(Verse 1: Tune of The Old Gray Mare)
Barney’s made of greasy, grimy, gopher guts
Greasy, grimy gopher guts
Greasy, grimy gopher guts
Barney’s made of greasy, grimy, gopher guts
And his friends do stink!
P-U!
(Verse 2: Tune of The Battle Hymn of the Republic)
Barney is an awful singer
His voice is painful like a stinger
He must go on Jerry Springer
And there he’ll be disgraced!
JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY..
10. Your visa card and your belt both hit their limit.
9. She’s been wearing an engagement ring for three weeks, but you don’t recall proposing to her.
8. She just started a college course that meets seven nights a week.
7. She says she has to tell you something… on Jerry Springer.
6. Her love letters come soaked in formaldehyde rather than perfume.
5. Whenever she introduces you it’s always “I would like you to meet an old friend of mine…”
4. She leaves a message on your phone and identifies herself by both her first and last names.
3. Your other girlfriend told you so.
2. The dartboard behind your photo on her wall.
1. Her girlfriends look at you, tilt their heads, and say, “You haven’t got a clue, do you?”