(Mel Gibson comes out of the shadows)

 

Mel Gibson (speaking in a Scottish accent): ay! I’m William Wallace, or that guy from What Women Want, or that guy from The Patriot or one of my other 100s of crap movies I’ve made, but I’m paid by the government to be William Wallace for this public service announcement.

 

(scene switches to a can on the floor next to a recycle bin)

(Mel goes over and picks it up and throws it in the bin)

 

Mel Gibson: the government has decided Americans are too lazy, so they have made a new program, called Recycle Now or Die. The government used to endorse the peaceful “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle” program, but….nothing was happening. With Recycle Now or Die, an elite group of strong Scottish men from the movie Braveheart will kill whoever doesn’t recycle. Let’s show what happens to this litterer:

 

(fades to a guy drinking a can of soda)

(the guy finishes his soda, and throws it on the ground, when there’s a recycle bin right next to him)

(a focus on the can, and it tilts up, and you see 4 people in kilts “hiding” behind a tree, crouching. One has a sword and the other 3 have spears)

(Big Willy jumps and screams)

 

Big Willy: CHARGEEEEE!!!

 

(all 4 of them get up and run towards the guy with their weapons in front of them)

 

Guy: oh my fucking God! The Scottish are invading!

 

Big Willy: You didn’t recycle, we’re going to kill you!

 

(all 4 jump on top of the guy and start beating his ass down)

(while they’re beating him, Mel Gibson walks in front of the scene, and the camera focuses in on his face)

 

Mel Gibson: Don’t let this be you. Recycle Now, or you WILL die

 

(end)