It’s not easy teaching school these days. The students are so tough, they keep the teachers after school.
Tag Archives: teacher
Joke #11972
In high school, my teacher told me I’d never be anything when I grew up. Well, now that I’m finally grown up, I proved one thing — she was absolutely right!
How You Know If You Should Have Plastic Surgery
There are many reasons why people have plastic surgery and we offer some of them here:
– You meet “Big Foot” in the woods and he faints when he sees you.
– You’re not allowed in the zoo because you scare the animals.
– An organ grinder offers you a job as his monkey.
– Your teacher makes you sit facing the back of the room.
– A cop gives you a ticket for being criminally ugly.
Joke #11529
For homework, the teacher asked her students to make a list of nine great Americans.
The next day, everyone handed in their papers except Bobby.
“Bobby, couldn’t you finish the assignment?” the teacher asked.
“I got eight of them,” Bobby answered. “But I just couldn’t decide on the second baseman.”
Joke #11504
Swimming Instructor: Remember, girls, swimming is the best exercise you can do to stay slim and beautiful.
Girl: Have you ever taken a close look at a duck?
Joke #11383
Margaret: Why are you so upset?
Abby: My teacher yelled at me for something I didn’t do.
Margaret: What was it?
Abby: My homework!
Joke #11368
In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking.
“Next question,” announced the instructor. “How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?”
I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, “How do you spell ‘intellectual?'”
Joke #11329
Q: Whom did the monster take to the valentine dance?
A: His ghoulfriend.
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Another version of this joke:
Q: Why did the ghost ask the teacher if he could change his seat?
A: He wanted to sit next to his ghoul-friend!
Valentine To Teach
Dear Teach,
Roses are red,
Violets aren’t gray,
I gave you this card,
Now give me an A.
With love,
Your favorite student.
Gross-Out Top 5 Lists
Always…
1) Look both ways before crossing the street. (Road kill should always be small animals.)
2) Eat your cereal before it gets soggy. (Gag me with the spoon.)
3) Drink your milk before it gets hot. (Barf, anyone?)
4) Clean those crusty things out of your eyes before you try to walk around in the morning.
5) Give your teacher an apple; just check for worm holes and rotten parts.
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Never…
1) Eat greasy food before going on a roller coaster. (Sometimes what goes down does come up.)
2) Pick your nose and park it on the bedpost. (Who wants to see that later?)
3) Have Doritos before going on anything resembling a date. (Breath with a bad attitude.)
4) Drink anything anybody hands you. (Lugey alert!)
5) Wet the bed if you’re on the top bunk.
Joke #11063
Q: What is my yoga instructor’s name?
A: Annie Po Zishon
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Note: I actually made this joke
Joke #10607
Q: Why did the children all eat their homework?
A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
lecture
lecture – n. process by which material is transferred from the professor’s notebook to that of the student without passing through the mind of either.
serise
serise – n. a 97,000 ton teacher
Joke #9309: The Judge Shows No Class
In the traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time.
A wild gleam came into the judge’s eyes. “You’re a schoolteacher, eh?” he said. “Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I’ve waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not drive through red lights’ 500 times!”