SON: “Hey, Dad! This newspaper says the moon is going broke.”
DAD: “Why is it going broke?”
SON: “The paper says it’s going into its last quarter.”
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #12037
FATHER: “Son, when I was your age, I had never kissed a girl. Now, will you be able to tell your son the same thing?”
SON: “Yes, Dad, but not with a straight face.”
Joke #12036
“For the last ten years my mother-in-law has been living with my wife and me in the same aparttment.”
“So, why don’t you tell her to get out?”
“I can’t. It’s her apartment.”
Joke #12035
My teen-aged daughter wears really skimpy swimsuits. Yesterday she had her string bikini drying out on the line, and a robin swiped it to build a nest.
Joke #12034
When I die, I’m going to leave my ex-wife everything I have. And all those bills will fix her wagon once and for all.
Joke #12033
“But, Stanley, this isn’t our baby!”
“Quiet, it’s a better carriage.”
Joke #12032
“How come you’re divorcing your husband after fifty-three years?”
“It’s like this, Your Honor, enough is enough.”
Joke #12031
A young couple were complaining about their child. It seems that he was very quiet. In fact, he never spoke at all. They didn’t mind this when he was a baby, but when he grew to be eight years old, he still hadn’t uttered a sound. Then all of a sudden at the dinner table one evening, he said, “Pass the salt.”
Shocked beyond belief, the father said, “How come in eight years you never spoke?”
The kid replied, “Well, up to now everything was all right.”
Joke #12030
A wise man once said, “The only thing that can ruin a perfect match is marriage.”
Joke #12029
My wife’s feet are killing me. They keep taking her to department store sales.
Joke #12028
Last week my son in college had a very painful amputation. I cut off his allowance.
Joke #12027
When my little girl got married, I didn’t lose a daughter, I gained a son. He moved in with us.
Joke #12026
I sincerely believe that trial marriages can be very dangerous. They can lead to the real thing.
Joke #12025
HUSBAND: “No! You can’t have a credit card.”
WIFE: “Why not? Everyone has a charge account. It’s nothing new. Even the Light Brigade charged.”
Joke #12024
Last week my wife said one little word to me that ironed out all of the problems with our marriage. The word was: “Divorce.”