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California Water Saving Tips

August 19th, 2015 Posted in Lists No Comments »

California is in a perpetual drought.  We need tips!  Tips that will help save water!!!

– There are a number of ways to save water, and they all start with you.

– Rip out all of your grass. Dirt needs to be watered a lot less than grass.

– Use only paper plates and plastic-ware.  Water isn’t used to make those things.

– If you want to take a 15-minute shower, just don’t eat a hamburger.  You save water in what is probably a completely different state than California, and you don’t have to feel bad about it.  Those damn cows drink as much water as a 25 minute shower at least.

– Only use water from water bottles, they are probably not from California, maybe.  The likelihood goes up if you buy something labeled as a foreign country or place.

– Use vodka to make your Kool-Aid.

– Don’t drink water, drink your own sweat. It’s like recycling your own water.

– Bathe in fire.  It kills more germs.

– If you take a shit, remove the shit from the water, take it to work and flush it there.

– Wash your hands with your pee.

– Import ice from the North Pole/Antarctica.  It is melting anyway.

– Move out of California.

– Continue to disappoint your mother and harvest her tears.

– Shoot people who use water.

– Travel back in time and use the water before its gone.

– Use only your hands to drink water.

– Don’t eat fruits or vegetables.  You won’t waste water having to wash them.

– Keep a pitcher of water next to the toilet, that way any toilet water that splashes out goes down you and not on the floor.

– Reuse leftover water from the nuclear reactor to cook your spaghetti.

– Don’t cook food that requires water.

– Don’t buy fruits or vegetables that originate from California.

– Freeze water, that way it expands and you will have more water.

– Wash your laundry in another State.

– Don’t wash your clothes.  Use them one time and then return it to the store.

– Don’t take a shower.  You’ll save like a bajillion gallons of water a month.

– Put food coloring in your toilet.  It will mask the unpleasant color your unflushed piss and poo water will create naturally.  Don’t let FoodBabe know.

– Upgrade older toilets with rocket capability.

– Turn off the water while you brush your teeth.  That will save 40 gallons a minute.  That’s up to 250,000 gallons a day for a family of 6748.

– If your toilet was installed before 1992, thank the plumber.

– Consider a dual-flush toilet.  It will flush your toilet twice and use twice as much water.

– Take showers instead of luxurious baths.  You’re getting clean here, and only babies take baths.

– Don’t have children that use water.  Birth only dirt babies.

– Avoid having fun with water.  Fun wastes water.

– Avoid recreational water toys, they use water.

– See a leak you can’t fix?  Learn how to by going to plumber’s trade school for a year.

– Steal your water from a multinational corporation that isn’t based in California.

– Remove the cement from your driveway so that water can flood your home and not drain into the ocean.

– Start calling California “Arizona” instead of “California.”

– Plant alien plants that require human blood to live.

– Consider converting your home into an alien spaceship that does not require water to run.

– Start a compost pile in your bedroom.  This keeps the compost pile from evaporating its precious water.

– Don’t jerk off in the shower anymore.  Or just jerk off without the water on and then clean up afterwards.

– Plant water-hating plants.

– Hire the 10 year old kid next door to rip out your irrigation system.

– Catch water in an empty tuna can.  Then drink it.

– Use your hanging basket plants as pinatas.

– Only have sex in the Jacuzzi, the swimming pool needs too much water.

– Make your swimming pool tacky by removing waterfalls and stupid bullshit that makes it look nice.  Then you won’t want to swim in your pool anymore and you will contemplate just getting rid of the whole thing.

– Get rid of pesky pets that need water to survive.  Pet Rocks are coming back in style.

– Post a hotline in bathrooms that people can call so they can finish their shits faster.  I don’t know how this saves water, but I can at least take a shit since I’ve been waiting for 10 minutes!  God damn!

– Water-shame people who keep water in a bottle that is clearly not purchased from a store new.

– Do not drink processed water, it is unhealthy for you, similar to processed meats.  It is not as nature intended!

– Clean water is man-made, therefore it is unnatural and unhealthy!  It takes a lot of water to make clean water.

– Don’t put water inside water.  You lose the water you are putting inside of the water as it becomes just one water.

– Appoint a water ambassador to the ocean and beg it for rain.

– Marry or seduce a televised meteorologist and convince them to say there will be rain coming on the news even if it isn’t true.

– Strike up a conversation with a plumber and ask them how the plumber the seven seas.

– Lick dishes of their food and dirt instead of rinsing with water.  You can also get a dog to do this.

– A recent study showed people care about water usage.  Ain’t that cool?

– Destroy all decorative fountains you see.  Especially ones that are not yours.

– Don’t wash your car ever.

– Pee in the shower.

– Pee outside.  Select a private space near a bush you don’t particularly like and go at it.

