“Don’t touch my desk!! Leave my Patience Rock alone!!!”
– Mrs. Stickums
“ROCK MUSIC IS THE WINNER 43% of all listeners prefer rock music to jazz”
– from somewhere around davepoobond’s high school
“who wants to rock! who wants to ROOOOOOOOLLL”
– from the TV
“Life sucks, but if you put a rock in it, it rocks!”
With the price of fuel the way it is these days, when you build a snowman, you use rocks for his eyes and nose instead of coal.
Did you hear about the pet rock who took his wife for granite, so she divorced him?
“My girlfriend’s name should be Rock.”
“She has a heart of stone.”
Q: What do you call the body of a dinosaur with rigor mortis?
A: A Barney stone.
Q: What do you call a dinosaur who gets smashed with a rock?
A: Barney rubble.
Q: What do you call a western about a dead cowboy who throws rocks?
Q: What do you call a sitcom about a mummified boy-king and a kid who watches rock videos?
A: Beavis and Tut-head.
Q: How do geologists like their scotch?
A: On the rocks.
The rock broke the window
Sunny misses his old friends
My sister has told a terrible lie
Our cat worried the bird
Rock On 1992, by Sony Music Entertainment
Album Info: 12 tracks
All tracks reviewed by J2K
Track 1: Tx Rib X – Move This
I’m listening to the music of track 1, BUMPTATA BUMPTATA with woman singing like sing. Probably some woman who is actually an ape. Anyhow it keeps the DINGADINGA(tinc)DINGA and she sometimes shouts “shake dat body” and she is probably woman 20 or older. It is a lot of beats and harmony with beats. It is a long song with much potential, “people don’t you know” I do know that this song is good lol! More singing, it never ends! Please help. Serious it keeps going. More move this and move that, I am tired of moving, please stop. OK it stopped. 🙂 9/10
Track 2: Joe Public – Live and Learn
We have Live and Learn, it is by man with queer-like voice. It sometimes pauses but that is just my scratched CD! He sounds like his name is Kyle and he has had a hard life by the song. He lives and learns, he plays by the rules. This song has many beats AMUPTA AMBUMPU (petititu) BUMBP and he is singing lots and lots. His voice raises sometimes like dick in small place. He sounds like he is moonwalking across disco floor while singing, oh no there are two of him!! One is singing other say “check this out” maybe I don’t want to check it out fag! He still singing, I think it is the first one of him…pause..”yeah”..and more words. Oh he is singing about Mary earning dough, I think that means Mary has the munchies hold on let me check…OK yeah I just asked a guy in AOL chat he said “yea is good asl?” I think that means yes OK I think it is ending. Yes that is the end. It was pretty good but made me think too much about cookie dough. 7/10
Track 3: Spin Doctors – Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong
Yeah now we are talking. Major rock hits filling my eardrums now. Ooh singing like a bitch, singing very fast hard to understand what is going on. Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong yeah that’s right bitch listen to this guy singing, listen please whore. Yeah don’t cheat on me, listen to this squawking guy singing talking about french people and monkey tools. More guitar playing with occasional PUTTA…PUTTA with a BLENANA NANAWEEWEW WEWEWEWWW PUTTA PUTTA PUTTA WEWEWEWWWWW. Woo yeah! Getting into this song. Singing about cigarettes, very good! He gives dollar to person he complains about. Can’t be wroooooong yeah yeah yeah preach it my brother! Yeah keep saying it over and over, and more overs. Conclusion with slowing down the singing and OOOOOOOOOOOOH fade out, ok yeah. 7/10
Track 4: Mr. Big – To Be With You
OK this is some woman, or possibly a man, singing in church choir. People clapping. He wants to be with a woman with church choir taking time out of praying to sing about having sex with women this is great. Talking about being on top of boys. I can imagine them all eating hot dogs while singing and sometimes sucking on them thinking about babies popping out of grocery carts. Beat slowing a little. DLELELE DE DENELE DE DELNELELE etc etc. Singing about doing the twist, dramatic pause, I’M THE ONE. Yes you are the one who make crappy song ha ha hah! Choir taking hot dog break and singing in background with lead singer squealing about dick. OK end of this with huge fag growl. 5/10
Track 5: Right Said Fred – I’m Too Sexy
OH YEEEEAH. NUMBNUMBNUMB NUMNBNUMBA He’s too sexy for his shirt and it hurts, I guess he should get larger shirt aha hah haah!! Japan talk, too sexy for a party and a disco dance, more like dicko dance am I right? 🙂 He turns on a catwalk but he won’t disco dance what is with that people help me please. Too sexy for a car with beats still going the NUMBA and too sexy for hat, maybe it isn’t pink enough for him hah!!! Climatic music NLAAAAAAA rap beats BUMPP A BUMMP back to basic music shaking his tush on a catwalk and being too sexy for cat, coincidence!!!? OK. He too sexy for song, end. 6/10
Track 6: The Cover Girls – Wishing on a Star
