The Pump Girls Episode 3

(a title appears in gay red colors that have “fat” letters with squiggly lines in them, that says “The Pump Girls)

(The Pump Girls appear next to each other under the title, and are dancing, then stop and say “PUMP” at the same time, raising their hands)


Announcer: Today’s episode is…

Pumpin’ Nothin’


(all the girls are unconscious in their beds)

(Dr. Kevorkian walks in and smiles)

(then, 10,000 men come in and “feel up” all the Pump Girls)

(fade out)


36 hours later


KayKay: hey! I found 3.675 cents in my uterus!


(everyone stares at her, then looks away, pretending they didn’t hear that)


AshAsh: that last performance sucked! And we’re going to be stuck in this hospital at least another week…


JayJay: Oh well


FartFart: ::fart:: I’m bored


AshAsh: yeah, me too…


(just then, Dr. Kevorkian wheels in Mommy Manager, Count Counter Clerk, and Homey the Homeless Man on hospital beds)


Count Counter Clerk: my head hurts…


Dr. Kevorkian: shut up you!


(Dr. Kevorkian smacks Count Counter Clerk on the head)


Count Counter Clerk: owww!


Homey: Smack him again!


(Mommy Manager is about to say something, but from excessive gas inhalation, she passes out)

(Dr. Kevorkian puts them in the line the Pump Girls are in, against the wall)


Dr. Kevorkian: I’m going to bring more playmates for you, just…you…wait


(Dr. Kevorkian laughs evilly as he closes the door)


AshAsh: I wonder what he meant by that…


(the door opens again, and Barney the big purple dinosaur gets rolled in, IV and breathing tanks hooked up all around him)


FartFart: BARNEY! What happened to you?


(Barney wheezes. The computer he is hooked up to speaks for him)


Computer: I was hit by a car, then beat down with crowbars…it hurt…then the steamroller, and the bombs…


(AshAsh blinks)


AshAsh: kay.


KayKay: yeah?


AshAsh: blah


KayKay: all right


FartFart: wow


JayJay: poor Barney…


Dr. Kevorkian: yeah, and I had a hell of a time trying to find out where he breathed from


(there’s tubes hooked up everywhere on Barney, on his pinky, into his ear, in his black eye and some tubes you can’t see where they go)

(no one says anything for a while)

(Dr. Kevorkian releases knockout gas into the hospital, knocking everyone out)


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