed to be lower than what she paid.

To make matters worse, one of the textbook reps said it was okay to do the price adjustment. They probably didn’t notice that there were different books in the packages.

It just so happened that the book manager was there, so she asked what was happening, just as I was about to call her. After explaining the situation again, the customer went off on the manager saying "well, they said I could do it upstairs!" to which the book manager said "I don’t know why they did that, since *I* am the manager."

To explain the situation more plainly, the customer wanted to buy a completely different package of books priced at its own price for a completely different package of books priced lower than the one she bought, seemingly regardless of which package she actually needed.

Eventually the customer accused us of price fraud because we charged her more than the "advertised price" and wouldn’t adjust the price, saying "OH OK SO ITS MY FAULT THAT THEY PLACED BOOKS IN THE WRONG STACK."

She eventually stormed off after accusing us after accusing us of price fraud like 3 times, but wouldn’t even go with the book manager to look at the prices for the books. The shelf tags say right on them which ISBN is at which price, as well.

Not to mention it was painfully obvious that the included books were different from each other, she obviously didn’t even know which one she actually needed since she thought both packages were the same.


A Weird Call From A Guy Looking For Brad

On March 3, 2005 @ 10:45 a.m. I had a weird call…this is how it went

(phone rings)

Dave: hello?
Guy: brad?
Dave: …hello?
Guy: brad?
Dave: hello?
Guy: can you hear me?
Dave: yeah
Guy: was i breaking up?
Dave: yeah
Guy: ok can you hear me now?
Dave: yeah
Guy: ok do you have any questions you had for me?

I hang up.

A minute later, phone rings again. Nothing is said either from my way or his way. I just leave it in silence, he probably thinks its breaking up again.

Guy: brad….brad.

I just hang up again. I’m hoping this guy will just figure out he’s been calling the wrong number


The Legend of the Slider Cell Phone

I wrote this in what seems like 2004, or thereabouts, while sliding cell phones were the new thing, and just came out. My sister wanted a slider cell phone and we were looking to upgrade our phones relatively soon. The following is an account of what had happened:

Well the whole reason behind the cell phone upgrade thing in the first place is because my sister’s cell phone didn’t have the screen working anymore, cause she dropped on the cement.

Anyhow, my mom spent an hour today at her lunch break finding out about all the stuff.

Today after she got home, we spent about 2 hours to go and look at phones, me, my sister, my mom, and my sister’s friend came along too

While we were there, we were lookin at all the phones, and then when the sales guy came over to talk to us, he said that if we upgrade to “GSM” we’d have to replace all of our phones, which were “TDMA.”

My sister wanted a “slider” phone, especially one that she had “seen on MTV.”

My mom was fine with her phone, the TDMA one, she didn’t really care to upgrade, it was for my sister that we were there in the first place.

So we have to all upgrade to the GSM system, which means getting new phones and paying for them. Through the course of my sister’s constant blabbering about a slider phone she saw on MTV that she couldn’t describe, she asked if one of the computers at the front desk had internet access.

The guy said yes, and then she said “go to sliderphone.com.” Which is pretty stupid in itself.

So, getting 4 new phones is a lot of money, if each of them is like 100-150 dollars each. The slider phone that my sister wanted is like 200 or something. And we find out that it isn’t even FOR AT&T (which is what we have), but for Verizon only. So the whole thing was pretty stupid after having spent so much time discussing about her stupid slider phone.

So then my mom asks the guy more questions, and then she writes down some phone and model numbers of what we are probably going to decide on getting.

Of course, my sister, being unsatisfied, was pushing my mom so that she could get a slider phone.

She was like “is it possible if you 3 were on AT&T and I was on verizon?” Stupid things like that.

And it finally got to the point that my mom got really mad at her, because my sister constantly kept pushing her to get the goddamn slider phone.

Before she got really mad though, my mom was going to check out Verizon and see if it was a better deal. If it wasn’t, she wasn’t going to do it, because she was happy with AT&T. The only reason she would switch to Verizon would be for the costs, and also because we get shitty reception here for ATT.

SO, we get home, and then my sister doesn’t thank my mom at all, and just goes into her room.

My mom says “you don’t even say thank you for me having to spend so much time for doing all this?”

My sister doesn’t say anything and just closes the door to her room.

Even after my mom told her to say thank you, my sister didn’t say thank you. Which is real bad because, basically, you do what you’re told when it comes to the parents telling us stuff to do.

Later on, about half an hour later I say thank you to my mom for “offering me to be able to have my phone upgraded.”

Also, later, I found out the reason why my sister doesn’t say thank you later on when my sister went out to the living room to talk to her. She said its because she “doesn’t like being told to say thank you, she wanted to do it later” like that would really make it better, which it didn’t, it just made it worse cause she waited so long.

And then my mom and my sister talk blah blah blah, and then my sister says “well, why doesn’t david have to say thank you?” and then my mom said “he already did. Its YOU the reason why I’m doing all this anyhow. If I told David he couldn’t get an upgrade, he would just say ‘ok’ and not care. But with YOU, you just have to keep on pushing and pushing.”

And then they hug, and that seems like it may be the end of it.

But it isn’t.

They talk some more, and they travel over to my sister’s room, and when they finish talking, my sister mutters something like “i don’t understand why I can’t get a slider phone” or something like that as she goes into her room.

And that did it for my mom, she started yelling at her saying that she was spoiled, and she couldn’t get everything she wanted, blah blah blah.

So then, my mom left and then closed her door, waiting outside her room to see if she would say anything.

Guess what happens. My sister starts CRYING. It wasn’t loud, but she was crying.

And then my mom goes back into her room and says “what is WRONG with you? You’re FOURTEEN, you don’t NEED a cell phone, let alone a slider phone” blah blah blah blah, and then it ends up with my mom basically saying “you’re spoiled, you pushed me so much with this stupid slider phone thing, I’m gonna punish you by taking your cell phone away. For a year.”

My mom leaves the room, and then she starts crying even more. Me and my mom are just standing outside the room, and I’m laughing because she’s crying over a stupid phone.

Just when my mom is about to walk away, my sister says something like “fuck” and something else, and then my mom goes back into her room and says “did you just curse??” and then more talking, and then she says “here’s your fucking phone. dammit” and then she throws it back onto my sister’s bed.

My sister probably pouts for another half an hour or something at this point.

She doesn’t come out to say sorry or anything to my mom. My mom had to have me CALL her over to my mom.

She gave her a lecture about how she isn’t looking at it in perspective, because its “JUST A PHONE” and she talks about how she spent a lot of her time today trying to figure out what we were going to do with our phone plans.

Then my mom asks her why its so important.

“Why is it so important to you? Is it a STATUS SYMBOL or something? Is it going to make you popular or something? Are people gonna talk about how you’re the only one in the whole school who has a slider phone ‘hey did you hear Kristin has a slider phone, boy she’s so cool’? It doesn’t make SENSE that i have to go through all of this just because of a phone.”

Then my mom says “the only reason I would THINK about changing companies is if it was a better deal, not so that I could get you a slider phone. And even if I did, there’s no guarantee I would get you one”

blah blah blah more talking and then my mom says “are we done talking about this?” my sister says “yes” and then goes back into her room

the end

A seemingly revolving theme is my sister always wanting a cell phone that is cool or what someone else doesn’t want. More recently, when we were upgrading our phones again she wanted the Motorola Q Black or something like that. A 500 dollar phone which also requires a data plan which we don’t even have. Dumbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb.