(scene opens up with people in a greenhouse punching out their cards in the time clock)

(Larry, one of the security guards is watching everyone punch out)

Gary: Hey Larry

Larry: Hey Gary

Gary: See ya tomorrow Larry

Larry: Okay Gary

(Larry is watching I Love Lucy on one of the TVs in front of him, not paying attention to any of the security camera TVs. Not like it really matters.)

(outside, a fat guy in a tight suit on a moped launches himself into the air, and jumping off the moped, he lands on the floor, making ripples in the floor. The moped crashes into the greenhouse. After a few seconds, a huge, pink heart expands from out of the greenhouse. After it disappears, the greenhouse collapses then blows up.)

(The security guards that weren’t in the greenhouse run to their cars and come out with rocket launchers)

Fat Guy: Oh shit.

(the security guards line up, and kneel down)

(in succession from left to right, each security guard fire rockets, which are actually dildos)

(bulletin time – the fat guy turns around and bends over. All the rockets fly into his huge ass. The fat guy falls over in orgasm.)

(Fat Guy gets up again, but this time the Security Guards bring around their H2s. They blow off the back end and bring out their huge laser cannons that look like penises)

(they all shoot, and in bullet time, the cannon fire goes towards the Fat Guy, with his mouth wide open. He eats all the lasers, but one shoots into his eye)

Fat Guy: Ow! That stings!

(Neo wakes up. In bed with him is a fat guy)

Neo: what the fuck?

Fat Guy: Hi honey…how are you?

Neo: Who the fuck are you?

Fat Guy: don’t you remember? We had gay, loving sex last night starting at 2:00 p.m. until 12:00 a.m. 10 hours!

Neo: I’m not gay!

Fat Guy: oh yes, you are…

Neo: Get the fuck out of here you fat guy

Fat Guy: I thought we were past the weight issue! I don’t appreciate this, Fredrick!

Neo: My name is Neo

Fat Guy: Oh, so now you’re trying to give yourself another name now. I thought we were lovers, but now, I just don’t know you. Good bye forever. Regin will not take this!

Neo: Fine. Good. Get the fuck out.

(later that day)

Morpheus: hello, Neo. I trust you had a good time…::cough::. I heard sucking sounds that could rival the vacuum cleaner, and insertion sounds that would rival a plunger in the stankey toilet –

Neo: ENOUGH! Obviously that guy drugged me or something

Morpheus: Ok, enough of that. It makes me unsettled. Rmember to keep the gay stuff in the Gaytrix and not in the real world. Its what we’re fighting AGAINST remember?

Neo: yeah, I know.

(Its been 6 months after the last movie, so everyone has more hair except for Morpheus)

Morpheus: So…

Neo: What do we do?

Morpheus: hold on…I have to see who’s still alive

(Morpheus walks out)

Neo (waiting): dooby dooby doo…

(Morpheus comes back with a checklist)

Morpheus: ok…Seifer…dead, but alive

Trinity…alive

Tank…alive

Dozer…alive

Annoying Hacker Kid…alive

Link, the new guy…alive

Ok! That’s everyone!

Neo: Goody. So what do we do?

Morpheus: umm…we should probably work on our dance routine.

Neo: ok.

(5 hours later)

Morpheus: ok, good job. Let’s get some sleep and work on our next mission tomorrow

(everyone sleeps)

(Neo is dreaming again. In his dream, Seifer is eating a hamburger. Nothing is happening. He’s just taking bites out of his hamburger and chewing. This goes on for about an hour. Then the scene changes and Neo is a McDonalds employee)

(Neo’s abusive manager, Pap Finn, whom is Huckleberry Finn’s father, comes over and starts yelling at Neo)

Pap Finn: Who the fuck do you think you are? You think you’re better than me?

Neo: No, sir!

Pap Finn: shut the hell up! You’re dead to me! Meet me in the backroom for a cowhiding!

(Pap Finn leaves)

Neo: I don’t want no cowhiding! Comon Jim! Let’s leave this place

Jim: My name isn’t Jim. Its Doug E. Doug

Neo: comonnnn, Jim!

