Joke #8882

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day.  The first guy says to the second, “You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico.”  The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic chord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.  As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.  Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.  The first guy jumps.  He bounces at the end of the chord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.  Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able to catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.  This time, he is bruised and bleeding.  Again, the second guy misses him.  The first guy falls again and bounces back up.  This time, he comes back pretty messed up, he’s got a couple broken bones and is almost unconscious.  Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, “what happened? Was the chord too long?” The first guy says, “No, the chord was fine, but what the hell is a piñata?”

 

The Top 10 Rejected Motel 6 Slogans

10. We’re working on that smell thing, too.

9. Because you deserve better than the backseat of some car.

8. As seen on “COPS.”

7. If We’d Known You Were Staying All Night, We’d Have Changed the Sheets.

6. We left off the 9, but you know it’s there.

5. You rented the room, now buy the video.

4. We’ll leave Lysol for ya!

3. We don’t make the adultery. We make the adultery *better*

2. Official Lodging of the 1998 Florida Marlins.

…and the Number 1 Rejected Motel 6 Slogan…

1. We put the “Ho” in Motel.

 

Joke #5274

There is a brunette, redhead, and a blonde being held captive and they are going to be executed. They bring out the brunette and say, “Any last words?” She replied, “No.” The guys with the guns said, “Ready aim…”

“TORNADO,” yells the brunette. Everyone ducked and she ran away.  Then they bring out the redhead. “Any last words?” they asked. “No,” she replied. “Ready aim…”

“EARTHQUAKE,” yelled the redhead. They all ducked and she ran away.  Lastly, they bring out the blonde. “Any last words?” asked the firing squad. “No,” the blonde said. “Ready aim…..”

And the blonde screams, “FIRE!!!!!!”

 

Joke #5273

There’s this blonde who walks into a convenience store. She picks up a thermos and asks the clerk, “What is this thing?” The clerk responds, “It’s a thermos. It keeps hot htings hot and cold things cold.”

“Neat,” says the blonde and buys the thermos. The next day she goes to work with her new thermos. A co-worker asks her, “I like your new thermos. What do you have in it?” She proudly says, “Two cups of coffee and a popsicle.”

 

Joke #5272

There are three girls going on a long car trip in the desert.

One has brown hair, one is a redhead, and other is a blonde. All of a sudden the car stops.

“Darn, it won’t start!” exclaims the brown haired girl.

“Okay, we’ll just have to walk across the desert to get help,” says the redhead, “So, bring anything that is necessary for survival.”

The brunette brings some water in a big bottle. The redhead bring a hand held fan, and the blonde goes over to the car and rips off the car door.

As they are walking the girls dcide to stop to take a break.

The brunette drinks some water, and the redhead turns on the little fan. The blonde rolls down the car window and says, “Ahh, now that’s better!”

 

Joke #5271

There was a blonde and a brunette watching the 6 o’ clock news. The top story was about a man on top of the Rose Hotel threatening to jump.

The brunette turns to the blonde and says, “I bet you $50 he is going to jump.”

The blonde says, “Okay, then I’ll bet he won’t.”

Sure enough, the man jumped.

When the blonde paid the brunett the brunette says, “I’m sorry but I can’t accept your money.” The blonde replies, “Sure you can. It was a fair bet, you won.” Then the brunette says, “No, I saw the 5 o’ clock news and I already knew what was going to happen.”

Then the blonde says, “Well, I saw the 5 o’ clock news too and I was sure he wouldn’t jump again!”

 

Joke #5270

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?” The shepherd, always the gentlemen replied, “Of course.” The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, “352.”

This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed and exclaimed, “You’re right! Okay, I’ll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock.” The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any others.

When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, “Okay, now I have a propostition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?”

 

Joke #5269

Three Blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, “What is Easter?” The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy! It’s the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful…”

“Wrong!” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, “What is Easter?” The second blonde replies, “Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.”

St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she’s wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, “What is Easter?” The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, “I know what Easter is.”

“Oh?” says St. Peter, incredulously.

“Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.”

St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.

The third blonde continued, “Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out…and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.”

 

Joke #5268

A blonde woman gets on a plane headed for Miami. The blonde woman has a coach ticket but spots an open seat in first class, so, she takes it. The flight attendant walks up and says, “I’m sorry, Miss, but you will have to go back to your seat in coach.” The blonde woman refuses, “I’m blonde, I’m a woman, and I’m staying right here.”

Then the flight attendant goes to get the captain and brings him back to the problem blonde. The captain says, “Miss, you have to go back to your seat now.” She responds with, “I’m blonde, I’m a woman, and I’m staying right here..”

Then the captain bends over and whispers something in the blonde’s ear. She then gets up and walks back to her seat in coach. The flight attendant is amazed and askes, “How did you do that?” The captain simply said, “I told her this half of the plane wasn’t going to Miami.”

 

Joke #5235: Grilled At The Pearly Gates

One day there was three nuns standing outside the gates of heaven waiting to get in. St. peter approached them and asked the first nun, “Do you know who the first man was on Earth?” She said, “Ummm that’s tough…Adam?”

 

Bells rang, angles sang, the gates opened and she walked right in.

 

Then St. Peter went up to the second nun and asked, “Do you know who the first woman was on Earth?” She said, “Ummmm…Eve?”

 

Bells rang, angles sang, the gates opened and she walked right in.

 

St. Peter then asked the third and last nun, “What were the first words Eve said to Adam?” The third nun said, “Hmmmmm that’s a hard one”

 

Bells rang, angles sang, the gates opened and she walked right in.