Stanley Steemer: What a dirty carpet. I better get to work.
(Stanley Steemer begins cleaning the carpet.)
(The Farting Mime farts on the carpet)
Stanley Steemer: Oh, come on! I was just done cleaning that!
(The Farting Mime plays the world’s smallest violin)
Stanley Steemer: You’ll never get away with this!
(The Farting Mime points to the Orkin Man, dead as a doornail underneath a parked Kia Spectra)
Stanley Steemer: You ran over the Orkin Man with a Kia Sephia? Man, that’s embarrassing.
Geo Tracker: Well, at least it took the attention away from me.
Stanley Steemer: Only one person can save the day!
(The Farting Mime shakes head in disagreement)
A Voice: I’m here to stop this!
Stanley Steemer: Could it be! It is! It’s Vin Diesel’s Chest!
Vin Diesel’s Chest: That’s right. Now what’s the problem?
(The Farting Mime Lets out a juicy one right on the Oriental rug)
Stanley Steemer: Help us, Vin Diesel’s Chest! He’s farting on the rug that I just cleaned.
Vin Diesel’s Chest: Well, I’ll just have to put a stop to this using my impeccable pecs.
(The Farting Mime Pretends to be trapped in a box)
Vin Diesel’s Chest: Shoot. He’s in a box. How am I going to get to him now?
Geo Tracker: Smoke him out.
Tommy Chong: I’m way ahead of you, man.
(Invisible box fills up with smoke, The Farting Mime busts out of the box.)
Vin Diesel’s Chest: It worked. Now come and get me, you mute freak.
(The Farting Mime Farts right into Vin Diesel’s Chest)
Vin Diesel’s Chest: Do you think that’s going to work? I don’t have a nose.
Tommy Chong: Wow, weird man. He’s like, got no face.
(The Farting Mime Makes a gasping face, then runs away.)
Geo Tracker: I’ll take it from here.
(Geo Tracker Opens driver’s side door)
(The Farting Mime gets in, tries to start the car, but the car explodes.)
Vin Diesel’s Chest: Well, shoot. If I was closer to the explosion, I would jump out of the way just so the camera could get a slo-mo of my massive chest muscles.
Stanley Steemer: You saved the day! But why did the car explode?
Unabomber: I think it was a terrorist.
(Vin Diesel’s Chest floats away heroically, girls faint in their seats.)
“I have strong scalp muscles”
::talking about muscles::
“This is NOT going to the Smithsonian Institute!”
– Mrs. Stickums
“we have more muscles in here”
::shakes a bag::
– from somewhere around davepoobond’s high school
Talk about luck! Other guys go to weight-lifting class and develop muscles. I went to weight-lifting class and developed a bad back.
akabub – v. to make muscles out of tape