Doug E. Doug: um…ok…

(Neo puts on a hat and puts a corn cob pipe in his mouth. Neo paints Doug E. Doug blue)

Doug E. Doug: why’d you paint me blue?

Neo: so the slave-catchers will think you’re a sick Arab!

Doug E. Doug: Slave-catchers?!?!?

(Neo jumps over the counter and onto a raft that is in the river running through McDonalds)

Neo: Comon, Jim! We don’t have that much time! The slave-catchers are coming!

Doug E. Doug: Why the hell am I doing this? I had such a promising career after I was in Cool Runnings, Operation Dumbo Drop and That Darn Cat!

(scene cuts to a cow bell ringing)

Morpheus: wake up everyone! Time for our next mission! We have to do…something. We’re kind of playing it by ear right now. We don’t know what we’re doing, frankly.

(no one is around Morpheus to hear him)

Morpheus: hey! Get up!

(Morpheus rings the cow bell really hard)

(Seifer opens the door to his room)

Seifer: What the hell? Stop ringing that stupid piece of shit!

Morpheus: Fuck you backstabber.

(Later, everybody is up and sitting in front of Morpheus)

Link: Is this how you usually get up in the morning? Having a cow bell rang at 4 o clock in the morning?

Neo: pretty much

Morpheus: ok, stop talking you gabby girlfriends. We have a mission to do

Seifer: whatever it is, I’m just going to sell you out again. Oops…did I just say that out loud? Darn…

Morpheus: ok, Seifer, take a time out

Seifer: aw man. Not the playpen…

(Seifer gets up and walks into a room)

(as the door closes, the camera zooms in on “playpen room.” Screams are heard.)

Morpheus: okayayayayayayay. Let’s go into the Gaytrix.

Neo: and do what?

Morpheus: um, I’m still not sure. Let’s see the Oracle.

(everyone enters the Gaytrix except Tank, Dozer, and Link)

(Tank sits on the chair in front of all the screens and junk)

Link: heyyy! I wanna sit there!

Tank: Too bad.

Dozer: yeah, too bad.

Link: what am I gonna do then?

Tank: You can baby-sit Seifer

(Link walks into the “playpen room.” It’s a whit eroom with a big playpen in the middle)

(Seifer is wearing a bib, a bonnet and is chewing on a rattle)

Seifer: mama!

Annoying Hacker Kid: I JUST LOVE GONG IN2 DA GAYTRIX1!!111!1 WTF DA NEDLE TAHT GOES IN DA BAK OF UR HAAD FELS LIEK A PENIS GONG IN2 UR AS1!1! LOL

Morpheus: What the fuck did you say? Are you sure you’re not gay? You’re not going to backstab us like that faggot Seifer are you?

Annoying Hacker Kid: OF COURSE NOT11!1! WTF LOL THOUGH I’D LIEK AN ANAL RAPNG ONA OF THES3 DAYS BY NEO1!11!!1! OMG LOL TAHT WUD 2TALY ROK MAH SOKS OF1!1!!!!1 OMG LOL

Morpheus (thinking about whether or not the kid should come): Y’know what….just shut up okay?

Annoying Hacker Kid: ALRIGHT DONT WORY IL B QUEIT!1!!1

(In the Gaytrix, Neo, Trinity, Morpheus and the Annoying Hacker Kid go to see the Immensely Horny Greedy French Guy With A Hot Wife, or just IHGFGWAHW for short)

Morpheus: Hey, you fucker French guy. Give us the Asian you keep locked in a room so we can do something and then get into the Gaytrix and then make it not gay anymore

IHGFGWAHW: bwah bwah bwah French French French. (looks to his wife). Waha ha ha ha French French French.

Hot Wife: My boobs are hard. Fuck me right now.

