Sauen’s Christmas Game (PC) Review

Developer: Sauengames

  Sauen's Christmas Game (PC) (1.7 MiB, 465 hits)

Game by Sauengames, made with Game Maker.

Overview:

Sauen’s Christmas Game is a shitty compilation of 7 games. These games are so shitty, that you’ll have more fun taking a shit than playing any of the 7 wonderful (and I use that sarcastically) games. These games cannot compare to shit. Shit smells better, looks better, and sounds better.

Graphics:

Well, remember what I said about shit looking better? Well, it does. The graphics suck ass, and the people are so small in the games you can barely make out any detail. I don’t know if its a guy’s penis or his arm. The only mini-game that is not included in this realm of shittiness is Snowball Challenge, where the graphics are actually decent, and if you play it first, gives a false impression to the quality of the rest of the mingames.

Sound:

There’s a couple of songs you can choose from on the main screen. There’s no song that starts out though, and you’re presented with 3 options. Music 1, No Music, and Music 2. They’re both Christmas songs.

Gameplay:

The gameplay in this game varies from game to game. Here’s a rundown of all the different games.

Snowball Challenge – This game is stupid. All you do is click, and hope the snowballs will hit the furry little purple guys that are trying to rape your elven army.

Ufo! – You’re a rocket. And you’re trying to dodge the mean ol’ rain clouds. No problem, you can just blast them away with your 3-way machine gun! HOORAY! You also get 5 rockets that don’t do anything better than the machine guns.

Sliding Challenge – What do you get when you cross Ski-Free and a not very creative programmer? A CONTEST OF BRUTE STRENGTH WHILE SLIDING ON SLEDS, THAT’S WHAT IT IS! You race the computer down a hill with trees and rocks and the computer always wins.

Protect the Iglos – Yes, I know it says “Iglo.” That’s how its spelled in the game. Obviously an iglo is different from an “igloo” in that it has a chimney (in case you ever wanted to start a fire inside the iglo) and an ice door on it. This is basically a stupidly shitty version of Cliff Gunner. Like we need to have a Christmas version of it around.

Ice Fishing – Ever wanted to play ice fishing? Well, your dream has come true! Except there really isn’t any ice that you drill through…and there’s fish that are about 50 feet long…and its pretty god damned shitty….did I mention that? I think I said shitty around 15 times by now.

Ice World – Oooh. Tantalizing name isn’t it? Well, its, yet again, another shitty game. You’d think this was a mad dash across the screen to get to the other side of the “world,” but you actually have to collect as many of the shit coins as you possibly can, without running into any ice fragments. Welcome to Ice World, the shittiest planet in the universe.

Biathlon – Say it ain’t so! A SKIING game that makes you go around a track? Yes it is. And the funny thing is, you can’t make a complete lap around this circuit.

Crappiest Part:

The crappiest part of the game is how you will get a heart attack from playing all these games in succession. Well, I didn’t. I just had to take a crap after all of them. So I’m going to do that now.

Overall Score:

This pack of mini-games is so god damn stupid, I can only be thankful it was all put into the same game, and not made into 7 different ones. That would’ve blew hard. For this reason alone, and the 5 minutes of enjoyment I actually did get out of playing “Ufo!,” it gets a

2/10

  Sauen's Christmas Game (PC) (1.7 MiB, 465 hits)

Game by Sauengames, made with Game Maker.

2 thoughts on “Sauen’s Christmas Game (PC) Review

  1. This is too funny, most games disappear after a while, but my over ten year old game is still online. Hilarious review!

  2. Haha, thanks for the comment Sauen. Hope all is well.

    GameMaker is a completely different beast than it was back in the day. Unfortunately many of the old games from then don’t work on modern OSes anymore 🙁

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