(a title appears in gay red colors that have “fat” letters with squiggly lines in them, that says “The Pump Girls)
(The Pump Girls appear next to each other under the title, and are dancing, then stop and say “PUMP” at the same time, raising their hands)
Announcer: Today’s episode is…
Pumpin’ Toilets!
(The scene goes to the Pump Girls’ hospital beds, they’re in their hospital gowns)
KayKay: boy, that was some adventure we had last time!
AshAsh: I only regained conciousness three minutes ago! What happened?
Dr. Kevorkian: well, I don’t know how it happneed, but one of you were chopped up by a plane without your shoes, one of you passed out, one of you was smooshed, one of you had a sugar attack, the mommy manager had a concussion…and, I injected you with Rat poi-eh…never mind, wrong patients…
(Dr. Kevorkian walks out mumbling)
JoeJoe: uhh? who the hell was that?
FartFart: ::fart:: Our doctor? Maybe? He seemed to know a lot about us
(KayKay jumps out of her bed and screams)
KayKay: I’m not a virgin anymore!
(KayKay stops screaming)
KayKay: oh yeah, I forgot I had hot sex with Dr. Kevorkian in a tub of oatmeal…
(3 hours later)
Mommy Manager: Ok, we don’t have a car, how are we gonna get to the performance at the Starbucks?
AshAsh: oh no! we’ll never make it in the big time now!
(just then, The Pump Girls Van that Homey the Homeless Man stole, appeared at the top of the street, the front end jumping up and down)
Homey the Homeless Man: whee! Pump Girls!
(Homey stops the van right in front of them)
Pump Girls: Homey!
Homey: yo yo. I got some cool shit maaaan! I loaded hydraulics in this van, and I got some LSD! (LSD echoes)
AshAsh: LSD? What’s that?
Homey: uhh…it means “Losers Shootin ‘Dese”
FartFart: ::fart:: that doesn’t make any sense!
Homey: um…it doesn’t matter, its mine.
(Homey’s stomach rumbles)
Homey: aw man..maybe I should have gotten food instead of all this shit…
Mommy Manager: we need to go to Starbucks, can you take us there?
Homey: coffee! muffins! mmh..haven’t had those since the LA riots
(The Pump Girls and Mommy Manager go in the van, and it starts up and goes to Starbucks)
(1 hour later)
(they pull up to Starbucks and run in. Overhead shot)
(They bust open the doors, and make their way to the counter)
AshAsh: excuse me…
Count Counter Clerk: AAH! ITS THE PUMP GIRLS! I LOVE YOU!!!
AshAsh (blinks): umm…thank you!
Count Counter Clerk: have some Air Mochas on the house. Sugar free!
JoeJoe: yay!
(Count Counter Clerk places 6 cups on the counter and puts his hand over the cups, making “pshhh” sound with his mouth)
Count Counter Clerk: all done, there you go!
(Homey stares at the cups)
Homey: there’s nothing in there…
Count Counter Clerk: sure there is!
Homey (sniffing the cup): what then?
Count Counter Clerk: air! that’s what an Air Mocha is!
(Homey tosses all the cups down to the floor in a rageful manner)
Homey: I want muffins! Give me muffinnnnsss!
Count Counter Clerk: That’ll be $19.60
Homey: the hell?
Count Counter Clerk: well, I have to charge you an extra 10 bucks for the mess you made, those Air Mochas cost a buck each and the muffin costs $3.60
Mommy Manager: you said the Air Mochas were on the house!
Count Counter Clerk: yeah, I did
(Count Counter Clerk points down to a picture of a house drawn on the counter)
AshAsh: grr! let’s just do our show!
(The Pump Girls run into the bathroom with Mommy Manager. Homey is seen in the back, pulling Count Counter Clerk over the counter and beating the shit out of him as they run into the bathroom)
FartFart: ::fart:: we’re here!
Lady on Toilet: the fuck?
AshAsh (giggling): there’s no doors on the stalls for the toilets
Lady on Toilet: who the fuck are-
AshAsh (raises fist into the air): I’m AshAsh!
JoeJoe (raises fist into the air): I’m JoeJoe!
KayKay (raises fist into the air): I’m KayKay!
FartFart (raises fist into the air): ::fart:: I’m FartFart!!
All together (screaming): THE PUMP GIRLS!
(their words echo, because they screamed it, and it was in a bathroom)
(meanwhile, in the air vents)
Mr. Donkey: eheheh! I’m gonna blow this Starbucks up!
(all of a sudden the Pump Girls’ screams echoed through the vents where Mr. Donkey was, richocheting off the walls of the vents thousands of times, literally knocking Mr. Donkey unconcious, with his ears bleeding)
(anyway)
FartFart: ::fart:: let’s dooo it!
Lady on Toilet: whaha-what? I want peace and quiet. GO AWAY!
(The Pump Girls start to dance…horribly)
Lady on Toilet: no more!
(Lady on Toilet gets up, picking up a piece of poop from the toilet and tossing it at AshAsh)
AshAsh (screaming): AAAAH! I have POOP on my face!
(The Pump Girls stop dancing. When JoeJoe stops, she slips, slamming her head on the bathroom sink, cracking her skull)
FartFart: ::FART:: I’m excited!
(FartFart faints, and with her extreme weight, falls on Mommy Manager, smooshing her)
KayKay: ugh! too much sugar!
(KayKay hyperventilates and goes unconcious)
(The poop on AshAsh’s face goes into her screaming mouth. Fortunately, the poop had sugar in it, and AshAsh fell into a toilet after running around a little)
Lady on Toilet (blinking): good….
(end)