DBC News Broadcast 5

Now top stories with David…

Sports with Davis…

Weather with Daveed…

a few words with Fiddlesticks…

the Special Guest Corner with Binky the Clown…

And other miscellaneous characters


David: The top stories today are 1. DBC is…


Fiddlesticks: Boring!!!


Davis: Shut up you perv!


Fiddlesticks: Are you callin’ my wife?


Davis: Umm……


Fiddlesticks: Are you having an affair with my wife?


Davis: I don’t have an affair with pervs!


Fiddlesticks: Oh, so now your bringing my wife’s friends into this now?!!


Daveed: His wife is probably one of the blow up girls.


Fiddlesticks: Well, fuck you


Daveed: Hey…


David: Shut up Weather Boy!! Can I go on with my top stories now??


Daveed: Right after I diss Fiddlesticks.


David: I said SHUT UP!!


Daveed: Shut does not go up


David: Yeah sure whatever. As I was saying, DBC is having a whole new line of characters we told you about last show are appearing THIS show!!!


Fiddlesticks: (yawn) Oh…wow.


Davis: They better not be better than me!!!


Daveed: Scum is better than you!!!


Davis: Why I oughtta…


Binky: Guess who gets to interview them today?!!


Daveed: Gee, you’re not in a little hole called the Special Guest Corner for nothin’!!


Producer: Speaking of which we have to go there now because we have a lot of people to interview.


Davis: What?!? And take the cameras away from me? I’ll sue!!!


Binky: First up we have…


David: This just in!!! All the characters we mentioned on our last show were on there way here in our Special DBC Bus of Joy and Luck…


Davis: I hate that name!! It should’ve been called The Special DBC Bus of umm… uhhh


Daveed: Shut up!!!


David: ………………Right. Anyway it blew up and everybody in the bus was fried like a burned french fry on a hot day in July. There are no survivors. If there were any survivors they’d have 1…2…3… 500 degree burns!!!


Binky: So who the heck am I supposed to interview??


Producer: Well umm… Some guys called and said that they wanted to be on the show and I said maybe and I guess they could be on the show…


Binky: OK bring’em in


Producer: I already called them and they’re here


Binky: First we have…(whispering to the Producer) get me a list of the names Mr. Producer


(Producer gives him a list)


Binky: First we have… Davy!!


(Davy comes in and sits on a chair)


Binky: Hello, Davy.


Davy: Hi


Binky: Well I see here that you are a –


Davy: Sex offender


Binky: Yes you are


Davy: I know that


Binky: Well I don’t think we’re going to be using you a lot


Davy: Oh trust me… you will


(Davy gets up and leaves)


Binky: OK, next we have Dave


(Dave comes in and sits on a chair)


Binky: Hello Dave


Dave: Hello Binky


Binky: Your an undercover reporter huh?


Dave: Yeah


Binky: Is there anything you want to say?


Dave: Yeah


Binky: Well?


Dave: Your an idiot


Binky: Right, next


Dave: Didn’t you hear me?


Binky: Yeah, sure, whatever, NEXT


Dave: Man, you suck


(Dave gets up and leaves)


Binky: Next we have, Davaroo


(Davaroo comes in and sits on a chair)


Davaroo: Hi Binky!!!


Binky: What exactly is a bioman?


Davaroo: Me


Binky: I know that but what is it


Davaroo: Who?


Binky: That!!


Davaroo: What?


Binky: A bioman!!!


Davaroo: Me


Binky: Urrrrrggghhh


Davaroo: I guess I better go


(Davaroo gets up and runs out the door)


Binky: Next we have Daveacaso


(Daveacaso comes in and sits on a chair)


Daveacaso: Yo, Binky what’s happinin’?


Binky: Right, what do you do for a living?


Daveacaso: I’m an art guy


Binky: Next!!


Daveacaso: Hey!! Hey!! Hey!! Whoa whoa whoa wait a minute!!!!


Binky: What?


Daveacaso: You can’t do that!!


Binky: What?


Daveacaso: As soon as I sit down you, well, umm… you kick me out!!!


Binky: So…what you are trying to tell me is you want to get interviewed the right way?


Daveacaso: Yeah I guess so.


Binky: …NEXT


Daveacaso: Wait a gosh darn second!!