– Don’t let children maintain a swimming pool.  They suck at math.  It is dangerous because they might miscalculate how much water to put in the swimming pool and that would suck for when you were having sex in there.  There is also a higher chance of them seeing you since they are responsible for the swimming pool.

– Get your girlfriend wet everyday and then water the plants with her.

– Start using wet humor instead of dry humor.  Or in this case, drought humor.

– Kill anyone who is doing a rain dance in California, they are obviously failing and are probably making things worse with their awful dancing.  Then water the plants with their blood.  It rained after all!

– Grow some clouds and then explode them all over your plants.

-~-

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Bad Submission #24071

August 19th, 2015 Posted in Bad Submissions No Comments »

Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song submission.

This form was submitted:  Feb 23 2005 / 14:22:33

name = janet
song = barney stupid i dont know what to do
i do not know
i do not know
he is so stupid
he is so stupid
i hate him
i hate him

-~-

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Bad Submission #24066

August 19th, 2015 Posted in Bad Submissions No Comments »

Anti-Barney the Dinosaur song submission.

This form was submitted:  Jan 16 2005 / 03:03:39

name = INSANE DUDE
song = I LOVE U,
U LOVE ME,
LETS KISS BARNEY ,ONE,TWO,THREE
PUCKER UP PURPLE FCUKER

-~-

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The Many Ways to Say Penis

July 16th, 2015 Posted in Language Fun, Lists No Comments »

This entry is part 3 of 5 in the series The Many Ways To Say...

A – “the” Alpha

B – Burrito, Bulge, Beef, Baby-maker, Big one, Bat

C – Cock, Chub, Club

D – Dick, Dong, Donger, Dingaling, Dingdong, Drill

E – Ejaculater

F – Frank, Frankfurter, Faucet, Fuckstick, Flute, Fire-hose, Five-Dollar Footlong, “a” Floppy

G – Gavel, Groin

H – Head, Hot dog, Hammer, Hose

I

J – Johnson, Joystick, Junior

K

L – Leaker

M – Manhood, Meat, Member, Magnum

N – Noodle, Needle, Navy Ship (lots of sea-men)

O – One-eyed Snake

P – Penis, Phallus, Pecker, Peter, Prick, Pickle, Package, Pole, Peepee, Pisser, Pounder, Poker, Pricker, Pen15, Pistol, Pogo stick, Pene (Spanish/Italian)

Q

R – Rocket, Rod, Richard

S – Sausage, Shaft, Scepter, Schlong, Stick, Snake, Sword, Shooter, Squirter, Stamp, Submarine

T – Thing, Tool, Tower, Tripod, Third Leg, Ten-incher

U

V

W – Weewee, Weiner, Wang, Willy, Wood, Wii, Wee, Whistle, Womb raider, Weapon

X

Y

Z

-~-

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The Many Ways to Say Vagina

July 16th, 2015 Posted in Language Fun, Lists No Comments »

This entry is part 5 of 5 in the series The Many Ways To Say...

A

B

C – Clit, Clitoris, Cunt, Cake, Cheese sandwich, Coin slot, Cooch

D – Ditch

E

F

G

H – Hymen, Ham sandwich, Hole

I

J

K – Kitty

L – Labia

M

N

O – Ovary Factory

P – Pussy, Pink taco, The Pink, Pie, Poontang, Poon, Privates, Private part, Pita sandwich, Port

Q – Quesadilla

R

S – Sandwich, Slot, Spaceport

T – Taco, Tunnel

U

V – Vagina, Vadge/Vag

W

X

Y

Z

-~-

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The Many Ways to Say Boobs

July 16th, 2015 Posted in Language Fun, Lists Comments Off on The Many Ways to Say Boobs

This entry is part 2 of 5 in the series The Many Ways To Say...

# – 5318008, 58008

A – Areolas, (anything that is round)

B – Boobs, Boobies, Breasts, Bosom, Bust, Balloons, Bags

C – Chesticles, Chest, Cleavage

D – Double D’s

E

F – Funbags

G – Globes

H – Hooters, Honkers, Headlights

I

J – Jugs, Jubblies

K – Knockers

L

M – Mammary glands, Melons, Milkbags, Milk Factories

N – Nips, Nipples

O

P – Puppies

Q

R

S – Spheres, Squirters

T – Tits, Titties, Teat, Ta-tas, Twins

U – Udder

V

W

X

Y

Z

-~-

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The Many Ways to Say Testicles

July 16th, 2015 Posted in Language Fun, Lists No Comments »

This entry is part 4 of 5 in the series The Many Ways To Say...

