In the North Pole, there were two rival gangs. The Unloved Manatees “ruled the seas” and the Child Molester Penguins “ruled the ice.”
In reality, all this takes place on a little iceberg island independent of Santa Claus’ tyrannical reign called The Peninsula of the Eye. It wasn’t even a peninsula and nothing about its geological or geographical features suggested it was an eye.
Gang war after gang war was fought and many-a-manatee’s blood soiled the seas, and many-a-child-molester-penguin soiled the ice.
What these warring factions didn’t know was there was a horror trapped beneath The Peninsula of the Eye that needed just the right amount of manatee blood, penguin blood, ice, sea water, and eel droppings to regain its ultimate power.
It was Santa Claus’ secret weapon, the Electrosucker! Except he wanted to keep it a secret and didn’t think that the right concoction of ingredients would ever unintentionally be in the vicinity of the weapon.
So, it created a lot of explosions. The Peninsula of the Eye sunk into the sea. The Peninsula of the Eye was the entrance to this secret weapon and it would be really inconvenient to get into without it.
So, Santa Claus’ electricity bills went up really high and Santa Claus was really pissed off that he was stupid enough to hook up his secret energy draining machine into his own power grid.
Moral of the story: Buy energy-saving secret doomsday weapons.