Q: Why did the Martian stand behind the donkey?
A: Someone told him he’d get a kick out of it.
Tag Archives: Mars
Joke #11675
Q: On Mars what is pigskin used for mostly?
A: To hold pigs together.
Joke #11674
Q: What goes ha-ha-ha-plop?
A: A Martian laughing his head off.
Joke #11670
Q: What’s six feet long, is green and has eyes.
A: A Martian’s tennis shoes.
Joke #11657
Q: What’s green and has red spots?
A: A Martian with measles.
Joke #11640
Q: What’s green and can jump a mile a second?
A: A Martian with the hiccups.
Joke #11634
Q: What did the fire hydrant say to the Martian?
A: Are you sure there are no dogs on Mars?
Joke #11626
Q: What did the first Martian who landed on Earth say to the fire hydrant?
A: Take me to your leader.
Joke #11620
Two Martians, new to the ways of Earth, were trying to start a campfire.
First Martian: “This match won’t light.”
Second Martian: “What’s the matter with it?”
First Martian: “I don’t know. It worked just a minute ago.”
Joke #11619
Visitor from space: “I was born on Mars.”
Man from Earth: “Which part?”
Visitor from space: “All of me.”
Joke #10777
Farmer: “Yes, this is a tobacco plant, sir.”
Martian: “How long before the cigars get ripe?”
Joke #10775
The Martians set down in the middle of a big city.
They weren’t sure where they were, and set out to find someone who could tell them.
“Why not ask him?” said one, pointing to a fire hydrant.
“Don’t be silly,” said the chief Martian.
“Can’t you see he’s only a child?”
Joke #9282: Star Rec Room
It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime.
As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.
He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.
“Mr. President,” said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, “after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars.”
He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown.
He said, “But that’s impossible . . . we could never do it. . . yes Mr. President,” and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously.
“I have some bad news,” he said, “the President said that now that we’ve found intelligent life on Mars . . . he wants us to try to find it in Congress.”
Giant Apes Take Over Mars
“Extra Extra read all about it, Giant Apes take over Mars.”
According to Mr. Cream-eata-daz-low-fat this will be the headline in the year 3065. Cream-eata-daz-low-fat claims he made this prediction by reading a crossword puzzle upside down without his glasses. Although the predictor was not thinking at this time and had just hit himself in the head with a tree while summersaulting down a snowy hill we take this into consideration. I mean what if apes took over Mars and made it a great place to live. Also what if they became our friends and helped up with all our problems. We can’t stand for it! How do you expect up to let this happen? According to an eight-year-old we must do the chciken dance to stop these apes. So let us chicken dance. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! We shall chicken dance like no tomorrow. We shall have problems and not solve them. It’s the right thing to do. Now I’ve got a report with cobwebs all over it that Disco is..OVER! NOOOOO! I’ve got to go!
Quote #6689
“Have you been to Mars lately?”
– Nose