Take Two Buys EA – TTEA Is Made

This entry is part 3 of 4 in the series This Is Satire

Teastounding!

In what could be an astounding chain of events, Take Two has announced they have bought Electronic Arts.  Not disclosing any details of the transaction, Take Two interim CEO Benjamin Feder is hailed as a mastermind of negotiation.

“This isn’t some herbal supplement we’ve got here.” elaborated Chairman of the Board Strauss Zelnick.  “This is real Earl Grey tea.  None of that flavored stuff you get at some knock-off Trader Joes kind of place.”

The new company will be named TTEA – pronounced “Tuh-tee.”

You can expect to see a lot more games based on tea, starting with the spin-off of the Grand Theft Auto series, GTeA.

GTeA follows a know-nothing Eastern-European criminal that makes his way to the top of the tea industry, finding out the best way to make tea.  Platforms announced are the PS3 and 360. The Wii will also be getting its own delightful version of GTeA called GTeAWii in which you can actually stir the tea before giving it to your gangster friends.

Merchandising for GTeA will include a special brand of Tea, aptly named, GTeA.  One teabag of actual GTeA will come with each copy of the GTeA game, with whole packages being sold exclusively through Amazon.com.

“We feel that giving the user the ability to experience the tea that they see, hear, and make in the game is important to the synergy of the game and this merger,” newly appointed Chief of Tea John Riccitiello.

Commenting on the merger between Take Two, EA, and his new appointing in the corporate structure at TTEA, John Ricciteiello is “glad to finally be able to focus on what my life has really been all about — tea.  I hate all that money talk, what’s it all matter if you can’t get a good cup of tea at the end of the day?  I’ll make sure that every employee at TTEA gets the tea they deserve, as Chief of Tea.”

In the coming weeks, the board of TTEA will re-evaluate every single product that has begun development in the past year to refocus on making their games more “tea-oriented.”

“It’s unfortunate that so many games will be released before we are able to re-evaluate the value of releasing games that do not have anything to do with tea, but rest assure that BioShock 2 will be all about rescuing a crate of tea from the hands of that Colombian guy with the donkey who shows up in your window randomly and makes people drink evil coffee.  Oops, I didn’t just give away the story did I?” Strauss Zelnick stated at the press conference.

As a result of the announcement, Activision Blizzard has shown no remorse in the affability of the new mega-corporation’s name, simply stating “Ours is worse.”

 

Google April Fools Day Links

These are the links to all of the Google April Fools Day jokes.  They’re pretty funny.  If I’m missing one, feel free to leave a comment and I’ll add it to the list.

2013

Google Nose

Gmail Blue

Find Treasure with Google Maps

2012

Gmail Tap

Chrome Multitask

The YouTube Collection

Elegantizr

Google Really Advanced Search

Google AdWords Click-To-Teleport

2011

Gmail Motion

Comic Sans for Everyone

2010

Google is now Topeka

Google Translate for Animals

Standard Voice Mail mode for Google Voice

Chrome Sounds (Google Chrome Addon)

2009

CADIE

CADIE’s home page

gBall

2008

Virgle

Gmail Custom Time

Google Weblogs

Google Book Search Scratch and Sniff

Google Talk Goes Green

2007 

Google TiSP

Google Paper

2006

Google Romance

2005

Google Gulp!

2004

Google Lunar Jobs

2003

Google Pigeon Rank

2002

Google Mental Plex