(The two ghost guys with white dreadlocks have sex with Hot Wife. It becomes apparent through the course of them taking their clothes off that the Hot Wife is actually a man)

Neo: Sick…

(Trinity barfs)

Annoying Hacker Kid: OMG TAHT IS SO COL11!11! OMG TAHTS LIEK A 15 INCHAR RIGHT THEYRE!11!! OMG WTF LOL O WATE UR NOT GONG 2 STIK TAHT IN HER BAZNGER R U??!??? OMG O MAN THIS IS A FMILY FILM WUT R U DONG?!!!? THIS ISNT IN TEH SCRIPT1!!!11!! OMG LOL WH3RE IS DA DIERC2R?!?!??! OMG MAH VIRGIN AYES!!1!!!!1 OMG WTF LOL

(Morpheus pulls out an AK-47 from his ass, and shoots everyone except Neo, Trinity and Annoying Hacker Kid. He then shoots Annoying Hacker Kid in the head.)

Annoying Hacker Kid: TAHT FUKNG HURT1!!!1 OMG Y DID U SHOT M3 IN DA H3AD U STUPID BALD BLAK GUY111111! WTF LOL I WASNT 3VEN SUPOSED 2 DEI THIS WAY1!1!! WTF LOL I WAS SUPOS3D 2 HAEV S3X WIT TEH MAN IN TEH RED DRES BFORA I DEID!11!!1!1 OMG LOL I HAEV DEID1!1!!!!

(Morpheus shoots him some more. Neo takes out two pistols and starts shooting the fuck out of Annoying Hacker Kid. Trinity barfs on Annoying Hacker Kid’s bullet-ridden body)

(Back in the real world, Annoying Hacker Kid looks like he’s having a seizure. He gets a hard on that is poking through his pants. Its only 2 inches long.)

Link: Sick dude. He’s getting a hard on from getting shot.

Tank: I’ll take care of it.

(Tank pulls out a gun and starts shooting Annoying Hacker Kid with a magnum. Dozer picks up a chainsaw and starts chopping parts off of Annoying Hacker Kid)

Annoying Hacker Kid: THIS IS MAZNG!1!11 LOL IMM BNG SHOT IN TWO DIFERENT WORLDS AT TEH SM3 TIEM!!1!!1 OMG LOL IMM NEVER GONG 2 DEI IMM AN ANOYNG HAKAR11!!!1 OMG

(Annoying Hacker Kid finally dies. A split screen appears, and one final shot from both sides are planted in Annoying Hacker Kid’s head. The shooting took all of about 10 minutes. During this time, the Asian that makes keys comes out of the bathroom)

Asian KeyGuy: That was the best gay sex I ever had! Boy this movie is GAY!

Neo: FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING ASIAN. FUCK THE ASIANS, THEY SHOULD ALL DIE.

(Trinity and Morpheus stare at Neo. This is a movie to bash gay people, not become racist)

Morpheus: OK, I quit. I’m not doing a sequel. Fuck this movie. You guys SAID no racism!

Annoying Hacker Kid: I’m sick of being dead. This movie is ridiculous. I’m going home; I’d better see the paycheck waiting at home for doing this crappy movie.

Neo: Umm…I’m sorry, I got too much into the violence…

Trinity: hey, y’know what? You can’t keep using that as an excuse. You did this last night too. Just because we were having sex, doesn’t mean you have to go into ALL the holes. My ass is for poo coming out ONLY.

The Architect: Hey, you guys can’t stop now! I have to make an appearance in the movie before its over.

Trinity: FUCK OFF. The Architect is GAY, OBVIOUSLY. He’s a stupid faggot that made everyone gay in a gay world full of gay flowers as explained in the first movie.

Andy Wachowski: Ok, everyone shut up. We’ll just end the movie like this. The next movie will be even crappier so that people will hate the movie but we can still make millions off of it.

Neo: Good idea.

Seifer: Fuck that shit. I ain’t coming back for another sequel. I was supposed to die in the first one!

Morpheus: Fuck you backstabber!

(Morpheus shoots Seifer with the pretend AK-47)

Seifer: Fuck dude. Stop shooting me.

(Morpehus starts to shoot everyone. This influences everyone to take out machine guns and shotguns and start blowing the shit out of people. The shooting involves a lot of Matrix stuff, and an original soundtrack, just for the 5 hour fight scene, by Dashboard Confessional. At the end of the 5 hours of shooting, it ends with Annoying Hacker Kid eating Seifer’s leg)

The End

(scene opens with sugar packets with ones and zeros on them)

(then it demagnifies and has a guy snuffing the sugar packet)

????: mmh! This is good shit. Good idea putting cocaine in NutraSweet packets

Drug Dealer: I didn’t actually put it in, NutraSweet IS cocaine. No one actually knows it…

(???? Goes into a trance, and the camera focuses on his eye)

(a man named Neo, wearing a thong and a G-string goes to work, and all of a sudden…)

Neo: strike a pose!

