This was submitted using the Jingle Bells Song submission form.
This form was submitted: Nov 23 2003 / 16:53:12
name = muahahaha
email = shitpoo@ufell4it.ca
use_email = yes
jinglesong = i gotta agree with the shitmaster
Random junk that doesn’t go anywhere else.
This was submitted using the Jingle Bells Song submission form.
This form was submitted: Nov 23 2003 / 16:53:12
name = muahahaha
email = shitpoo@ufell4it.ca
use_email = yes
jinglesong = i gotta agree with the shitmaster
Submitted using the Jingle Bells Song submission form.
name = n n
jinglesong = jingle bells I like hells can I please die. if I die I can fly and fuck up across the nations
A college convenience store is a magical place. So magical, in fact, that proper physics do not take place! Hence the word, “Magical.” It is magical in ways that you can only experience as it happens. Not through traditional scientific method, rather through make believe. One of the major dictators of physics within your convenience store is the old lady who complains about noise coming from your convenience store. For the sake of this article, we will call her Pamela. Ms. Pamela runs the building your convenience store is located in, and within this building is the little world she has created. Your convenience store is part of this creation, as your employer has rented a space from this lady and put you to work behind the counter.
One aspect of this magical building is the bending of physics of sound.
Ms. Pamela’s intentions are questionable. Whether she is truly a human within a rotting sack of flesh or an alien in an unconvincing human costume. Anyway, that’s for later. The point of this lesson is about Sound. And boy does it ever make no sense.
If you ever have the radio/music on while in your convenience store while Ms. Pamela is in the building, she will always come and tell you to turn it down — no matter what volume it is. She claims that the sound waves from “the radio,” which is pointing toward the trash can, is actually bouncing up into the air ducts, through the elevator shaft and into the study room (that is about 30-40 feet away from your convenience store) in enough amplitude that it is possible to hear it! Not only is this clearly bullshit, but simply impossible. On many occasions, the radio is nowhere near as loud as the refrigerators and slushy machines that are inside the convenience store!
Because she rules the building with an iron fist and we rent the place from her, she wants to always feel like she’s in control of everything that is going on. That imperialistic, alien, sound adept masterbitch.
A Squackle Adage follows the following formula:
1) Take a cliche/famous/inspirational/motivational quote.
2) Reverse two words in the phrase, particularly the important subject that is being addressed
3) Create new, hilarious meaning from something old and stale!
Here’s a list of the best ones and some sort of explanation as to what the “new quote” means. If you’ve got some to add, comment below.
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Better to not have it and not need it, than need it and have it.
(Original: Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.)
Explanation: You’d rather not have things you wouldn’t usually want and actually need to use it.
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I am feet on my light.
(Original: I am light on my feet)
Explanation: I’m just a normal ass person who walks on top of light just like everyone else.
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Out of miracles grow difficulties.
(Original: Out of difficulties grow miracles.)
Explanation: Miracles are hard to compare to after they occur.
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Try to be a cloud in someone’s rainbow.
(Original: Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.)
Explanation: Fuck happy people.
–
Change your world and you change your thoughts.
(Original: Change your thoughts and you change your world.)
Explanation: You won’t be the same person when the world around you is different.
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No act of waste, no matter how small, is ever kind.
(Original: No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.)
Explanation: If you waste something, you’re an asshole.
–
If lemons give you lemonade, make life.
(Original: If life gives you lemons, make lemonade)
Explanation: If you get lemonade from lemons, impregnate something.
–
You don’t take 100% of the shots you miss.
(Original: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.)
Explanation: If you miss you may as well have not done it.
–
Don’t smile because it happened, cry because it’s over.
(Original: Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.)
Explanation: You should feel bad about the thing you liked not being around anymore.
–
No gain, no pain.
(Original: No pain, no gain)
Explanation: If I don’t gain, then I don’t get hurt. Cool.
–
What doesn’t make you stronger, kills you.
(Original: What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger)
Explanation: Everything kills you.
–
If you don’t have anything at all to say, don’t say anything nice.
(Original: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.)
