Q: If Frosty the Snowman married a vampire, what would they name their child?
Q: What don’t you want to do when your friend is being attacked by vampires?
A: Stick your neck out for him.
Q: What do you get if you cross a telephone with a vampire?
A: A ring-a-ding ding bat!
Q: Why did the vampire answer the phone in his pajamas
A: He couldn’t find his bat robe!
First Fan: Did you see the match between Frankenstein and Dracula?
Second Fan: No. What happened?
First Fan: Frankenstein was down for the Count.
Little-League Vampire: Dad, what’s the best way to hold a bat?
Father Vampire: By the wings, son.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Q: Why did the vampire have a sore throat?
A: Because of his coffin.
Q: What happened when the vampire met a beautiful woman?
A: It was love at first bite!
Once upon a time there was a peaceful alien planet. The inhabitants of the planet, the Calcules have enjoyed many luxuries, and has seen no war for the last 300,000 years. This race focused on education and the well-being of others. Sure there was the usual crime of someone paying too much Schniza, the English translation of the money the Calcules had, for a product. Yes, life was good.
Once upon a time, there was another planet called Earth. Well, Earth was a fucked up place because they had vampires, werewolves, zombies, and bats with penises the size of an elephant’s. Well, this other race of aliens, called the 9 Star 9 80085, was on a purifying mission, and they blew up the Earth.
So, thinking nothing of it anymore, the 9 Star 9 80085s left. But the immortal creatures of the Earth flew around space for another thousand space years, which is about 300 million Earth years. Eventually they all landed on the home world of the Calcules!
There was turmoil all across the lands. Zombies were eating the aliens, and since zombies ate brains, the aliens gave them a feast! The zombies got smarter, and turned the remaining parts of the aliens into shotguns, shooting all the other aliens with them.
The vampires gouged out all the alien’s eyes and sucked out their blood like that. The werewolves cut off the alien’s necks in one swipe. The bats with big penises drove in the alien humvees, and with a gattling gun the zombies made, the zombies shot every alien they could find.
There was a professional alien game called Alienball going on too. Everyone was having a good time, and no one knew of the cataclysms going on outside. The vampires built ramps going up to the top of the stadium on all sides, and once they were all built, at the same time, 3000 bats with big penises with zombies shooting gattling guns drove up the ramps and flew into the air, all of them shooting at the same time. Werewolf paratroopers and vampire fighter planes swooped in and killed all the aliens.
Fuck you Mark.
likid – n. a pirate vampire
Q: What is a vampire’s favorite drink?
A: A bloody Mary.
Q: How many vampires does it take t oput in a light bulb?
A: None. Vampires like the dark.
schweber – n. a vampire chase