“Katy Perry – Dark Horse” Breakdown

This entry is part 13 of 13 in the series Dave's Breakdown

To continue on the earlier thought that practically every song Katy Perry sings is about Katy Perry taking it from a very large penis in some shape or form, her recent single “Dark Horse” is also about a big penis slapping the shit out of her ovaries.   In this edition of Dave’s Breakdown, we’ll go over the lyrics of this song with a fine toothed-comb.

[Juicy J:]
“Yeah / Ya’ll know what it is / Katy Perry / Juicy J, aha. / Let’s rage”

Okay this part is your normal introduction of the “guest” singer in a song.  So we have it established that this guy “Juicy J” is the object of Katy Perry’s lower abdominal discomfort.  As his name implies, he probably has a very large, juicy penis.  Or at least, that’s what we’re supposed to believe.

[Katy Perry:]
“I knew you were / You were gonna come to me”

Well, you can’t get more blunt than this.  This guy is “cumming” to her!

“And here you are / But you better choose carefully”

Choosing what, you might ask?  I’m guessing anal or vagina.  You have to choose carefully because if you go anal you can’t go vagina unless you trade out the condom because then there will be shit on the condom and putting shit into a vagina isn’t nice for anyone.

“‘Cause I, I’m capable of anything / Of anything and everything”

She’s open to every position you can think of, and she is very flexible.

“Make me your Aphrodite / Make me your one and only / But don’t make me your enemy, your enemy, your enemy”

Something about not being open to threesomes.

“So you wanna play with magic / Boy, you should know what you’re falling for”

Play with “magic” being semen swirling inside of her vagina.  Falling, because when she squirts, she squirts with such force she’ll make you fall backwards.

“Baby do you dare to do this?”

It is pretty dangerous because her vagina/ass is very tight.

“Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse”

Now, here it is.  She is riding the “you” in the song like a horse, but a dark one.  Because you didn’t expect her to be so easily fuckable.

“Are you ready for, ready for / A perfect storm, perfect storm”

She’s so perfect in bed, the sheets will wrap up like a tornado or something, and you can’t get out until you rip a tendon.

“Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine / There’s no going back”

Once you decide to go steady with her, anal is off the table.

“Mark my words / This love will make you levitate”

Your semen is going to “levitate” cause you’re going to be laying down while she’s riding you like a (dark) horse.

“Like a bird / Like a bird without a cage / But down to earth / If you choose to walk away, don’t walk away”

You can’t leave until you make her squawk like a bird.

“It’s in the palm of your hand now baby / It’s a yes or no, no maybe / So just be sure before you give it all to me / All to me, give it all to me”

Katy Perry’s ovaries are in your hands and you have to put them back inside her vagina, fertilized.

[Juicy J – Rap Verse:]
“Uh / She’s a beast / I call her Karma (come back) / She eats your heart out / Like Jeffrey Dahmer (woo) / Be careful / Try not to lead her on / Shorty’s heart is on steroids / Cause her love is so strong / You may fall in love / When you meet her / If you get the chance you better keep her / She’s sweet as pie but if you break her heart / She’ll turn cold as a freezer / That fairy tale ending with a knight in shining armor / She can be my Sleeping Beauty / I’m gon’ put her in a coma / Woo!”

Translation:  Wear a condom or you’re fucked in more ways than one.  Knight in shining “armor” indeed…

“Damn I think I love her / Shorty so bad, I’m sprung and I don’t care”

Not even trying to hide that this part is about a penis.

“She ride me like a roller coaster / Turned the bedroom into a fair (a fair!)”

Usually roller coasters come with lots of safety precautions, but once you’re set up, its going to be up and down, up and down, up and down, and possibly barfing at the end because of all the nausea/gagging.  There will also be lots of gross food and cotton candy pubic hair.

“Her love is like a drug / I was tryna hit it and quit it / But lil’ mama so dope / I messed around and got addicted”

Funny how they use a word that has the word “dick” in it at the end of this verse.

In conclusion, Katy Perry has big boobs, but now her songs are more about being exclusive to one person and getting only one person to fuck her brains out in a consistent relationship rather than as a fleeting one night stand like in her song “Firework.”

 

Squacklecast Episode 9 – “We Make Them Only to Kill Them”

This entry is part 9 of 31 in the series The Squacklecast

Summer movies are in full swing, and this time we take a look at Prometheus as well as the upcoming summer schedule of movies.  Its a big year for super heroes but not much else to get excited about.

WARNING: THERE ARE SOME PROMETHEUS SPOILERS!  You can skip to about a third of the way through and skip all the Prometheus stuff if you care.

Prometheus is a film that raises more questions than answers, like:  “Why would you kill Charlize Theron?” and “Why didn’t we see that scene with Charlize getting it up the butt from the big black dude?”

And there’s also all that hullabaloo about the origins of man and the beginnings of the Xenomorphs, but that’s all secondary.

Inception noise?  Meet your match:  PROMETHEUS NOISE!

Adam Sandler is intentionally making shitty movies.  Its the only explanation.  He just needs to stick with family comedies and dramatic movies, apparently.

