DICK: “Did they take X-rays of your wife’s jaw in the hospital?”
RICK: “Oh, they tried, but the only thing they could get were motion pictures.”
Category Archives: (F) Conversational Joke
Joke #13209
PATIENT: “Doctor, when I came to you six months ago, you told me that to cure my rheumatism I should avoid dampness. I’ve followed your advice, but I’ve lost all my friends.”
DOCTOR: “When I told you to avoid dampness, I didn’t mean you couldn’t take a bath.”
Joke #13205
MAN: “Doctor, I feel terrible. My stomach is upside down. What should I do?”
M.D.: “Try standing on your head.”
Joke #13204
DOCTOR: “Mister Simms, I’m afraid you only have seven days to live.”
PATIENT: “Oh, no! Then I guess I won’t be able to pay you, Doctor. My medical insurance check won’t be here for two weeks.”
DOCTOR: “H-mm, well in that case, I’ll give you fourteen days to live.”
Joke #13203
“The pain is all in your mind,” the doctor told his patient.
“I didn’t have to come here to find that out,” the patient grumbled angrily. “I already knew I had a headache.”
Joke #13198
DOCTOR: “Your blood pressure is sky high, Mr. Smith.”
PATIENT: “That figures. I get it from my family.”
DOCTOR: “Your mother’s side or your father’s side.”
PATIENT: “Neither. It’s my wife’s side that gives me my high blood pressure.”
DOCTOR: “Why, that’s impossible!”
PATIENT: “You wouldn’t say that if you knew how obnoxious my in-laws are.”
Joke #13196
PSYCHIATRIST: “How long has your husband thought that he is Napoleon, Mrs. Stanners?”
MRS. STANNERS: “Since Waterloo.”
Joke #13195
An elderly lady was introduced to a Doctor Stevens at a party. At the first opportunity, she cornered the man and said, “Doctor, I’m so happy to meet you. I’d like to ask you a question. Lately I’ve been getting terrible pains on my right side when I lift my arm like this. What should I do about it?”
The man answered, “I’m sorry, Madam, but I’m not that kind of a doctor. I happen to be a Doctor of Economics.”
The lady was taken aback for a short moment, then regained her composure and asked, “So tell me, should I sell my stock in General Motors?”
Joke #13194
DOCTOR: “How is the boy who swallowed the silver dollar?”
NURSE: “No change yet.”
Joke #13192
WIFE TO BANK CLERK: “I want to make a withdrawal from my husband’s half of our joint account.”
Joke #13191
LADY: “Why are you so miserable?”
MAN: “My daughter ran off with my chaufeur.”
LADY: “Do you miss her?”
MAN: “No. I miss my Rolls Royce. They ran off in it.”
Joke #13187
“Why are you so sad?”
“My wife just remarried and I don’t have to pay alimony anymore.”
“Well, that’s nothing to be sad about.”
“Yes it is. She married my boss and now I’m fired.”
Joke #13182
“I’ve got the best wife a married man could have,” boasted the old-timer.
To which his friend replied, “Oh, you’re a widower too?”
Joke #13178
HUSBAND: “My wife is into jogging. Every morning she runs down to the bank to make a withdrawal.”
Joke #13177
“Yesterday my wife teased her hair and it looks like she really made it mad!”