I put down synthetic turf so I wouldn’t have to cut the grass. Last fall, I burned some leaves and melted my lawn.
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #13039
What rotten luck I have! Would you believe it? My birthday is April 1st.
Joke #13038
The other day I went to a gypsy to hear about my future. She said I didn’t have one.
Joke #13037
My uncle, the Godfather, treats me like a dog. When other people go to see him, he gives them his hand to kiss. When I go to see him, he gives me his boot to lick.
Joke #13036
Last summer I took my family to Sequoia National Park to see giant redwood trees. Seeing them didn’t excite my family, but they gave our dog a heart attack.
Joke #13035
I’m as nervous as a robot at a can opener demonstration.
Joke #13034
My hoe town is so small that if you sneeze as you drive into it, you’ll miss seeing half of it.
Joke #13033
I finally found out there is more to life than just money. There are credit cards, stocks, bonds, and traveler’s checks.
Joke #13032
We have such a strong union where I work that we have more strikes than a baseball game.
Joke #13031
My office at work is so small that when I want to stretch, I go into a telephone booth.
Joke #13030
Once I ate in a restaurant that was so bad, I got food poisoning just from opening the menu.
Joke #13029
I wouldn’t say the last delicatessen I ate in wasn’t clean, but the seeds in my rye bread were moving.
Joke #13028
They say that you only live once. With luck like mine, once is too much.
Joke #13027
The human cannon ball told his boss at the circus that he was quitting.
His boss shouted, “You can’t quit. Where would I find another guy of your caliber?”
Joke #13026
Talk about being unwanted! When I was little, I asked my parents for a bath toy, and they bought me a piranha!