Binky: Man you’re already stretching your time to the next person’s interview time


Daveacaso: Fine man, jeez I don’t care…


(Daveacaso gets up and leaves)


Binky: Next we have Davinky


(Davinky comes in and sits on a chair)


Binky: Ok you are a war guy right?


Davinky: Ya


Binky: Give us a little bit of what you have


Davinky: Umm… OK I got it. Yesterday in the war Thunder Lightning with Iraq, Oh before I go on you should know this is fake but interesting, Action Hank busted through Sudam Husaine’s palace with Action Hank’s Action Tank and made the palace go in ruins. That’s about it… can I go now


Binky (with face in hands shaking head from left to right): Yeah sure…


Davinky: COOL!!


(Davinky gets up and leaves)


Binky: OK, next we have Davewooligan


(Davewooligan comes in and sits on a chair, Davewooligan always talks in a passionate voice)


Davewooligan: Hi, Binky


Binky: You’re a gay movie critic aren’t you?


Davewooligan: Yeah, you wanna go watch some movies with me…in bed




Davewooligan: C’mon Binky, It’ll be fun. We can watch Barbara Streisand and the guy from Baywatch stripping.




Davewooligan: Oh poo, do I have to leave?


Binky: YES, YOU DO!!!


Davewooligan: Fine I’ll go…call me sometime…sweetcakes


Binky (muttering): I wouldn’t do it if my life depended on it


(Davewooligan gets up and as he goes he blows a kiss to Binky… Binky throws up)


Binky: Uhhhggg…next we have Davehooligan. Oh, great another gay guy.


(Davehooligan comes in and sits down)


Davehooligan: Damn…did you see that??


Binky: What?


Davehooligan: The buns on that chick that just went past me.


Binky: That wasn’t a girl.


Davehooligan: I know…………… anyway girls are really ugly.

Except for the ones that get sex changes.


Davis: HEY, hold up!!!! I think you and Fiddlesticks would make a great couple.


Davehooligan: Who is this, Fiddlesticks??


Fiddlesticks: ME!!! And if you even get close to me I’ll break your puny little legs!!!!


Davehooligan: I’d like that.


Fiddlesticks (shouting to producer): ……Do I have to work here????


(Fiddlesticks goes offstage with the producer)


Binky: Is there anything you’d like to say


Davehooligan: Do you know his number???


Davis: Yeah it’s 555-93824352191545794


Davehooligan: Cool


Binky: Uhhh…can you leave now??


Davehooligan: Sure, maybe I can catch up with that chick…


(Davehooligan gets up and runs out trying to catch up with Davewooligan)


Binky: Ok…now we have Davidian


(Davidian comes in and sits down)

(Davidian has an Indian accent)


Davidian: Hallo Binky


Binky: What??


Davidian: Hallo Hallo I said Hallo


Binky: What’s Hallo?


(Davidian loses his Indian accent)




(Davidian goes back to his Indian accent)


Binky: Ok, so what do you do?


Davidian: I’m a world traveler and I live in Africa and personally support gay, ugly, zebras and rhinos


(the door to the office flies open)






Natalya (director): SHUT UP AND CLOSE THE DOOR!!!!


(the producer closes the door)


Davidian: Ummm……I’m scared…


Binky: Then go away


(Davidian gets up teary eyed)




(Davidian runs away)


Binky: Next we have Disco Dave…


(All of a sudden a disco ball comes out of the roof and disco lights come on and HOT STUFF starts to play)


Music: Lookin’ for some HOT STUFF……….


(the music goes on and on)

(Disco Dave comes out dancing. He has some bellbottoms on and his shirt isn’t buttoned up)

(Disco Dave sits down and everything stops)


Disco Dave: Peace Man…


Binky: Huh?


Disco Dave: Peace man… you know 70’s talk


Davis: Dude!!!! Why do we have all these weirdoes coming on the show???


(the door to the office flies open again)


Natalya: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!!


(the office door closes again)


Davis: ………..Never mind…


Daveed: Yeah you better never mind!!!!!


Davis: Shove it, you jerk-off!!!


Daveed: ME???? A jerk-off???? Why don’t you suck it!!!!


