(Chuck E. Cheese is in a suit, in “his office.” The camera pans past all of the people working for the law firm in a close up. There’s a bookshelf full of law books and books on how to exchange Chuck E. Cheese tokens to different kinds of money. Chuck E. Cheese tightens his tie, and places his hands behind his back, standing in front of his desk)
Chuck E. Cheese: hello, I’m Chuck E. Cheese! And here at Chuck E. Cheese Law Firm, we are committed to proving your innocence or if you wanted, your guiltiness. We take all cases, and have a 100% success rating, give or take 100%. Our approval rating is 1000%!Because people not even needing us like us! Because if you lose, or if you’re not satisfied with our service, we will send you a hooker – for free!
(camera switches to Birdy)
Birdy: hi, I’m the hooker, Birdy! I do guys and girls. Don’t worry, I’m clean. I take showers daily! I used to do the stage show with Chuck E. Cheese when we were a band, but that was until Chuck E. Cheese’s became bankrupt and we were left with billions and billions of Chuck E. Cheese tokens minted every year since 1960. The only use for me was being a hooker, cause I’m a stupid stupid bitch!
Chuck E. Cheese: let’s hear some customer testimonies!
(scene cuts to a guy behind bars)
Joe: thanks Chuck E. Cheese’s Law Firm! Since they did such a piss poor job of defending me against shoplifting, I actually got found guilty for Murder of the First Degree, but they sent Birdy over and I got Hepatitis C! No one is gonna screw ME in jail!
Chuck E. Cheese: yes, even if you get found guilty, we keep on helping
“Rich” Guy: I won 3 billion dollars in Chuck E. Cheese tokens! Yaaaahhoooo!! Thanks Chuck E. Cheese Law Firm for getting me out of my child abuse allegations.
Kid: hey dad, can I-
(“Rich” Guy takes out a bat and starts beating the kid)
“Rich” Guy: SHUT UP YOU STUPID BASTARD KID!
(cuts to Chuck E. Cheese again)
Chuck E. Cheese: When you win, you win BIG!
Birdy: oh yeah!
Chuck E. Cheese: what the hell is that?