Joke #26040: Royal Job Interview

Two blokes living in the Australian outback saw a couple of jobs advertised by the Queen of England. She was looking for footmen, to walk beside her carriage.

They applied and were very happy to be flown to London for an interview with Her Majesty.

She says to them: “Because my footmen must wear long white stockings, I must see your ankles to be sure they are not swollen or misshapen.”

After they show her their ankles, the Queen says: “It is also important that you don’t have knobby knees, so I need to see your knees too.”

Once she has seen their knees, she says: “Now everything appears to be in shape, so I just need to see your testimonials.”

Nine years later, when the pair are finally released from prison, one of the blokes says to the other:

”I reckon, if we just had a bit more education we would have got that job!”

 

Joke #18743

On a visit to my wife’s native England for our honeymoon, we arrived at London’s Gatwick Airport.

Tania headed for the British passport control line while I, an American, waited in the foreigners’ line. When my turn came, the customs officer asked me the purpose of my visit.

“Pleasure,” I replied. “I’m on my honeymoon.”

The officer looked first to one side of me, then the other.  “That’s very interesting, sir,” he said as he stamped my passport. “Most men bring their wives with them.”

 

Joke #18724: Garbage In, Garbage Out

LONDON – What’s the old saying…I don’t know if it’s art, but I like it!

A cleaning lady at London’s Tate Britain art gallery clearly didn’t know the creation she was throwing away was art…but we can hardly blame her because what she was throwing away was trash.

German artist Gustav Metzger’s work consisted of cardboard and paper wrapped in a plastic see-through trash bag.

When the cleaning lady came in at night and saw a bag of trash sitting on the floor she threw it in the dumpster.

Imagine the artist’s chagrin when he came in the next morning and found his ‘piece’ missing. But all’s well that ends well. The trash was dug out of the trash and put back on display, only a little worse for wear.

 

Joke #18449

Three tourists climbed up the tower with London’s Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.

The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps.

The second threw his watch and made only tow steps before hearing his watch shatter.

The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch.” How did you do that?” asked one of his friends.

“My watch is 30 minutes slow.”