Ho Ho Ho
Blitzen: hello everyone! Welcome to the first episode of The Reindeer Show, picked up by the greatest broadcasting station ever, SBC!
Comet: Only SBC would put this kind of crappy show with talking reindeer on!
Prancer: Yeah! And not only do we get to stay on during Christmas only, we get to stay on the air all year round
Comet: not like we’ve got anything else to do the whole year…before we were picked up by SBC, we were on public broadcasting in Santa’s Village only
Blitzen: but Santa hooked us up
Santa (laughing): ho ho ho!
Comet (blinks): right…lets show some clips from the public broadcasting before we got onto SBC!
(fade in, the camera is shaking)
Blitzen: Prancer, I can’t hold the camera
(you can see a fire next to the edge of the screen)
Prancer: give me that!
(Prancer tries to get it, but the camera falls into the fire, finally stopping to shake. You can see the reindeer behind the flames)
Prancer: great. Get Rudolph in here!
(the scene cuts to outside again, recording Rudolph trying to get the camera, putting his leg in, put pulling it out over and over)
Prancer: oh, just get it already!
(Prancer kicks Rudolph in the ass, and Rudolph launches into the fire, and the gate on the fireplace locks shut)
Donner: that tape cracks me up
Blitzen: how nice of you to join us, Donner
Donner: yes it is, isn’t it
Prancer: where’s the other guys?
Donner: um…staying away until the author can remember their names
Blitzen: the hell does that mean?
Donner: excuse me?
(Vixen cartwheels into a stack of Chia Pets)
Vixen: chia pets!
Santa: ho ho ho!
Mrs. Claus: Santa said, “didn’t I tell you never to cartwheel into the Presents That No One Wants Anymore Even If They Are Free Pile?”
Vixen: look at all this crappy stuff!
Prancer: hey, you’re right! While we’re looking through this shit, here’s another clip. Its supposedly a ransom video we made…
(fade in, you see Rudolph tied on a chair and blindfolded)
Rudolph: hello? Anyone here??
(Vixen walks in front of the camera, in a ski mask)
Vixen: hello…SANTA. We’re revolting against you. I’m afraid Christmas just won’t be this year. We have all revolted…except goody-two-shoes Rudolph here
Rudolph: hello? Vixen, this isn’t funny!
(Donner walks over to Rudolph and punches him in the stomach)
Donner: quiet, you!
Vixen: but! There is a way you CAN have Christmas this year. Increase out food supply and pay by 200%!
Donner: If you don’t, we’ll tear Rudolphs genitals off! Then there will be no more reindeer with red stupid nose thingys!
(a big rumble, and all of a sudden Santa somersaults from the ceiling, karate chopping Donner)
Vixen: oh crap! The elves ratted us out!!
(Santa launches into the air, kicking Vixen into the camera, and the scene becomes snowy)
(scene cuts back to Donner, looking through the toys)
Donner: alright! I found a Street Shark action figure! And a belt that says “suck me” on it!
(Donner puts the belt on and puts his front hooves on his hips)
Donner: I’m cool now!
Blitzen: you’re still a freak
Donner: what’d you say!?
(Donner jumps on Blitzen and they start punching each other)
(camera pans to Dasher)
Dasher: hey, here’s a funny clip
(fades out, and fades in to Dasher, sitting at a table, with various foods on it)
Dasher (speaking in a British accent): why, hello there, and welcome to Dasher’s Cooking Show. Today, we will learn a specialty dish, called “Bake-a-Rudolph”
(Dahser picks up a big pot and places it in front of him)
Dasher: first you get all this crap
(Dahser picks up a pile of Reindeer crap in a Ziploc bag)
Dasher: then, put it in here
(Dasher empties it into the pot)
Dasher: then you pee in it
(Dasher pees in it)
Dasher: then you put Rudolph in here, and voila, put it in the oven and listen to the screaming! For you convenience, we’ve already prepared this dish, its still in the oven right now
(Dasher opens the oven door, and Rudolph is swimming around in the pot)
Rudolph: Dasher! Get-me-out-of-hereeeee!!!
(Dasher closes the oven door, turns around to look at the camera, and shrugs)
Dasher: well, seems like its not done yet. See you next time!
(fades out, and goes back to all the reindeer sitting in chairs, except Rudolph)
Blitzen: well, that’s all for today. Next time, we’ll probably do some more new mindless crap
Prancer: we would like to assure you that Rudolph is still alive (unfortunately), but he couldn’t join us today, because we cuffed him to the North Pole
(all the reindeer wave)
Everyone: good bye!