(Neo does a pose in the middle of the street, in New York. Everybody stops what they’re doing, and a car crash sound is heard in the distance. Everyone around Neo starts beating him up)

(an hour later)

(Neo stumbles into his one room apartment)

Neo (rubbing his ass): God, someone stuck a briefcase in my ass….what’s this?

(Neo pulls out a paper from his ass)

Neo (reading the paper): wondering what the Gaytrix is? Pull out more papers from your ass

(Neo pulls a second piece from his ass)

Neo (reading off the paper): go to your computer and go to the Kevin Spacey fan site and log in as “Gaytrix” the password is “Neo”

(Neo rubs his head)

Neo: holy crap. How did it know my name?

(Neo goes to the Kevin Spacey web site on his ultra cool computer, and there are 2 animations of Kevin Spacey humping himself)

Neo: sweet.

(Neo logs in, and Kevin Spacey’s voice says “welcome”)

Neo: yay

Computer: Check your mail? Send mail? Buy a Kevin Spacey Dildo?

Neo: Check my mail

Computer: You have 3 mails

(Neo clicks on the first mail. It reads: )

Hello user Gaytrix. Your Kevin Spacey Dildo has been sent via United States Postal Service and will arrive in approximately 3 days. We know you can’t wait.

Neo: that’s not the right one…

(Neo clicks on another one. It reads: )

Hello Gaytrix. Here’s the attachment for that program that you can have Kevin Spacey have sexual intercourse with anything and everything, and it simulates what he will make with it

(Neo downloads it)

Neo: never know when I might need that…

(Neo clicks on the last one and it reads: )

Hello, Neo. You finally found the right one. Go to this location and wait for my Kevin Spacey dildos. You will get further instructions then.

(there is a drawing of a place. Neo recognizes it)

Neo: there, huh? Ok!

(the email goes on: )

Don’t be gay. Wear clothes. If you’re gay, the Gaytrix will get you…

Neo: aw man

(later, at that place)

Neo: dooby dooby doo waiting for Kevin Spacey dildos…

(6 days later)

(a mailman chucks a box at Neo, and speeds away on his bike)

(Neo opens the box and takes out a 1 inch dildo)

Neo: geez. You can lose something like this really easily…

(Morpheus appears behind Neo, out of nowhere)

Morpheus: that’s why Kevin Spacey doesn’t have much manhood, especially after he starred in Pay It Forward. Look at this graph.

(Morpheus points to a graph that just appears)

Morpheus: This is zero, and the beginning of Kevin Spacey’s career. As you can see there is a slight increase, until we get to the time of Pay It Forward

(the line goes below zero, and it keeps dropping)

Morpheus: well, you get what I mean

Neo: true…

Morpheus: get him.

(in a second, a shadowy figure blackjacks Neo, and the scene fades out)

(fade in, Neo is looking up at Morpheus)

Morpheus: hello…

Neo: ah man, I have such a bad headache…why’d you knock me out?

Morpheus: um….because…yeah.

Neo: oh ok

(Neo sits up, rubbing his head, and Morpheus sits in a bean bag chair)

Morpheus: do you really want to know what the Gaytrix is?

Neo: yes I do…

(Morpheus raises one hand)

Morpheus: if you take the blue pill, you will find the immense amount of gayness and junk like that that is…the Gaytrix

(Morpheus raises his other hand)

Morpheus: if you take the red pill, you’ll forget everything you’ve seen here today, and some other stuff…and maybe get a brain aneurysm…

(Morpheus raises a third hand)

Morpheus: and you should take these extra strength children’s tylenol for your headache

(Neo blinks a couple times, still rubbing his head)

Neo: where did that third hand come from?