Explanation: You’re telling someone to shut up, basically, but in an even more assholish way than the “original” saying.
–
A doctor a day, keeps the apple away.
(Original: An apple a day, keeps the doctor away.)
Explanation: If you see a doctor everyday then you can refrain from having to eat so many damn apples.
–
Those who wait come to good things.
(Original: Good things come to those who wait.)
Explanation: If you wait longer you’ll “come” to something better than you had originally waited for. So just keep waiting forever and never get anything!
–
Unexpect the expected.
(Original: Expect the unexpected)
Explanation: Forget what usually happens, even though its going to keep happening.
–
A thought for your penny?
(Original: A penny for your thoughts?)
Explanation: If I tell you something, will you pay me?
–
It’s going to be not impossible but hard is hard.
(Original: It’s going to be hard but hard is not impossible.)
Explanation: Don’t kid yourself, you’re going to have a hard time doing this shit.
–
If at average you don’t succeed; you are running about first.
(Original: If at first you don’t succeed; you are running about average.)
Explanation: If you usually don’t succeed, you’re probably doing something else.
–
Someday in a week, seven days isn’t one of them.
(Original: Seven days in a week, someday isn’t one of them.)
Explanation: One of the days in the week is not considered to be worth seven days.
–
People often complain about the lack of direction when the lack of time is the real problem.
(Original: People often complain about lack of time when the lack of direction is the real problem.)
Explanation: You might think you’re on the wrong path, but you really just don’t have enough time to do it right. So half-ass it.
–
Submitted through the Dictionary word submission form.
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This form was submitted: Jun 21 2008 / 13:37:30
word = ËÞËÕË
word_form = verb
other_word_form = ÈíÈÈ
definition = ÄÈáÈ
example = íÈÈ
etc = áÈÈ
Submitted through the Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song submission form.
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This form was submitted: Apr 26 2008 / 16:39:14
name = poo12
song = i hate you you hate me barney has a f***ing family
Submitted through the Quicky Joke submission form.
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This form was submitted: Oct 19 2008 / 06:21:18
name = eff
email = eef
use_email = yes
qjoke = ewgg
Submitted using one of the random email add-ons I was trying on the WordPress site.
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Blog Submission: checkzorz
Your Name: fat nig
Your Email Address: lol@spam.com
Title of Submission: checkzorz
Submission: read below
Comments: dave, your a fag! post that on your website homo!
Submitted through the Quicky Joke submission form.
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This form was submitted: Jan 24 2008 / 12:28:19
name = Your Nana
email =
use_email = no
qjoke = WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN TO PRECIOUS, FRAGILE, INNOCENT BABIES. THEY ARE OUR FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU WERE A BABY TOO.
HOW DARE YOU, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED! SHAMMMMEEEE.
Submitted through the Jingle Bells Song submission form.
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This form was submitted: Dec 15 2007 / 15:24:03
name = sexyy
email =
use_email = no
jinglesong = fuckkkkk mee fuck me fuck me i am so horny
i noe u think im hot bc who doesnt?!?!?!?!
Submitted through the Jingle Bells song submission form.
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This form was submitted: Dec 14 2007 / 07:56:45
name = XxOliviaxX
jinglesong = hey hey hey hey hey hey this site is frickin lame hey hey hey hey hey go play some drinkinking games hey your a loser you so fat la la la la la this site is frickin lame!!!!!!!
Submitted through the Anti-Barney the Dinosaur song submission form.
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This form was submitted: Jan 31 2008 / 13:22:11
name = go smoke a toilet
email = phil@bob.com
use_email = no
song = I HATE THE EEFIN BEE BARNEY LETS HANG HIM FROM A TREE
Submitted through the Knock Knock Joke submission form.
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This form was submitted: Nov 10 2008 / 09:52:36
name = hahahaha
email = afxwehdfheehd
use_email = no
kkjoke = I LOVE TOKIO HOTEL
Submitted through the Blonde Joke submission form.
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This form was submitted: Nov 07 2008 / 12:57:07
name = ashley boobs
email =
use_email = yes
bjoke =