Old Guy: Hello, everyone I’m ol’ Cornbucker, but you can just call me Corny!

 

(Corny takes a step to the right, leaning on his cane. After 10 seconds, he moves again to the right, but stops)

(a guy goes over and pushes the table next to Corny)

 

Corny: thank ye sonnee…

 

(Corny picks up a can that says Old Man Soda)

 

Corny: This soda here has so much energy-giving, we’re going to scroll it really really fast!

 

Sugar

Novacain

Heroine

Crystal Meth

Caffeine

Alcohol

Corn Syrup

Ricotta Cheese

Beef fiber

 

Corny: yeap! That’s a lot, ain’t it? With one drink of this here soaa-dy pop, you’ll feel like a kid again!

 

(Corny takes a swig, and he tosses his cane into the air, grabs it and does a stupid dance)

 

Corny: see! I’m feelin’ like a high teenager now, and I’m going to get lots of pussy! One sip lasts ten hours! Drink enough, and you’ll feel like a kid forever, until your heard explodes or your stomach walls collapse! But who cares? We were gonna die of that anyway! Dah dah duh dah!

 

(Corny dances off to the left)

(end)