(Morphues doesn’t do anything for a while, then takes the Tylenol and puts it in the same as the blue pill)

Neo: ok, fine, I’ll take the blue pill

(Neo swallows the blue pill, and the Tylenol)

Morpheus: I’ll give you something to wash that down. Open your mouth

(Neo opens his mouth as Morpheus unzips his pants, and pees into his mouth)

Morpheus: 3 points!

(a crane picks up Neo by his shirt collar and drops him headfirst into a toilet. He takes his head out of it, but a shadowy figure dunks his head back in, and flushes the toilet)

Neo: whoooooaaaaaaaa!

(Neo gets sucked in, it seems, and he wakes up in a coffin, colored with pretty pink flowers, hanging over a field of flowers. The coffin is transparent)

Neo: holy shit!

(Neo looks around, but it seemed like the world was covered with pink flowers)

(Neo’s coffin breaks and he falls into the flowers. It seems like they were all attacking him)

Neo: noooooo!

(Neo gets up, and he’s fine. The flowers didn’t move at all. Neo shrugs and then walks north, trying to find out where he is)

(after a few weeks, he gets out of the flower field, and is now in a barren tundra, with gray dirt and cracks in the ground everywhere, and the camera spins around Neo, until he’s facing it)

Neo: what the?

(Morpheus appears behind Neo)

Morpheus: welcome to the real world

Neo: your fly is still open…

Morpheus: it is? That’s funny, its been open for 6 weeks

Neo: ok…

Morpheus: the real world is scattered with pretty pink flower fields, on this desolate earth. We only survive by eating the flowers…

Neo: how did this happen?

Morpheus: gay aliens obsessed with flowers, called al Qaedas.

Neo: oh…

Morpheus: they basically killed everything that wasn’t a flower, and planted flowers across the whole earth, only. In every field there is a huge flower that holds humans in it, and they use our energy to expand the flower fields and they also want to turn us gay, hence the reason why its called the world they put us in is called the Gaytrix. That way they’d only have to leave a few of their fellow aliens behind to monitor us, and once we all become gay, they’ll integrate us into their race! And they’ve already taken over the moon fully. Look at that!

(the camera pans to the moon, where Morpheus is pointing)

(the moon is just a pink glob, and you can see the sky is also a pale pink)

Neo: that’s horrible…

Seifer: hello!

(more people appear behind Morpheus singing in tune)

Trinity: we’re her to save the universe –

Tank: – from being gaaaaaaaayyyyy

Dozer: cha cha cha!

Seifer: a one, a one, a two three four!

(everyone dances simultaneously, doing a can can and ending in a riverdance)

Morpheus: we must kill the homo aliens!

Trinity: from taking everything!

Seifer: guy and girl?

Morpheus: girl and guy?

(everyone shakes their head)

Everyone: NO WAY!

Morpheus: when everyones gay its –

Seifer: guy and guy?

(Seifer sticks out his tongue)

Trinity: girl and girl?

(Trinity sticks out her tongue)

Tank: its ok for some –

Dozer: but not everyonnnnneee!!!!

(an explosion is seen in the back)

Morpheus: shit! Its the Homo Rangers!

(a hole appears in the ground all of a sudden and everyone jumps into it)

(the Homo Rangers go toward the hole where everyone went in)

Homo Ranger Horg Zorg: That’s retarded…they do this every week.

Homo Ranger Harg Zarg: Its mysterious how they can just add another person to their dancing routine every time…

Homo Ranger Hurg Zurg: oh well

Homo Ranger Herg Zerg: blah. We’ll get them next time

Homo Ranger Squad Comander Hirg Zirg: while we’re waiting, let’s have hot sex!

(meanwhile, in the hole)

Morpheus: are you in, Neo?

Neo: yes

Morpheus: there are Homo Agents in the Gaytrix, too. We have to get rid of them all, and preferably kill their whole race to liberate the Earth and the rest of existence

Neo: sounds fun

Dozer: you gotta be careful. If they Homo-Hump you they can control you whenever they want

Neo: that kinda scares me

Seifer: um, yeah…me too…

(unbeknownst to the rest of the team, Seifer was, in fact, Homo-Humped!)

Morpheus: as does the rest of us. Everyone has been homo-humped except us, so anyone could be our enemy. An old lady, a little puppy, and even crossguards.

