1. Lose or get kicked out of your house, or don’t. Its more authentic and makes you look more believable that you are homeless. Make sure you have a few sets of your favorite run-down and smelly clothing with you to change into.
2. Get lots of cardboard and a pack of markers that are all black
3. Jog to your nearest freeway enterance or exit, highly populated area where there are lots of people willing to spend money, or right outside a McDonalds, with your supplies.
4. Write some stuff on the cardboard from this list:
- Will work for smoothies
- FART! Give me money!
- A penny for my thoughts?
- Can i go home with you?
- Help! I can’t read or write!
- Don’t you feel sorry for me?
- Donations right here!
- Oh no!!! BSB are coming to town! Give me money so I can get out of this cursed land!
- AOL got me here!
- Just toss anything, that I can use at me, please!
- Hell – why lie? I need a drink
5. Hold up your signs so people can see you and feel sorry for you and probably give you money or anything else they feel like giving you. WARNING: This may include a few gun shots in the leg, so have a first aid kit, and make a new sign saying “i was shot in the leg! help me! give me money!”
6. If another hobo is there, move to another location, it would just be mean if you were there too, taking his customers…unless he invites you to stay.
7. If possible, borrow or buy a dog or cat and have it with you at all times. People will feel sorry for you more if you have a pet.
8. Do not drink a Starbucks or have anything really expensive looking with you while you’re on the job, people will think you’re fine and not give you money, or think your fine and steal everything you got from you. You should get things from McDonalds only, Who wouldn’t feel sorry for you then?
11. In just a few decades, you’ll be rich! Keep waving those signs, you Squackle Hobos!