act 1 scene 1

good evening. my name is mr. important. i will be the narrorator for this play you are now reading. (i say reading, because there is no way someone would actuallymake a play out of this.) our play opens in a nice green pasture that smells of feces. in it are two men, bubba the chartoff (the chartoff were an old race who first invented the modern computer, until they realized it was actually just a pile of feces thatwere very commmon at the time) and wendel, the cinnamon toast crunch guy.

bubba: its nice to see you again, wendel.

wendel: likewise, my dear chap.

bubba: i think its time we ditched this crap hole–

wendel: ah, feceshole would be more propper.

bubba: right, whatever, but this place sucks. it smells like cra– i mean feces allthe time, and we don’t even know where the frikken smell is comin from!!

wendel: yes, quite right.

bubba: so whadda say? wanna go to the city?

wendel: yes, i think its hightime we went medeval on these city slickers.

bubba: well, that, or we could get a steady job and save up for a nice house in the burbs…

(a pause)

wendel: are you gay?

bubba: no, i just thought we could talk to people and make some friends instead of just going medeval on anyone we meet.

wendel: yeah, maybe, but it doesn’t sound as fun.

bubba: we could play some more nes…

wendel: nah, i’m sickof duck hunt.

bubba: well we don’t have to play duck hunt. i’ve got over 300 games, WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO PLAY DUCK HUNT???

wendel: ….wanna play mario?

bubba: hell no! lets go to the city and kick some ass!

wendel: now yer talkin!

(fade out)

act 1 scene 2

music starts playing “how many people wanna kick some ass” (i’m sorry if you’ve never heard it.) while bubba and wendel “suit up”.

bubba: (singing) how many people wanna kick some ass?

wendel:(also singing) i do! i do!