This script was later loosely used in creating a movie called The River, made by the members of Squackle. Later on, there was a “Director’s Cut” Released, which was a cleaned up version of the first movie.
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Original version:
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Director’s Cut:
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NARRATOR (voice over):
Everybody has a story to tell. His is just more extraordinary than most.
CUT TO:
EXT: A park. Oliver Crane is sitting on a bench with a pile of computer books at his side. He is a large, overweight young person with long greasy hair and sloppy clothes. The book he is reading is entitled “Computer Programming in the BASIC Language”. Two other young people walk by. One of them yells
YOUNG PERSON 1:
Hey loser, BASIC’s dead.
Oliver looks up with a hurt look on his face. After the kids pass laughing he says
OLIVER:
But my only computer is a 1983 Apple IIGS.
.Oliver puts his hands on his face and begins to cry.
NARRATOR (voice over):
Believe it or not, that was the start of a beautiful relationship. Between a boy and his eyes.
Oliver takes his hands away and they are covered in blood.
Cue Music: “I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight”
CUT TO:
Title Screen: “Bleeding Eyes”.
CUT TO:
Picture of extremely cute baby.
NARRATOR (voice over):
Some people are born cute.
CUT TO:
Picture of extremely ugly baby.
NARRATOR (voice over):
Oliver Crane was not.
CUT TO:
Picture of ugly toddler.
NARRATOR (voice over):
He was ugly as a toddler
CUT TO:
Picture of ugly little kid.
NARRATOR (voice over):
He was ugly as a little kid.
CUT TO:
Picture of ugly kid at about age 10.
NARRATOR (voice over):
He was ugly as a ten year old.
CUT TO:
Picture of the kid previously seen in the first scene.
NARRATOR (voice over):
And he was an ugly teen. For some people obesity is a disease, for others it’s a way of life.
CUT TO:
Picture of Oliver with a big sandwich.
CUT TO:
Oliver is walking down the hall with his head down. The hall is empty. He approaches a locker and makes an attempt to open it. It refuses to open. He repeats this motion throughout the narration.
NARRATOR (voice over):
He was your typical high school student. President of the chess team, the drum line, and the computer club.
He was notorious for sitting in corners and crying for a half an hour or more.
Oliver gives up and screams with rage as he kicks and punches the locker. Realizing this was a bad idea, he tries to comfort his hand and foot at the same time resulting in him falling over.
NARRATOR (voice over):
Then there was his home life.
CUT TO:
INT: an average American kitchen complete with stove, oven, and sink. Oliver is sitting at the counter with a half empty glass of water. He spits in it. Enter his MOTHER, a terrifying woman.
MOTHER:
You little butt rash. You don’t spit in water. Water was given to us by the Indians on the fourth of July in 1945.
They don’t spit on the Mercedes’ we gave them in trade. It’s time to die demon. You will die and it will hurt I assure you.
She pulls out a frying pan of about medium size.
MOTHER:
Let there be light!
She hits him in the side of the head with the frying pan.
CUT TO:
Shot of Oliver’s feet. He suddenly falls over and blood spills onto the floor.
CUT TO:
The shot we left off at from the first scene where he uncovers his eyes and there’s blood all over his hands.
NARRATOR (voice over):
He now had a gift, and things would never be the same.
CUT TO:
BLACK SCREEN: “8 years later”.
CUT TO:
EXT: Empty park bench.
NARRATOR (voice over):
The injury had taken its toll on him. Among the symptoms he suffered from were hair loss
from the sides of his head, a loss of two inches of height, and severe weight loss.
Enter the new Oliver, sits down, unwraps and begins to eat a sandwich.
NARRATOR (voice over):
This was the new Oliver. And the new Oliver was a gardener.
CUT TO:
EXT: A Garden. Oliver is hoeing with headphones on. He looks at his watch, throws the hoe down, takes a sandwich out of his pocket and starts to eat it. Turns around and walks away.
NARRATOR (voice over):
That evening, Oliver decided he was hungry and stopped in at Pap Donovan’s in house market
for some pastry and a cup of Brazilian coffee with two lumps of sugar as well as a pinch of salt.
CUT TO:
EXT: A house with a sign that says “Pap Donovan’s In House Market”. Oliver enters.