A

B – Balls, Berries, Bulge, Ballsack

C

D

E

F – Family jewels, Fuzzy peaches

G – Gonads, Groin

H

I

J – Jewels, Junk

K

L

M

N – Nads, Nuts

O

P – Privates

Q

R – Rocks

S – Stones, Sack, Scrotum

T – Testicles, Testes

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

-~-

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Bad Submission #23922

July 15th, 2015 Posted in Bad Submissions No Comments »

Submitted as an Anti-Barney the Dinosaur song.

This form was submitted: Jun 05 2004 / 17:46:18

name = dead barney
email = Jack@ass.com
use_email = no
song = you fucked me

You fucked me I Fuck your wife
Lets forgert this and killlllllll barneyyyyyyyyy
With 1000000000000000000 knifes up his A#@ The dick got cut off

-~-

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Bad Submission #23920

July 15th, 2015 Posted in Bad Submissions No Comments »

Submitted through the Anti-Barney Song submission form.

This form was submitted:  Feb 11 2005 / 13:48:48

name =
email =
use_email = yes
song = I hate barnie he had amonster poop and it stunk

-~-

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Bad Submission #23919

July 15th, 2015 Posted in Bad Submissions No Comments »

Submitted through the Anti-Barney Song submission form.

This form was submitted: Feb 03 2004 / 17:14:51

name = Alex
song = Suicide! Suiside! Everybody kill yourself! (Sound effect of kids shooting)Everybody do your share.Suicide! Suicite Everybody kill yourself! (Barney shoots himself)

-~-

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Word Bombs

July 5th, 2015 Posted in Language Fun, Lists No Comments »

We like to substitute certain words by describing them as “bombs” to say the word without actually saying the word.  I was curious if there is a “bomb” word for each word, so here’s a list for each letter which will be updated as new ones are discovered.

Leave a comment if you know one.

A-bomb – Atom bomb

B-bomb – ?

C-bomb – cunt(?)

D-bomb – ?

E-bomb – ?

F-bomb – fuck

G-bomb – ?

H-bomb – ?

I-bomb – ?

J-bomb – ?

K-bomb – ?

L-bomb – ?

M-bomb – ?

N-bomb – the derogatory word that describes black people

O-bomb – ?

P-bomb – ?

Q-bomb – ?

R-bomb – retard

S-bomb – ?

T-bomb – ?

U-bomb – ?

V-bomb – ?

X-bomb – ?

Y-bomb – ?

Z-bomb – ?

-~-

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Stupid Names for Days

April 10th, 2015 Posted in Lists, Other Junk No Comments »

We all hear these funny plays off day’s names, and I always wonder why there is the need to elaborate or give meaning to a normal day of the week for an indefinite period of time.  So I decided to compile a list of all the dumb names we give to normal days of the week.  If you have others, leave a comment and I’ll add it to the list.

Sunday

  • Sunday Funday
  • “Pastime Day”: 3 Suns Ago Sunday
  • Lazy Sunday

Monday

  • “Pastime Day”: Previous Big Bang Monday
  • “Pastime Day”: Memory Monday

Tuesday

  • Taco Tuesday
  • “Pastime Day”: Too Late Tuesday
  • “Pastime Day”: Take Me Back Tuesday

Wednesday

  • “Pastime Day”: We’re Kinda Late Wednesday
  • Hump Day

Thursday

  • “Pastime Day”: Throwback Thursday

Friday

  • “Pastime Day”: Flashback Friday
  • TGIF – Thank God It’s Friday / Thank Goodness It’s Friday

Saturday

  • “Pastime Day”: Old Saturday
  • Screenshot Saturday
-~-

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Funny Ways to Say You’re Leaving

June 2nd, 2013 Posted in Lists 3 Comments »

Don’t you ever get bored of just saying “bye”?  Well, now you have a list of exciting things to say instead!  If you have more of these, leave a comment!

  • Make like a tree and leaf.
  • Make like a chainsaw and cut out.
  • Make like a spider and bug out.
  • Make like a rock and roll.
  • Make like a Shepard and get the flock out.
  • Make like a banana and peel out.
  • Make like Knott’s Berry Farm and jam.
  • Make like an atom and split.
  • Make like a fetus and bust out of this mother.
-~-

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Ways Cocaine is Smuggled Out of South America

May 9th, 2013 Posted in Lists No Comments »

Here is the all inclusive list of how cocaine smuggled out of South America.  If you have more “ways” of doing it, let us know in the comments!

  • Pressed into the side of a phonographic record.
  • Included in pottery.
  • Heels of shoes.
  • Batteries.
  • Hollowed out pineapples
-~-

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Hate Mail #23009

May 2nd, 2013 Posted in Fan Mail/Hate Mail, Hate Mail No Comments »

Submitted through the Anti-Barney Song submission form.

This form was submitted:  Aug 12 2004 / 06:17:23

name =
email =
use_email = yes
song = gay a hole  .  fn ass shity bich.

-~-

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