Aguafina Man: hello. Aquafina sucks. You should buy our water instead. Aquafina doesn’t tell you what’s in their drinks. Our water is made of 100% spit. Yes that’s right. Spit. Spit is nutritious. Spit is sterile, and why not just have a bottle of our spit everyday? I’m sure you’ve had enough of the taste of your spit, am I right?

(Aguafina Man walks to an Aguafina and an Aquafina)

Aguafina Man: believe it or not, they’re made of the same thing. So why buy from those untrustworthy bastards, that promise you nothing, when you can buy from us, an honest, customer loving company that doesn’t sleep in the blood of virgins every night to stay young forever? You decide.

(end)