Matt and Matthew come together to present:

 

Matt: And Action

 

News at some number that I forgot.

 

Matt with news. Matthew with sports. Pamela Lee with Health. And Chelsea with an attitude.

 

Chelsea: You @###^:;’+! That wasn’t in the script! Oh &$#”L/’.{%4! I shouldn’t have told them what my real name was.

 

Matt: Well neither was that!

 

Matthew: It’s the new fight of the century, Matt vs. Chelsea.

 

Matt: The news is the scandal between Bill Clinton and an old geezer err young geezer. Matthew and I taped the whole thing and boy was that great.

 

Clinton: Ohh, Yeahhhhh! Is that somethin’. Ohh $^**&%@/+{:”?’.[! There’s a camera in the room.

 

Woman: Oh, Bill. Come back to bed. Wow! Are your things hairy!

 

Camera: ZZZShdgfyet7687769;, ! Boom bam see ya! (screen disappears)

 

Matt: Great footage.

 

Chelsea: And now me with advice.

 

Reader: Dear Chelsea. . .

 

Chelsea: How the heck do you know my name?

 

Reader: I can’t beat the Cradle level in GoldenEye.

 

Chelsea: Well first you. . .Wait why the freak am I telling you this! Go buy a Players Guide or subscribe to Nintendo Power.

 

Pamela: Now for Health. My name is Pamela Lee and I will teach you to have huge yahoos. Matt and Matthew! Quit drooling!

 

Matt and Matthew: If we do will you let us squeeze ’em?

 

Pamela: No! @$^) this! I quit!

 

Matt and Matthew: Can we… (Pamela slaps them) Owwww!

 

Matthew: Now sports. On MTV the Superbowl was a wrestling match between the Spice Girls and Hanson which was the most annoying band in the world. Unfortunatly, during the middle of the match, Marilyn Manson cut the light rig above the match which injured everyone. The Spice Girls say they want a rematch. In about 20 years when they can fight again. Hanson said the same thing. Now Matt vs. Chelsea. Who will win?

 

Matt: Owwwwwwwwww! Quit that!

 

Chelsea: Hiiiiiya!

 

(fight continues for 3 minutes)

 

Matt and Chelsea: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

 

(light rig crashes down)

 

Marilyn Manson: I strike again! Ha ha!

 

Chelsea: Missed me!

 

Matt: Ha ha!

 

Marilyn Manson: Ahh! (runs away)

 

(Matt and Chelsea start fighting)

 

Matt: Forget this! We’ll work things out later!

 

Chelsea: In bed!

 

(run away)

 

Matthew: Cut!

 

Matthew: Wait a minute! The camera came back to life!

 

Clinton: davepoobond! Your sister was great last night!