okay, a friend of a friend of mine was having trouble getting rid of a leech-like ex, so she sought to me for advice…unfortunatly, although i may be insightful, i’m not really the helpful “type”.
(i’ve edited down all the boring stuff and just posted the good stuff….i guess……
Rainy: i want to shoot my xboyfriend
MadManWithAnAxe: go for it
Rainy: will you do it
Rainy: and never tell a soul
MadManWithAnAxe: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllll no
Rainy: well i cant have my prints on the gun
MadManWithAnAxe: hmmm….. cut off your hands
Rainy: then how can i shoot?
MadManWithAnAxe: pssh, fuck….it’s all about the details for you
Rainy: yes, i think i could actually do it if i tried
MadManWithAnAxe: yeah, you’ll figure something out
Rainy: im thinking im gonna date him again and torture him
Rainy: but then ill have to put up with all his whiney bitch hit
Rainy: what should i do bradith, what shall i do?
MadManWithAnAxe: hmm……okay, i got it……… from now on…be wearing a ten gallon hat AT ALL TIMES….he’ll eventually be too ebarassed to be seen with you
Rainy: ive actually tried wearing embarassing hats, he diddnt care
Rainy: he thought it was cool
MadManWithAnAxe: hmmm……..okay, then what you need to do is cut off his penis with an x-acto knife and then tatoo a huge smiley face on his chest with text that says “this boy ain’t got no weenie”
Rainy: if i could i would but i dont have the means
MadManWithAnAxe: aw, snap
Rainy: got a more practical idea?
MadManWithAnAxe: you mean one that you could actually do?
Rainy: what else ya got?
MadManWithAnAxe: this is going to take a while to type, be patient
Rainy: im sharpening my claws while i wait
Rainy: done yet?
MadManWithAnAxe: Okay, take him out on a date, to like, wal-mart or something, i don’t know…i’m not very good at dates…….anyways slip some roofies into his icee…. when he passes out, drag him back to your place and douse his face with ether so he stays passed out….. get some meat hooks and put
two through his hands, one through the back of his head, and one in his lower back. put ropes through the hooks and tie them to two 2×4’s in a criss-cross pattern like this +… when he comes to, you will have turned him into a human marionette, and he will be naked in the street dancing(not of his own
will of course)…..now, have a tape player and get yourself the soundtrack to CATS, when that’s playing, use a stick to make him mouth the words…if that doesn’t make him hate you…..nothing will….
Rainy: yeah, still a little impracticle
MadManWithAnAxe: :-\really? i’ve done it….several times, actually
Rainy: oh, come on, seriously, i need to get rid of him
(at this point, i had to go)