I’m as nervous as a robot at a can opener demonstration.
Joke #13034
My hoe town is so small that if you sneeze as you drive into it, you’ll miss seeing half of it.
Joke #13033
I finally found out there is more to life than just money. There are credit cards, stocks, bonds, and traveler’s checks.
Joke #13032
We have such a strong union where I work that we have more strikes than a baseball game.
Joke #13031
My office at work is so small that when I want to stretch, I go into a telephone booth.
Joke #13030
Once I ate in a restaurant that was so bad, I got food poisoning just from opening the menu.
Joke #13029
I wouldn’t say the last delicatessen I ate in wasn’t clean, but the seeds in my rye bread were moving.
Joke #13028
They say that you only live once. With luck like mine, once is too much.
Joke #13027
The human cannon ball told his boss at the circus that he was quitting.
His boss shouted, “You can’t quit. Where would I find another guy of your caliber?”
Joke #13026
Talk about being unwanted! When I was little, I asked my parents for a bath toy, and they bought me a piranha!
Joke #13025
I went to a laboratory and asked them to make a clone of me because as a bachelor I’m an endangered species. They refused because they wanted to keep it that way.
Joke #13024
No one treats me like a human being. Last month the National Wildlife Commissioner named me a bounty animal.
Joke #13023
I’m not appreciated. My birthday is listed in the Farmer’s Almanac under the ten worst disasters in history.
Joke #13022
As a child, every time I went to a party they’d make me play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. Afterwards, I couldn’t sit for a week.
Joke #13021
You know you’re getting old when all the numbers in your little black book belong to doctors.