If money talks, then my wife is Fort Knox.
Category Archives: (C) Offensive Jokes
Jokes that are more or less offensive.
Joke #12362
TILLIE: “Mary, are you still happily married to Tom?”
MARY: “No. Last year, a relationship that began with sentiment ended with a settlement.”
Joke #12361
My wife never has to wash dishes after dinner. Her cooking dissolves the china.
Joke #12360
A woman’s work is never done. And my wife’s housecleaning proves that.
Joke #12359
I wouldn’t trade my wife for anything in the world. Take her free of charge.
Joke #12358
WIFE: “Oh, dear, I’m sorry but the dog ate the chicken I made for your dinner.”
HUSBAND: “Don’t cry, dear. I’ll take you down to the pet store and buy you a new dog tomorrow.”
Joke #12357
When I first saw my wife, she turned my head with her looks. Now that we’re married, she turns my stomach with her cooking.
Joke #12356
My wife admits that she’s not perfect. She’s the first one to say she’s made mistakes in the past. That’s how she explains our marriage.
Joke #12355
Two husbands were sitting at the bar swapping complaints. “My wife can cook, but doesn’t,” sighed one man.
“Don’t feel bad,” replied the other husband. “My wife can’t cook, but does.”
Joke #12322
JUDGE: “Your wife says you beat her up every night. She claims you come home mad and hit her with rights and lefts. Is that true, Mr. Henkly?”
HENKLY: “Don’t believe her, Judge. She’s punch drunk.”
Joke #12309
JUDGE: “Tell the court how old you are, Ma’am.”
LADY: “21 years and some months.”
JUDGE: “How many months? Remember you’re under oath.”
LADY: “127 months.”
Joke #12306
Stopped by a motorcycle cop, the driver didn’t say a word, but his wife sitting in the back seat said, “He wasn’t driving any faster than he always does.”
Joke #12289
Doctors have recently discovered that the major cause of headaches to men and women in the United States is marriage.
Joke #12011
Did you hear about the Irish psychiatrist who uses a Murphy bed instead of a couch?
Joke #11974
I’m so dumb. I just found out a Ukrainian is a person. I thought it was a bone in your neck.