Nutri-Grain Rehab

Man: Bye honey! No time for breakfast, I’ve got to go to work!


Honey: oh, you can’t go to work without breakfast! Here, have a NutriGrain Bar!


(Honey tosses a NutriGrain Bar to the Man)


Man: well…(looking at the NutriGrain Bar) ….maybe I can stay for a while…


(the man’s eyes sparkle with the NutriGrain wrapping)

(scene cuts to the man with 12 boxes of NutriGrains out on the kitchen table, and he’s jamming the bars in his mouth, making a mess everywhere. Under his face, there’s NutriGrain wrappers and huge pieces of NutriGrains mixed in. He keeps taking handfuls of it, wrappers included, and keeps shoving it in his mouth, and stuff falls every time he chews. He repeatedly opens new bars and shoves them in, too)


Honey (off screen): You’re still here? I gave you that NutriGrain bar 3 hours ago-OH MY GOD!


(Honey comes into the kitchen)

(Man is foaming at the mouth, his face is laying in the NutriGrain mess)


Man: help……………


Honey: Man, I think you’ve got an addiction to NutriGrain. You need help.


(scene cuts to a secretary-type woman)


Secretary: has this happened to you more than once? We have noticed an alarming increase in NutriGrain related addictions and death. We have opened NutriGrain Rehab, sponsored only 10% by the NutriGrain company and Kellogg’s, which reminds us they have a double g, for double gay, I might add. Those greedy bastards put people’s lives in turmoil and only sponsor us 10% making us make people pay out of their own pockets to get rid of their addictions.


(a CEO-looking kinda guy comes out of nowhere)


CEO: so, if you need help, please call us. 1-800-Get-Rid-of-NutriGrain

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