(Daveed stands up and does the sign, or whatever you call it, for suck it)


Davis: Yeah, you’d want me to!!!!


David: Shut up, I just ate lunch!!!


Daveed: WHAT!!!! You had a lunch!!!!


David: Yeah I did have a lunch!!!!!


Davis: HUH??? YOU HAD A LUNCH???




Daveed: Did you leave any left???


David: NO WAY!!!! I WAS HUNGRY!!!


Disco Dave: HEY!!!! Peace man…PEACE…


Daveed: Ya he’s right let’s make peace…


David: Yes let’s


Davis: Are you sure there isn’t any cardboard left???


Daveed: We are trying to make peace you idiot!!!


Davis: Peace??? HA!!! HA HA HA AHAAAA


(Davis laughs hysterically)

(Disco Dave gets up and all of a sudden the lights start flashing like Disco lights, the music starts playing, and the Disco Ball……well it does its thing)

(the office door opens again)






Producer: Suck it!!!!


Fiddlesticks: Shove it!!!!


Producer: SUCK IT!!!!


Fiddlesticks: No!! You can do it yourself!!!


Producer: Fuck you!


Fiddlesticks: SHUT UP!!!!!


(Disco Dave sits down and everything stops)


Producer: ……I’m sorry…It’s just the music that gets me mad…


Fiddlesticks: …Yeah me too…


(the producer and Fiddlesticks run to each other and hug)


Davis: Ewwwwwwwwwww


David: You can say that again….


(the producer and Fiddlesticks start to kiss)

(Davewooligan appears in the doorway)


Davewooligan: Hey!!! Let me in on some of this!!!!


(Davewooligan runs for a group hug. Producer and Fiddlesticks stop kissing. The Producer, Fiddlesticks, and Davewooligan hug each other.)


Davehooligan: Hey!!!! There you are!!!!!!


(Davehooligan runs for the group hug also)


David: Gross!!!!!!


Daveed: Can you guys stop hugging???


Davis: I think I’m going to hurl…


Binky: This is too much…


Disco Dave (frowning): This isn’t too hip.


Davewooligan, Davehooligan, Fiddlesticks, and Producer: Aaaaaaawwwwwwww


David: Hey they said that Disco Dave’s music makes them mad!!!!


Daveed: Yeah!!!!! Get up Disco Dave!!!!


(Disco Dave gets up)

(Everybody stops hugging)

(Everybody screams at the same time)


Producer: I’M GOING TO GET YOU!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!


Fiddlesticks: YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!






(everybody charges at each other)

(the fight turns in to Slug-o-Rama Festival 22)


Disco Dave (in mortal kombat voice): SLUG-O-RAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


David: Yeah!!!!! Give him a kick in the balls!!!!


Daveed: PUNCH ‘EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Davis: Kill! Kill! Kill!


Binky: Give him a left and a right!!!!!!!


David: HA HA! This is so cool!!!


(Producer socks Fiddlesticks in the jaw)

(Davewooligan clips Davehooligan in the stomach)




(Producer tirely punches Fiddlesticks in the face)

(Davewooligan collapses on top of Davehooligan)


Davehooligan: OH YEAH!!!!


(Davehooligan starts humpin’ Davewooligan)


Davewooligan (in sexy voice): Ohhhhh yessss.


David: EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW that’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen!!!! CAN I BLOW THEM UP WITH MY GRENADE?


Davis: Go ahead!!!


Daveed: Please!!!


Binky: That’ll be the best thing that happened if you do


(David throws the grenade)


Davehooligan: Huh? What’s this?


Davewooligan: It’s probably a sex toy


Davewooligan: Ok, cool. How do you use it?


David: You pull the pin and wait 10 seconds


Davehooligan: Let’s pull it together


(Davehooligan and Davewooligan pull the pin)








Davis: FREEDOM!!!!




Binky: Phew…I thought it would never end!!


Davehooligan: Uhhgghh. Ow, I’m hurting all over.


Davewooligan: At least you are living!!!


(Davewooligan makes a choking sound and dies)


Davehooligan: Noooo. My love!!! I shalt not live one more moment without thee.


Davis: Huh?


David (looking at Davis and shrugging): I don’t know.


(Davehooligan takes a dagger from his pocket and sticks it through his heart)


Davehooligan: Ow, that hurts…


Davis: Wow…that wasn’t even clever.


