Joke #9297: The Last Straw

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.

Roberts looks around and asks, “Now, who is going to tell the wife?”

They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse than it is.

“Gentlemen! Discreet? I’m the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me.”

Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.

Rippington says, “Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.”

She hollers, “TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!”

Rippington says, “I’ll tell him.”

 

Plastic Straws

Ok, there is something i really do not get, thoes stupid plastic straws that come in colorful, fun-looking bags, then when you open them, it is just a bunch of cheap stupid CRAP!! I mean, you cant even drink with them, its just one of those things thats supposed to help you do something, but just really messes you up more than anything!! you see, whenever you stretch out the little bendy parts of it, it gets a hole in it, so being the stupid person that you are, you dont notice and you go about your business, doing whatever, while you try to slurp on your crap and grape juice gets

all over you!

so then when you write a complaint letter to the stupid company and they dont even bother to write back, because they have the whole “im better than you because i make colorful straws that dont work for a living, and you are just some idiot with grape juice on your shirt” kinda attitude!! stupid plastic straw thingys!!