This summer has a list of movies it wants to murder, and its gotten a few of them already:

Battleship: Sunk

The Dictator: Assassinated

Dark Shadows: Black Eye

Chernobyl Diaries: Nuked

Prometheus: Hospitalized (In the baby ward)

That’s My Boy: Murdered

Rock of Ages: Murdered

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter: Pending Assassination

Brave is another one of those Pixar movies that I’ll probably just hate.  I hate more Pixar movies than I do like them, apparently.

Owen Wilson:  I don’t like his voice, and I don’t like his face.

Finding Nemo had the worst characters of any Pixar movie ever.

The Good Dinosaur is probably just The Good Shepherd but with real dinosaurs, not people you could call dinosaurs.

Its actually worse than that.  It has Lil’ Wayne in it.

Pixar has an impressively boring list of upcoming movies.

Magic Mike has Channing Tatum in it.  Like, OH EM GEE.

Directed by Steven Soderbergh, no less.

How does Tyler Perry keep making movies?  He’s like Adam Sandler but successful.

Katy Perry: Part of Me: Pending Stage Collapse

Savages: Dead on Arrival

Step Up Revolution: Someone Will Step Down (In the government.  Get it? Revolution?  Government?  Step Down?)

The Watch: Legally murdered.  Maybe.

Total Recall: Unfortunate Death Due to Lack of References.  Please resubmit an application.

Expendables 2: Expendable (get it?)

ParaNorman: Already Dead

Resident Evil: Retribution: Been Dead

Sean Bean: Died 20+ times.  Save Sean Bean!

That’s it for this week, folks.  Hope you like our rudimentary coverage of what’s to come for this summer in the movies.

If you want to be on the Squacklecast, let us know!  We can schedule you for an interview and you can hang out with us for an hour.

 

Squacklecast Episode 1 – “Episode 468”

This entry is part 1 of 31 in the series The Squacklecast

Hello everyone!  This is the first episode of the Squacklecast, named “Episode 468,” with your hosts davepoobond and Solid Billy.  If you aren’t aware, you can click the “play” button above to start the podcast.  You can also play it in a popup window or even download it.

This post is meant to supplement the Squacklecast so that you can easily refer to all the things that we are talking about.

Katy Perry – Part of Me music video

Taxi Driver is a movie with Robert De Niro and Cybill Shepherd.

That Justin Bieber magazine cover I was talking about:

He looks like a girl.

He looks like a girl.

Lesbians That Look Like Justin Bieber on Tumblr.com

Sarah Jessica Parker Looks Like a Horse.com

This movie that I hate called The Blind Side.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Sandra Bullock is good in Crash because she’s good at being a racist.

But her best movie is really Demolition Man.

The necessarily annoying foil to Keanu Reeves in Speed.

That He-man recut of that LMFAO song.

Bridesmaids was bad.

Ninja Vixens on Google Image Search

Surf Nazis Must Die

And here’s a Youtube trailer.

Netflix doesn’t have Hard to Kill

But they have Ernest Goes to Camp.

Ernest Goes to Camp is 4.99 at Best Buy but you have to get 2 other movies too…

Solid Billy is still waiting for Steel, the blacksmith empowerment film, on Netflix!  Get on it, Reed Hastings!

Fresyes?  More like Fresno, since they rolled it out everywhere recently – Doritos Tacos Locos at Taco Bell.

A tribute to 3D chips.

Samuel L. Jackson dies in Deep Blue Sea.  Or was it the Abyss?  I don’t even fuckin know what movie I’m watching.

The Abyss is about aliens in the water.

I swear I saw Avatar.

Avatar is a total rip off of the following movies:

Fantastic Planet

ThumbelinaThe Love Story in Avatar is pretty much this movie.

Fern Gully: The Last RainforestI swear this is pretty much the trailer for Avatar.

WE NEED A SPORTS GUY

I might have talked to her once on the phone…

So hawt.

Davepoobond talked to her on the phone once, maybe.

How to Make a Better Podcast

Until next time, folks!

 

Funny Search Terms

Sometimes people find Squackle with odd or funny search terms.  They’re so funny or weird sometimes, that I feel like I need to share it with the world.  Not saying that there isn’t a lot of weird shit on this site, but there are times where I just don’t expect certain search terms to actually lead to Squackle.  Also, I wouldn’t mind being the number one search for “what sound does a beaver make.”

Here’s a list of the exceedingly funny search terms as I see them, newest on top:

pictures of guyz fucking there girl friend

how to say huge ass in a fancy way

boy inserting finger in girls asshole sexy hd pics

girls from america sexy nice vagina sexy

grandma is raped with toothbrush

i want to be a cashier and i dont have experience so can google teach me some lessons

sexy ladies sex fuck hard

what is a good porn name for a girl named ann catherine

why the f*ck are asian women so attractive

fireworks of cum and semen

sexy little girl feet on balls

i want to download a beautiful and sexy lady age under 26 that has a lot of photos on facebook

