Dear Mike,

I hope that you will appreciate my new invention.  It is an automatic egg thrower!  I assure you it will be of really good use.  You can use it for social groups that are bothering you or people who will not get off your lawn after you asked them nicely to go or get off.  Then you can load eggs in the egg thrower and shoot them till they run away!  You will laugh at their facial expression!  There is a brochure that comes with it so you know how to launch eggs with the egg thrower.  My egg thrower is going to both the Self-Defense convention and the Joker’s convention!  All the eggs that miss your targets will be good nourishment for your grass so you do not have to pick it up.  After you throw eggs at somebody they will negotiate with you and do as you set out to accomplish.  I insure you they will.

Your best friend,

davepoobond

PS Write back soon!!!!