Bilton Scraggly’s Board Gayme Bonanza

Bilton Scraggly specializes in entertaining board games for the modest homosexual. These are just a few of the many fun adventures waiting on the shelves at your local retailer!

Gay Checkers

This simple yet surprisingly fun game is the one you’re more likely to see being played by young ones. This checkered board will make you checkered with joy and make you scream out your darkest fantasies when you reign supreme!

Game rules: The two teams consist of rainbow colored and pastel colored pieces. Enemy pieces are not jumped, they are humped, forcing the enemy piece to live in their lavish gay community. The player must giggle and smile at the opponent before taking his turn. When a player’s piece reaches the opposite side of the board, that piece gets gay rights and gets the honor of having a second piece stacked on top of it (every man’s dream). The game ends when all of a player’s pieces are trapped in the other’s gay community or when Will & Grace comes on, whichever comes first.

Game terminology:

Teapot Tap – When the player moves a piece with their pinky.

Head & Shoulders Solution – When a player attempts to distract the other by complimenting the volume of his hair.

Intermission – When the players take a time out to brush each others’ teeth in the middle of the game.

Elton John Backstroke: When a piece with gay rights humps a piece behind itself.

Don’t ask, just yell – Alternate term for winning the game.

Gay Chess

Ahh gay chess, the gay thinking man’s game. This strategic masterpiece will test your wits and patience in a skimpy fight to the death!

Game rules: There are no kings in gay chess, only queens, so each player gets two of them. No piece is allowed to move in a straight line. The game ends when one player admits their secret carrot cake recipe to the other.

Piece types before and after:

Bishop – Gay clergyman

Knight (horse) – Richard Simmons on a pinata

Pawn – Catholic boy

Rook (castle) – Neverland Ranch

Game terminology:

Cross-dress – When the player’s piece is switched for another on the opposite side of the board.

Geisha confidence – When the player bows after moving.

Paris Hilton Position – When the player sits cross-legged during play.

Manopoly

The original buying and trading properties game, only this one is gay! Let Rich Aunt Penny Bags lead you through a journey of building houses and hotels, showing off your country’s gay capitalism.

Game rules: Kisses are the only currency used in Manopoly. If a player lands on the income tax space, they must kiss a close male relative. If the player passes Joe, they get a helpful pat on the rear. If the player lands ON Joe, every player sticks their finger in his belly button. Community’s Chest and Glance cards are drawn and performed down to the smallest detail.

Card examples:

Go to mail – Do not pass Joe. Go to the post office and make all postal workers uncomfortable.

Take a ride – On another player, then proceed to the Reading Railroad.

Gender error in your favor – Turns out you’re half woman!

Game terminology:

The big tease – When a player blows on the dice before rolling.

Homoerotic barter – Alternate term for a trade.

Free parking – When a player sits in another’s lap.

Bodyship

Imagine this–you’re on a gigantic warship in the middle of the ocean, firing artillery at any boat that comes by. Then you wake up in a bathtub with a man. Welcome to Bodyship!

Game rules: The players divide their body up into sections. When a section is guessed, the player wipes that section of the opponent’s body with a moist towelette. The game ends when the player “hits the spot,” or until the players run out of moist towelettes/licked toilet paper.

Game terminology:

Frosty – When a player breaks out into a cold sweat.

Mowing the lawn – When hair accidentally comes off with the towelette.

Honk attempt – When the player tries to wipe something that makes noise.

Other family friendly games available from Bilton Scraggly:

  • Gay Connect Four
  • Gay Topple
  • Slip ‘n’ Ride
  • Gaytor Golf
  • Hungry Hungry Gay Men
  • Guess Who (is gay)
  • Gay Risk
  • Electronic Talking Bodyship

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