thumbelina hentai

sexxxxy sendals zapanis young cute girl feets

how to draw dick using alphabets

sign me up by email for nasty gay black porn

knock knock jokes about livers

most fucking sexiest ever women wallpaper

pictures huge female holes and the long trailing tities

fat bitches having a motherfucking orgy

gay man sit on mens face and fartshit

does katy perry let guys cum inside her

sexy girl doing fuck in youtube

cute hot fat woman boob

asian girl full hd cute witn attitude

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dave’s review rating on penius enhancers

backpack that looks like a little boy from the waist down

mom fucks barney the dinosaur

what is a good website for robot porn

girl fucking a guy while talking on the phone with her boyfriend

you dont need a boyfriend to have sex

pure uncut heroin

chumlee shemale having sex with a girls manga

neighbors hate us because i married a felon

i want to cum in katy perrys mouth

molested pinball

real free gay porn by email

Football players asses

white guy saying fucking rice to every mustang that passes by

child molesting manatee

teens using tampons with whiskey

tall girls are racist

girl pump fart

can you fuck a vacuum

masturbate bicycle

monkey pooping on a car window

chat with someone horny site

seeing tv reporters panties

what cream for ass

what sound does a beaver make

degrassi has muslims in the show

ass-hole kingdom

filthiest way of saying butthole

woman doing toilet with lion

why da fuck people always getting shot in degrassi

katy perry penis face

girl puts 4 tennis balls in her ass

college fuck festival

subway sandwich girl sucking cock

 

“Katy Perry – Firework” Breakdown

This entry is part 4 of 13 in the series Dave's Breakdown

I don’t know if it’s just me or not but Katy Perry’s Firework song is strange.  Not only does comparing yourself to a 2-second burst of light that is simply forgotten (honestly, do you remember every firework you’ve seen?) a terrible way to try and influence teenage girls into having self-esteem about themselves or whatever, but there’s a completely different way to look at this song.

It’s about a huge penis.  A penis that Katy Perry is sucking and is blowing its load all over her face.  To make my point clear, I’ll point out all the parts of the song where it can be taken as such in this edition of Dave’s Breakdown.

“Do you ever feel/Like a plastic bag/Drifting through the wind/Wanting to start again

Obviously this “plastic bag” is a condom.  The guy that Katy Perry is blowing has blown his load already and Katy Perry has slapped off this condom so she can get the full taste.  She “wants to start again,” after all.

“Do you ever feel/Feel so paper-thin/Like a house of cards/One blow from caving in”

They’ve been at it for so long that both parties are simply exhausted, however they’re still going to go at it cause Katy Perry has a huge rack and its impossible to get unhorny during sex with her.  So, one more “blow” and they’re about to cave in and pass out from exhaustion.

“Do you ever feel/Already buried deep/Six feet under/Screams but no one seems to hear a thing”

Six feet under buried under a mountain of cum, it seems like.  “Screams” because she’s orgasmed like 15 times already.

“Do you know that there’s/Still a chance for you/‘Cause there’s a spark in you/You just gotta”

Even though they’ve had sex like 15 times already, there’s still a little bit of cum inside this penis.  Gotta make it 16, after all.

“Ignite the light/And let it shine/Just own the night/Like the Fourth of July”

“The light” being the huge penis, of course.  Let it shine, like sunlight in your face.

“‘Cause baby, you’re a firework/Come on show them what you’re worth/Make them go, “Oh, oh, oh”/As you shoot across the sky”

Cause the penis is like a firework and is exploding across Katy Perry’s face.  Obviously she’s going “oh oh oh” cause she’s having sex, and once the guy is about to cum she takes the penis out of her mouth and then the cum shoots across the sky, onto her face.

“Baby, you’re a firework/Come on let your colors burst/Make them go, “Oh, oh, oh”/You’re gonna leave before they know”

So, we know this guy is a firework cause he’s blowing up.  And his “colors bursting” is obviously his oddly colored semen.  And he’s gonna leave before someone knows he was there because they shouldn’t be doing what they’re doing (uh oh!)

“You don’t have to feel/Like a waste of space/You’re original/Cannot be replaced”

Basically this means this huge penis is so nice and big that she could never want another.

“If you only knew/What the future holds/After a hurricane/Comes a rainbow”

The hurricane is in Katy Perry’s vagina with a huge penis storm.  After that, a rainbow from this guy’s penis into Katy Perry’s mouth, like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

“Maybe the reason why/All the doors are closed/So you could open one/That leads you to the perfect …”

So I guess they closed all the doors so no one would see them fucking, and the only one open is the bathroom so they can have sex in the shower too.  And that is probably the preferred method of sex for her since it “leads you to the perfect.”

“Like a lightning bolt/Your heart will glow/And when it’s time you know/You just gotta”

Meaning you just gotta cum on her face.

“Ignite the light/And let it shine/Just own the night/Like the Fourth of July”

“Turn on the light, I want to see the huge penis in the light now, and just fuck me like you did on July 4”

“Boom, boom, boom”

This is the penis slapping into Katy Perry’s vagina hole and/or mouth.  Maybe ass, if she’s into that.

“Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon”

It’s bright because it got into her eye and she can’t see anything but white.

“It’s always been inside of you, you, you/And now it’s time to let it through”

“It” being the cum and its coming out and onto her face.

In conclusion Katy Perry has a huge rack and everything she sings is about sex.