Radioactive Carpet

The Video Professor: Hello, The Video Professor back again from the hospital

 

(The Video Professor waves a bandaged hand)

 

The Video Professor: last time, I was burned silly on the front side of my body with Radiator Carpet. Amazingly, we have sold, to date 13 Radio Carpets and 15 Radiator Carpets. But now, Smart Carpets has a new product that is sure to fly off the shelves! It’s the Radioactive Carpet!

 

(The Video Professor leans against a wall)

 

The Video Professor: have you ever wanted to create your own mutated animals, objects, or even mutate yourself for better or worse? No more not being able to! The Radioactive Carpet takes care of all of that! Just simply rub on this package of Nuclear waste we found in New Jersey, and voila!

 

(The Video Professor pours on some nuclear waste on the carpet and his arms burn off)

 

The Video Professor: uh oh….um….your results may vary. Only $50 for the carpet and $1300 for a 8 oz. can of nuclear waste!

 

(end)

 

Radiator Carpet

The Video Professor: Hello! I’m The Video Professor with another product from Smart Carpets. Its called Radiator Carpet!

 

(The Video Professor lies down on the carpet in front of him)

 

The Video Professor: do you just happen to be cold-blooded or feel like being a lizard or a spider for no apparent whatsoever in you life? Look no further than the plug-inable Radiator Carpet!

 

(The Video Professor rolls around)

 

The Video Professor: IT works like a VCR in the sense that you don’t know how to program it, and it can plug into an outlet! But there are some drawbacks…

 

(The Video Professor gets 3rd degree burns all over his body)

 

The Video Professor: We have yet to come out with a model that you can actually control! Only $1500, at your local Smart Carpeteers! AHHHHH! THE BURNING!!!

 

(end)

 

Radio Carpet

The Video Professor: Hello. I am the Video Professor. Since I am piss poor because I was practically giving away my CDs to help people learn how to use their computers, I’ve decided tow work for Smart Carpets, the best wholesale carpet makers ever. Today, I’m here to show you their latest product. The Radio Carpet

 

(The Video Professor sits on a chair in front of a carpet)

 

The Video Professor: It works just like a VCR, except it’s a radio and has nothing to do with a VCR. It actually blows up all VCRs in a 10 centimeter radius if you’re not careful! I’ll show you how it works.

 

(The Video Professor leans toward the carpet)

 

The Video Professor (screaming): I want to listen to Backstreet Boys!

 

Radio Carpet: You’re gay. Here’s some N*Sync for the day!

 

(N*Sync music starts playing)

 

The Video Professor: This is a happenin’ beat!

 

(The Video Professor smiles)

 

Radio Carpet: Hey, this got flare, how above some music from a guy named Dave!

 

(Dave Mathews Band starts playing)

 

The Video Professor: The whole carpet is mixed in with millions of mini-speakers and mini-microphones. Every time it changes music it makes a rhyme, too!

 

Radio Carpet: That’s right, Pro, how about some Cro-ws?

 

(Crows start to squawk from the carpet)

 

The Video Professor: Well, there are some drawbacks…you can’t walk on the carpet because of the speakers and microphones and sometimes it picks something bad!

 

Radio Carpet: I’m hungry, how about some music from Hungary?!

 

(The Video Professor looks at the camera with a weird face)

 

The Video Professor: Only $36000! Would you please buy it? Please?

 

(end)