CUT TO:
INT: A kitchen with a refrigerator. Enter Oliver who stops suddenly. Next camera shot shows a MAN WITH A CLUB trying to rob PAP DONOVAN.
MAN WITH CLUB:
Give me your money.
PAP DONOVAN:
Okay sir.
Attempts to walk to the money box. Man with club pushes him girlishly.
MAN WITH CLUB:
Give me your money.
PAP DONOVAN:
This is getting redundant. We’ve been doing this for half an hour.
OLIVER (near tears):
Oh my god! This is the most frightening situation of my adult life.
MAN WITH CLUB:
Shut up!
You hear Oliver begin to cry offscreen. Man with club looks dismayed, drops his club and runs outside. He gets tackled by the cops and beaten by nightsticks. We then see Oliver, his face is covered with blood and he has a maniacal look on his face.
NARRATOR (voice over):
So it begins. His destiny awaits.
CUT TO:
INT: A bedroom. Oliver is on the phone.
OLIVER:
Yeah, I have super powers. My eyes bleed. People get scared.
I’m not sure what you’re getting at but it sounds pretty super to me.
hy don’t you shut the hell up? No you shut the hell up. No you shut the hell up.
No you shut the hell up. Fine. Fine. Alright. Fine. (Hangs up the phone) Okay, so no sidekick.
Oliver walks into closet. Walks out with an oversized shirt, sunglasses, shorts, and boots on. He vogues in front of the mirror.
OLIVER:
This will do.
Cue music “You’re the Best” from the karate kid soundtrack.
CUT TO:
A Picture of a flyer saying “THE RIVER, YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD SUPER HERO”, specks of blood on it.
CUT TO:
Man runs out of store screaming. Quick shot of Oliver with blood in tear form on his face.
CUT TO:
Man drops bag of groceries and runs away holding his butt like he just pooped himself. Quick shot of Oliver with blood in tear form on his face.
CUT TO:
Man peering into a window with a pair of binoculars, turns around to see Oliver with his eyes bleeding. Hands Oliver the binoculars and runs away while fanning himself with his fans. Oliver then looks in.
CUT TO:
PEDESTRIAN 1 talking as if in an interview
PEDESTRIAN 1:
He’s incredible. He has such power. I’d let him kiss my baby if he ran for mayor. Maybe even my wife.
CUT TO:
PEDESTRIAN 2 talking as if in an interview
PEDESTRIAN 2:
I love him. I think I’m going to buy a “THE RIVER” doll and sleep with him at night to keep me safe. His eyes bleed you know.
CUT TO:
Talk show format. Oliver and MR. PHILLIPS are the guests of the TALK SHOW HOST.
MR. PHILLIPS:
Your eyes bleed. That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I wouldn’t want you to save my life. You’re a stupid superhero.
OLIVER:
Oh yeah!
MR. PHILLIPS:
Yeah!
OLIVER:
Oh yeah!
MR. PHILLIPS:
Yeah!
OLIVER:
Oh yeah!
TALK SHOW HOST:
I feel a rumble coming on here.
Both Oliver and Mr. Phillips stand up. Cut music.
CUT TO:
A Flyer reading “Super villain needed, call 555-3255 and give your personal statement.
CUT TO:
An Answering Machine. It comes on, ALBERT is on the phone.
ALBERT:
Hello Mr. “The River”. My name is Albert and I think that I’m the perfect candidate to be your super villain.
I have several reasons for thinking this. First of all, I’m mean and I can hold a grudge if I have to.
Second, I’m really tall; I often introduce myself as Albert six foot seven. Lastly, I don’t like to leave my house…ever.
I think I could do this without leaving my couch.
If you choose me for your super villain you can find me at 369 Santa Inez Road, Warehouse apartment 188.
I’m there pretty much all day. Have a pleasant afternoon Mr. “The River”. This is Albert signing out.
CUT TO:
INT: Albert is sitting in a chair in front of the TV watching Spongebob Squarepants with a box of Cap N’ Crunch. The door opens and Oliver walks in.
OLIVER:
You’ve been foiled villain.
He whips off his glasses.
ALBERT:
Oh Crap.
CREDITS.