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This Is Satire – Civil Engineers Appalled At Grand Theft Auto IV

This entry is part 4 of 4 in the series This Is Satire

Citing a gross misrepresentation on the stability of streetlights in Grand Theft Auto IV, the Furiously Angered Civil Engineers Union (FACEU) has held a press event in the Civil Engineering capital of the world, the GameStop on Foothill Avenue in Arcadia, California.

Don Southerby, Chairman of the FACEU, said in his opening statement that his organization feels that Grand Theft Auto IV is an insult to Civil Engineers everywhere and should be pulled off its shelves, not for its varied measures of allegedly extreme violence sprinkled throughout the game, but for its “sickening misuse of Civil Engineer equipment, such as barrels full of water, orange cones, off-colored barricades, and traffic laws.” Afraid that since only children play the game, not people that drive cars, they will think that it is normal to drive like maniacs endangering all around them.

What Don Southerby was really steamed about, however, was the fact that “streetlights are depicted as frail poles swaying in the wind that a car can simply sweep off its feet and be disconnected from the power grid with little to no damage to the car. In the real world, streetlights are powerful and a car can not simply run through it. Streetlights are built stronger than trees, yet not a tree in Grand Theft Auto IV can be run down!”

Don Southerby continued, “Do you know how many streetlights prevent drunk drivers from continuing their drunken rampage? A LOT. We owe a lot to streetlights in this country and without them the world would be a cold, dark place 12 hours out of the day. Not only that, but Grand Theft Auto IV does not punish players for not following traffic laws. Traffic laws are handcrafted by painstaking research of traffic patterns at each and every stoplight out there. Running red lights in this game does not show the respect to all those Civil Engineers who risk their livelihood everyday out on the streets.”

The FACEU’s Environmental sects have also railed Rockstar Games, maker of Grand Theft Auto IV, for misrepresenting trees and grass in the game. “Trees and grass do not look like that,” said one of the supporters at the FACEU press event.

After the rally had taken its course, many attendees bought copies of GTAIV, commenting that they were “planning on burning it later where the fire would not threaten any street signs or road pavement.”

Don Southerby closed the rally, with the following comments, “FACEU will not support any game that gives you high scores for destroying streetlights and Civil Engineering equipment. These vital parts of society are here for a reason and not meant to frivolously be obliterated by people who do not follow traffic laws.”

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2 Responses to “This Is Satire – Civil Engineers Appalled At Grand Theft Auto IV”

  1. apple blog Says:

    Hey Dude how is the GTA V? Any latest news? I’m so excited for that to release in the public. you? :)

  2. davepoobond Says:

    You are a buffoon

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