Finland: The Conquest

This was a thing I found at high school.

Hello, I’ve taken over Finland. The new name for Finland is the Empire of Finland, therefore, that makes me emperor. (Point to audience member who disrupts, and say, “You, dungeon, now”.) The Euro is now banned, and an ounce of Pepsi equals 1 US Dollar.

You may also be wondering about defenses, well, that’ll involve snowball throwers and people armed with cell phones. The cell phones part is in my plan to conquer Canada. You see, Finland is the base of operations of Nokia, and because I control Finland, I get an unlimited amount of cell phones. With those cell phones, I would just make them constantly dial random Canadian phone numbers, until the country is in a state of depression, and therefore, this will lead to the Canadian government cutting their defense department!

This will force the Canadian government to cut their standing army by 50%. From 4 to 2.

So, once I control Canada, I sell the land off to Bill Gates or someone else, use that money to build a mind control machine and then…

I TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

Who’s with me?

Also, if you disagree with me, I’ll be forced to put you in the snowball making camps. (Then point to everybody and make them work in the snowball camp)

Who’s with me?

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