– Yes = No.
– No = Yes.
– Maybe = No.
– I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry.
– We need = I want.
– It’s your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now.
– Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.
– We need to talk = I need to complain.
– Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to.
– I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron.
– This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
– I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper.
– I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
– Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.
– How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re going to hate.
– I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
– You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
– Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you’re dead.