Salt Water Slushy Co.

(a man is at a slushy machine, and uses it to get this white, soapy looking slush into a big cup)


Joe Slush: mmmh….a nice big helping of a salt water slushy….oh hello, my name is Joe Slush and I’m paid by Salt Water Slushy Co. to bash the Icee Corporation and tell you how good salt water slushies are. You may say “salt water? That’s for the fishes!” But you are wrong. Wrong wrong wrong! Wrong how America is to the people that hate it, wrong how MY WIFE IS CHEATING ON ME! I KNOW YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME MARY, YOU STUPID BITCH I’M GONNA KILL YO UBY HANGING YOUR DANGLING BODY OVER JAGGED ROCKS AND DROPPING YOU TO YOUR DEATH, YOU BITCH BITCH BITCH-


(technical difficulties screen displays)

(after a few seconds it goes back to Joe Slush)


Joe Slush: ok, I’m sorry, I got outta hand a bit, but I’m calmed down….I’M GONNA SLAY YOU LIKE A WILDABEAST –


(technical difficulties flashes again)


Joe Slush: ok, seriously now. Salt Water Slushies are very good, when you get past the extremely salty-ness of each flavor, including strawberry, raspberry, blackberry, …and THE BLOOD OF MY WIFE, MARY! DON’T BE SURPRISED IF YOU GET A LITTLE PIECE OF INTESTINE OR FLESH! BECAUSE I’M GOING TO PUREE HER, AND PUT HER IN YOUR SALT WATER SLUSHIES!


Security Guard (off screen): that’s it, suckah! I told you 3 times, now you gonna get it!


(Security Guard runs Joe Slush in with a battering ram, and Joe flies into the background, and slams on the floor)

(Security Guard drops the battering ram, and takes out a nightstick, jumping into the air and you can hear some thud sounds)

(technical difficulties…….again)



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