(Davehooligan chokes and blood starts to come out of his mouth, nose, and ears)


David: Eww…that’s gross.


Binky: Not as gross as before..


Daveed: Yeah, I guess


Binky: Who do we have next?


(Shavis has an Arnold Schwarzennegger voice, he is really buff)


Shavis: ME!!! SHAVIS!!!


(Shavis sits down on the chair)


Binky: Ok what do you do?


Shavis: I am Shavis, I’m so cool!!!!


Binky: Ok…what do you do?


Shavis: I sit around looking good with my superior muscles and I shave a lot…I like to shave


Binky: Ok…what else do you do?


Shavis (shouting): What do you mean what else do I do? I sit around and I shave a lot!!!! You are confusing me!!!! AAAHHH!!!!


(Shavis gets all red and looks like he is gonna blow up)


Binky: Ok, you don’t have to answer that


(all of a sudden Shavis returns to normal)


Shavis: You want to know what I ate for breakfast today?


Binky: Sure…


Shavis: I had 3 bags of sugar, 2 bags of brown sugar, lot’s of soda which was caffeine enriched, caffeine pills, and 3 of those rush pills


Binky: Anything else?


Shavis: Oh ya…I had 4 Viagra pills too


Binky: You sure you didn’t snuff anything either?


Shavis: Actually after you mentioned it yes.


Binky: What was it?


Shavis: Mountain Dew. Then I put on shaving cream. Man’s best friend. But not that Gillette junk. Old Spice for me. Yep.


Binky: Isn’t Old Spice deodorant?


Shavis: It is??? I thought that bar looking thing was a new type of shaving cream


Binky: Nope, it’s deodorant.


Shavis: EWWWWW!!!! But I smell like I had shaved, so I guess that is ok!!!! HA HA!! I AM REBORN!!!


Binky: Uhhhh…………………………….right……..


(Shavis gets up and starts jumping up and down like a ballerina out the door)


Binky: That was weird…Ok the next one we have is…Mavis


(Mavis comes in and sits down)


Mavis: HELLLLOOOO!!!!!


Binky: Hi


Mavis: HELLLLOOOO!!!!!


Binky: SHUT UP


Mavis: I’m sowwie


Binky: What the hell do you do?


Mavis: gee uhhhh…




Mavis: uhhh…I work at fast food restaurant…….I think…


Binky: GET OUT!!!! AAHHHHHH!!!!!!


(Mavis gets up jumps over the chair and the chair falls down and Mavis falls too. Mavis scrambles to his feet and runs)


David: HA HA HA HA! That guy was WEIRD


Binky: Yeah I guess so. Next we have…Dave Bond?


Dave Bond: Yes, that is right


(Dave Bond comes in elegantly and sits down)

(Binky looks at him strangely and examines that he has a suit and a tie on just like James Bond)


Dave Bond: Unlike that phony James Bond, I like it stirred, not shaken. And I say Dave, Dave Bond.


(Binky looks at him stranger then before)

(Dave Bond looks back)


Binky: hmmm……ok so are you done?


(Dave Bond is still looking at him)


Binky: You sure you ain’t gay? Cause if you are you’ll end up like that mess down there


(Dave Bond looks down at it and goes back in his chair with eyes wide open)


Binky (while turning his head to look): Hey, it ain’t that gross


(Binky’s eyes go wide open too)

(on the floor Davehooligan has a fountain of blood coming out of his mouth)




(David walks in with coffee and a doughnut)


David: …get away from me Davis this is my stuff..


(David looks at Davehooligan)


David: WAHA!!!!


(David spills the coffee on Davis and the doughnut lands on the floor)


Davis: AAAAHHHHH!!!! HHHHOOTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M GONNA KILL YOU DAVID!!!!!!!!


(Davis goes for his neck and misses then David runs away with Davis behind him)


Davis: YOU AREN’T GETTIN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!


Dave Bond: …..um…ok


Binky: …are you done?


Dave Bond: not really…


Binky: …what else do you wanna say?


Dave Bond: I am a secret agent


Binky: uh…ok are you sure your not gay?


Dave Bond: yes


Binky: ok…your positive?


Dave Bond: YES!


