Billy Washer: Today on America’s Least Wanted we hunt America’s least wanted as we do on every show. Since we’re not hunting down anyone today, we’re going to send Sam Jam the Cop out onto the streets of LA to find something.

9:00 P.M.

Sam Jam the Cop: I’ve been working here in LA for 4 years. Throughout my experience I handled all types of alcoholics, addicts and druggies. It’s a tough town.

Dispatch on radio: We’ve got a drunk at the tavern. Armed with a handgun. Unit alpha tango six, please respond.

Sam Jam the Cop: I got it dispatch.

Sam Jam the Cop: We’ve got a drunk at a tavern who appears to have a gun. He had a couple of beers and went berserk. We’re heading there now.

(Sam Jam the Cop enters the scene to see Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar holding a gun aimed at davepoobond, who is the bartender at the bar)

Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar: I want more or else I’ll kill you!

davepoobond: Calm down sir, you had too many!

Sam Jam the Cop (talking to Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar): Sir, put the gun down. Please calm down!

Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar: I am calmed down!

Sam Jam the Cop: Sir, put the gun down.

Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar: Shut up!

(Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar then points the gun at Sam Jam the Cop, Sam Jam the Cop gets his gun out, but Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar then faints because of the beers)

Sam Jam the Cop: Heh, he fainted from the overdose of beers. We’re going to have to take him to the hospital.

(Sam Jam the Cop cuffs Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar)

Sam Jam the Cop: You have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do will be place against you in court…

(as Sam Jam the Cop walks out with Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar, davepoobond quietly picks up the gun, and puts it in his backpocket)

davepoobond (winking): shhh! you didnt see that

 

***

 

(Sam Jam the Cop is in the police car again speaking to the camera)

Dispatch: We got two drug dealers in the alley. They are reported to be armed with automatics. Proceed with caution, wait for backup.

Sam Jam the Cop: We’ve got two drug dealers armed with machine guns. Dispatch is telling me to wait for backup, I think I’ll head there on my own.

(Few seconds later)

(Sam Jam the Cop walks into the scene with Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar But Is Now a Drug Dealer and Thomas The Drug Lord. They look drunk and disoriented)

Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar But Is Now a Drug Dealer (slurring his words): What the heck are you doing here, copper!

Thomas The Drug Lord (slurring his words also): Yeah, get out of here or else we’ll give you lead poisoning!

Sam Jam the Cop: Men, I’m going to have to place you two under arrest for drug dealing.

Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar But Is Now a Drug Dealer: Oh no, you won’t!

(Thomas the Drug Lord and Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar But Is Now a Drug Dealer pull out guns. They start shooting at Sam (Whom is standing still doing nothing) but they are horribly inaccurate from the drugs)

Sam Jam the Cop: Ha!

(Thomas the Drug Lord and Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar But Is Now a Drug Dealer fall down)

(Sam Jam the Cop walks towards Thomas the Drug Lord and Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar But Is Now a Drug Dealer and begins to cuff them)

Sam Jam the Cop: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will be placed against you in court…

 

(end)