Now top stories with David…
Sports with Davis…
Weather with Daveed…
A few words with Mr. Whatshisname…
and The Special Guest Corner with Binky the Clown!
Now for the top stories……David: 1. The 1st top story today is… that there is no top stories!!!!!! Isn’t that funny??? 2. We have 2 top stories today???? I thought we didn’t have any!!!!
Producer: Why don’t you look at your script?!?!?
David: We have a script???
Daveed: Of course we do you stupid dumbass!!!!!
David: Eh, Shetep
Davis: Shetep…what does that mean??
David: Something you wouldn’t understand dork!!! (note: dork means a whale dick)
Daveed whispering to Davis: Yeah, it’s a nerd mating ritual.
David: I heard that!!!!
Davis: Big whup!!!
David: Eh, go blow it out your ear!!!
Daveed: Why don’t you go blow it out your ass?!!!!!!
Mr. Whatshisname: I’m Egyptian!!!!
Producer: Shut your trap, fiddlesticks!!!!
Mr. Whatshisname: Fiddlesticks… maybe I should change my name to that!!!
Producer: You do that!!!!
Daveed (mumbling): He’s a little slow.
Binky (mumbling): That’s for sure.
Fiddlesticks: Well, I’m a lot faster than you all are… combined!!!!!!
Davis: Come over here and say that you bitch!!!
Fiddlesticks: Go stick a rubber hose up your nose!!!
Now for the sports…… Davis: Today is the fight of the century!!!! Fiddlesticks vs. Daveed!!!!
Fiddlesticks: I’m Egyptian!!!!
Davis: Unfortunately we won’t be able to cover it because it’s right after the show in the alley back there, and right after that, me, yours truly, will sock Fiddlesticks a couple of times if he wins or loses, so there is no way around it.
David: I’ll soften him up for you a little bit before you do!!!
Now for the Weather… Daveed: In the U.S.A all temperatures are -999999999999999 or below!!!!!
Fiddlesticks: Gee, that must be chilly.
Daveed: Chilly? Chilly? The temperatures are such at an extreme that no one can live with!!!
David: Not even Santa Clause??
Daveed: Not even Santa!!!
David: Not even Vanilla Ice?? Mr. Freeze???
Daveed: No one!!! Even though Mr. Freeze might think that’s all right…
Fiddlesticks: I’m Egyptian!!!
Producer: Yeah sure……………
Producer: But my butt!!!
Now for the Special Guest Corner…… Binky: Now we go behind the scenes in the White House in our hidden cameras in the dining room and the limo.
Bill: Hello, honey.
Hillary: Yeah, Whatever!!!
Bill: What’s for dinner???
Hillary: Why don’t you get off your dead ass and get it yourself!!!!
Hillary: But what!?
Bill: McDonald’s is too crowded!!!
Hillary: Then go to Burger King!!!!!
Bill: Burger King’s hamburgers are ugly with a capital UG!!!!!!!!!
Bill: You can’t tell me what to do I’m the President of the United States!!
Hillary: I COULDN’T GIVE A SHIT LESS, NOW GO!!!!!
(Bill walks to the door moaning and goes out the door.)
Hillary: I don’t know why I married that man!!!!!!
Bill (in limo with 10 hookers): Why couldn’t I marry one of you???
Binky: Uh…right. Well that was interesting. We forgot to put on censor parts, but that’s okay!!! Everybody liked it!!!!!!!!
David: This just in Bill Clinton has died of what Hillary Clinton says what Bill would’ve said of Hamburger ugliness with a capital UG!!!!!
Fiddlesticks: I’m Egyptian!!!
Producer: Let’s see you make a pyramid!!!