Binky: ok good…too much gay activity going around here ::shivers::


Dave Bond: Ah, yes I see…


(Dave Bond looks down at the floor and looks away in disgust)


Binky: Well….what does a secret agent do?


Dave Bond: secret….stuff


Binky: oh….ok….


(Dave Bond looks at his watch)


Dave Bond: I must go now and do secret….stuff


(Dave Bond gets up and leaves)


Binky: Ok, next we have…Davib and Davik….they’re twins…


(Davib and Davik walk through the door, and raise their hands high in the air)


Davib and Davik: HELLLLLOOO!!!!




(Binky dives under his desk)


Davib: I’m not gay


Davik: I’m not gay either…though we’re called the gay brothers…


Binky: Uhh….can you go please??? Don’t call us, and we won’t call you!!!


(Davib and Davik go next to the desk and bend down)


Davib and Davik: HEY THERE!!


(Binky looks up)


Binky: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!


(Binky pushes past them, and is crawling on the floor)


Binky (crawling): Get away, get away, get away!!!


(Binky gets up and grabs a sword that is hanging on the wall)


Binky (backing away from Davik and Davib): Don’t make me chop you


(Davik and Davib walk toward him)


Davik: You think-


Davib: that will hurt us?


Binky (looking at them in a weird way): What are you talking about?


(Davik and Davib take out swords from their backs)


Davik: How do you like my sword? Made of 10 feet of titanium alloy steel and I can shoot lasers from it with its laser generator center


Davib: My sword is made of lasers and can cut through anything.


Binky: OH YEAH?? Well my sword is made of…uh…err…umm……


Davik: From the looks of it, it looks like aluminum


Binky: Uh….its a special metal, when I hold it up in the air I can blow anything up, like this….


(Binky holds his sword up in the air and it starts glowing, and a circle of red energy surrounds the top of the sword and makes it’s way down to Binky’s feet)


Davik (squinting looking at the sword): its so bright…


Davib (squinting looking at the sword): its like nothing I’ve ever seen…


Binky: AAHHH!!!!


(Binky points the sword toward Davib and Davik and the circle of red energy around the sword and Binky shoots in a beam toward them)


Davib and Davik: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!


(the beam hits Davib and Davik, and they get electrocuted then after a minute of being electrocuted they start to glow)


Davib: wha…wha, what’s happening?


(Davib looks at his hand as it starts to melt)


Davik: aahhh…..i’m not melting I’m feeling kinda bad, like a really bad stomach ache….ugghhh….


(Davik blows up)




(Davib’s face starts melting)


Davib (muffled): noooooo


(Binky watches as Davib melts into a puddle)


Binky: whoa, cool


(David runs through the TV station again with Davis close behind him)


David: AAAHHH!!!




Binky: Man, would you stop?


Davis (stops running): ok fine….it wasn’t hot coffee anyway…


David (stops running): it wasn’t???? I GOT RIPPED OFF!!!


DD (looking in through a doorway): Hey when’s my turn?


Binky: Who da hell are you?


DD: My name is Double D. David David.


David: ………you copied me!


DD: no my name is DD, or Double D




(David grabs the sword Binky has and shoots a beam at DD)




(DD gets electrocuted, you can see his bones, and he gets reduced to a pile of dust)


David: …..I sorta liked that guy….


Binky: Then why da heck did you just zap him with the sword?


David: uh, cause I felt like it


Binky: Uhhh….are we done with the list?


(Binky looks at the list he has)


Binky: YES!!!! WE ARE!!!!


David (blinks): really?


Binky: yep


Davis: HA HA!!! FINALLY!!!


Daveed: YAY!!!


(everybody just stands where they are for some time, smiling)


Binky (after a while): I’m going…


David: yeah, me too


(everybody gets out of the TV station and the lights go down)

(camera focuses on Davehooligan and Davewooligan)


Davehooligan: Ah, finally, some privacy


Davewooligan: Oh, YES!!!


Davehooligan: But first, lets get outta here. We’ll have our revenge…..someday…heh heh


Davewooligan: Yes, heh heh, I’m horny lets go to your house


Davehooligan: Ok, honey, I’ll give it to you all night


(Davehooligan and Davewooligan walk out of the TV station, holding hands)



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