This song sucks my small 1 inch filibuster already, talking about wishing on star. Woman with a dog biting vulva screaming at high pitches about following dreams of becoming first person to shove whole cactus up vagina. Talk of rainbows with magical wishes, long vocals now that make no sense. Music that’s WEREEERERLLTLTLWERWEWEWE and is gay. More singing about shit that I wouldn’t even ejaculate on. Maybe if you wouldn’t have masturbated with grandma’s sunshades I would not have left you in the first place bitch! Stop singing about this, sing about presents. OK more singing about dreams and going toward them like she does with many random tranny penises. Even more love and following that I wish would go away. Slowing down may be ending soon. Oh shit no there it goes again ahh!! Wishin wishin on a staaaar yeah I heard you the first time you son of a couch! OK song end 🙂 3/10
Track 7: La Bouche – Rhythm Is a Dancer
Big techno rythm! Rythm is a danca it’s a sort of cancer yeeeeeah! Woo! I can get into this pretty fast baby! BUMB BUMB A BUMB BUMB BUMB, BUMB BUMB A BUMB with DEE DEE DEE sometimes but isn’t heard that much. Rythm is a dancer and voices, with loss of beats. Now more beats, gay man with diet pill stuck in bloated throat talking about god knows what. Odd rythm DING DING, DING DOO DING. No vocals in this part just solid trance beats. Back to original music, make me want to suck my own dick with pride and jive. Feeling the groove inside my own heart. Rythm is a sort of cancer so I should probably stop. The gay body builder is back and talking about pointing his finger up his ass and accidentally sitting up and down every few seconds. Just beats now and rythm, no talking. DING DOO DINGLALA. Woo! I sweat all over like man in hot weather, balls letting loose fluids probably not originally in body out across boxer shorts. Feeling good all around, uh uh uh….oh song over 🙁 7.5/10
Track 8: Kris Kross – Jum
JUMP JUMP JUMP Kriss Kross comin at ya bitch!! Better lock your fucking doors if you know what is good for you fuckface! BLUMP..BLUMP with DUN DUN DUNH. Rythm out the perverbial ass. 8 year old churning out raps like an enflamed baboon’s ass at Macy’s parade. GO GO….GO GO with rapping inbetween. BIGLGGLLGLGLG MACK DADDY x 3 or 4! Lots of excitement! These preteens know how to party, make me feel like Larry Flint with cold sore problem. Oh short song, it is over, fun while it lasted. 8/10
Track 9: ? – Everything Changes
ENTER BIG TIME GAY MELODY with woman screaming, sounds like she ate too much chocolate crickets, I sure hope so, bitch! Singing like Michael Jackson, probably has one glove to jack off with. EVERYTHING CHANGES yeah you are right, like my sexuality! I hope you forget how to breed miss ant-eater ass! Please don’t do it anymore you hurt me with your words of song!! Tune of DNLUNDULNDULNDA ringing in ears like theme from Friends…can’t take much more, boner fading, faith in humanity slipping, pants falling around ankles. More “singing” notice I put the quotations because it is bad!! If this is singing then I am Curious George, and I am curious as to why this song sounds like someone shoved a cork under my fingernails and fucked my nostrils. OK SONG END. 1/10
Track 10: Clivillés & Cole – Pride (In the Name of Love)
OOH WEIRD AQUA beats, with mechanical clang clang!! In the name of love they say, no thanks please!!!! Ugh I am getting tired reviewing these songs made by lucifer himself or perhaps worse Pink Floyd. OK decent filtered PLUWTATA going off with emergency siren. Uh oh someone hurry and save this song from sucking cock oh too late, parachute dick is already singing about the pride of fireworks and loving rock quarries. I hate this, I would very much like to push the button that stops the sing from proceeding. They are all singing together now, sounding like ghosts being trapped in straight vortex NO THAT’S CAN’T HAPPEN they fight back and win, gay force of Europe wins again, song over. 1/10
Track 11: Heights – How Do You Talk to an Angel
Generic guitar riff sound like from MTV Music Generator for PS1, now transvestite from Conan O Brien Show doing vocals. How do you talk to an angel he asks. Well I don’t knows why don’t you research it with the two dollars you made from this song from your parents and find out. THE ANGELS DON’T LIKE THIS SONG, DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU. Don’t continue. 🙁 He keeps going not paying attention to my desperate pleas. Falling stars and such being sung about, singer couldn’t find his Casio cassette player so he decides to make a song about finding Jesus OK. I am done with this song, very bad. Not good. ….Occasional saxaphone blaring with the velocity of the singer’s flacid cock. Good song end. 1/10
Track 12: Firehouse – When I Look into Your Eyes
OH NO SAD MUSIC DENENNE DENNE NEEENE Someone who thinks he is movie star vocalling his windbox. Elton John playing piano in the back, sometimes glancing at his pointy nipples. BIG TIME ORCHESTRA EFFECT, LOTS OF PEOPLE SINGING. LIKE I GIVE A HAIRY SALMON’S PENIS. Saw coming toward his face, must sing horrible love song or have no face, what a dilemma! Oh look the SAW STOPPED.
🙁 About a minute left on this audio version of constipation, the reward is old fishsticks and powdered milk coming out of your anus!! Yes yes yes yes n..yes yes!!! YES YES AUGH YES!!!! SONG OVER, CD OVER, PAIN OVER, LIFE OVER. 1/10
What an experience! While the CD (Compact Disc) had a few good jams to offer, the others made me want to slide hot cattle prod up my peehole and ask friendly stranger to suck the side of it off while I ram it as hard as I can against a textile machine! Review over!!