Neo: um…why do my eyes hurt?

Morpheus: it kinda hurts everyone’s eyes after we do our performance

(Trinity rubs her eyes)

Trinity: you’re pretty

Neo: who? Me?

(Trinity nods her head)

Trinity: I like your nice long blonde hair

(Neo has no hair)

Seifer (shoves Trinity): sorry, she’s a little stoned at the moment. You’ve got a nice afro

Neo: ok…

(fade out)

(fade in, dogs are chasing after everyone through the woods. You hear barking as they run)

(fade out)

(fade in, in a stupid futuristic kinda place with some seats)

Neo: what is this?

Morpheus: the Command Ship!

(“Command Ship” echoes and there’s a lightning sound)

Trinity: whee!

(Tank spins around in a chair and puts on a “talk to type” set of headphones, but you don’t know that…)

(Neo walks up to a screen with scrolling green numbers)

Neo: what’s this?

Seifer: that’s the May-Trix. They only use that in May. Its pretty much the same thing, but in a different coding, and it sucks more. But that’s a different movie.

Neo: huh? Movie?

Seifer: never-fucking-mind

(Seifer waves his hands around)

Morpheus: let’s go meet someone

Neo: ok, who?

Morpheus: she’s an oracle, and can help you unlock your destiny

(Morpheus smiles evilly)

Morpheus: Lets go to the Gaytrix! Suit up!

(Dozer jumps outta nowhere and jams a needle into Neo’s skull and he goes into the Gaytrix…with skills he didn’t have before)

(they all appear in a McDonalds bathroom)

Neo: I know how to make pizza…

Morpheus: that’s great.

(the camera zooms out, and Seifer, Trinity, Morpheus and Neo are wearing dark sunglasses, and trench coats)

Morpheus: lets go!

(everyone goes out of the bathroom, and walk through the Playplace, obviously sticking out, since they’re all in black and the playplace is full of bright colors)

Kid (pointing at the group): mommy mommy! Burger King employees!

Mom: no, darling, they’re McDonalds employees

Kid: oh…I feel safer now

(cuts to Neo, Morpheus, Trinity, and Seifer coming out of McDonalds)

Neo: so, where IS this oracle?

Morpheus: uhh I forgot…

Seifer: SHIT! HOMO-AGENTS! I DIDN’T SQUEAL ON US, HONEST!

(millions, it seems, of agents surround them)

Homo-Agent Brown (speaking into a megaphone): good job, Seifer. You can go now.

Seifer: ok, maybe I did.

Neo: you’re not going anywhere!

(Everyone starts shooting agents and do karate shit. Seifer is kicked in the face by Neo. Bullet time is used a lot here, so use your imagination)

(slow motion scenes of homo-agents that look the same punching in slow motion. Randomly, one of the slow motion scenes are of Ronald McDonald, as well)

(after about a half an hour or so of action that you made up by yourself, Godzilla goes on a rampage and kills everyone. I just wanted to finish this, so I’m sorry for the sucky ending. Just for the hell of it, so if I want to make a sequel to this, they were all pulled out of the Gaytrix right before they were stepped on. And if you’re wondering what the beginning has to do with anything with the movie, this was all some guy’s coke trip)

(end)

—————–

Well, when I was writing this movie, I didn’t think there was going to be any ACTUAL sequels to The Matrix. So any similarities with the millions of agents or Ronald McDonald in this were actually made up by me, and not directly parodizing the 2nd Matrix. If you’re interested, this is what I have planned for making the next Gaytrix parodies:

The Gaytrix: Regayed – Completed

The Gatrix: Homorevolutions – Incomplete

The Gaytrix: Enter the Gaytrix – (takes place 2 days prior to Gatrix: Regayed, and follows 2 Homo-Agents/Homo-Rangers) – Incomplete

The Hentaitrix: The Gaytrix Animated (parody of all the 9 different Animatrix shorts, and also a 10th movie I make up originally. They all go in order, sort of. 5 of them lead up to Enter the Gaytrix, and they’re from the Homo Alien race’s point of view, and 5 that lead up to The Gaytrix: Regayed) – Incomplete