National Stay-In-School-Longer-Than-Necessary Day – n. a holiday that occurs on July 2nd.
National Love-The-House-You’re-In Day – n. a holiday that occurs on July 3rd
National Sibling-Birthday Day – n. a holiday that occurs every year on July 10th
Talk Like a Pirate Day – n. an international holiday that occurs every year on September 19th. You talk like a pirate all day. There’s a web site for it here: http://www.talklikeapirate.com/
National Realize-The-Romance-You-Have-Isn’t-Going-To-Work-Out-And-Move-On Day – n. a holiday that occurs on January 2nd
National Be-Envious-Of-The-Girl-You-Like’s-Boyfriend Day – n. a holiday that occurs on October 26
National Go-Out-And-Conquer-Something Day – n. a holiday that takes place on May 27.
National It’s-All-About-My-Birthday Day – n. a holiday that takes place on August 14th.
The Curse of the Halloween Pencil – n. all Halloween pencils have a curse. If someone breaks a Halloween pencil in half, they instantly become a wussy pansie for the rest of their life. Be careful out there, if you break a Halloween pencil, you’ll never get laid again! (by a girl, if you’re a guy, or a guy if you’re a girl, unless money is involved).
Friday the 13th – n. the ultimate day of bad luck. Be careful this day, you may fall off buildings and other things you thought you would never fall off. There is also a high probability of getting all the curses in the world that have ever existed, simultaneously.
Drop Bear – n. a famous Australian bear that lives in trees. They are called Drop Bears because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. The only deterrence to these bears is by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
shrimpanzee – n. a monkey that was genetically spiced with a shrimp. Has the skills of swimming underwater for lengthy amounts of time, and throwing poop through water with nearly no water resistance.
moantain – n. the kind of mountain you moan at when you realize you have to climb it
first-aid kitty – n. a cat who’s joined the Red Cross
gigglepuss – n. what you get when you cross a cat with a hyena