Robot Porn

By Holmes and davepoobond.


HM098-1 – The Robot slut who just can’t the slut.exe uninstalled!

JKL832-2 – The repair robot who wants to show HM098-1 his HARD drive!

MAC101-3 – The iMac husband!

Tom Cruise – Eh, yeah you heard, i said tom cruise…he’s gay…

Robot Precrime Crew – Random gay guys…


Your order for the $8.99 Robot Porn Movie has been processed, movie starting…

The Scene starts off with HM098-1 in her box doing a scan disk. She has called over her repairman, JKL832-2 to fix a bug in her scan disk program.


JKL832-2: “hey there HM098-1, your gear needs readjusting”

HM098-1: “Why don’t you readjust it yourself, JKL832-2”

JKL832-2: “lemme….tighten it for you”


JKL832-2 Takes out his wrench…wow this is gettin’ kinky!


JKL832-2: “oh the WRENCH!”

HM098-1: “why don’t you rub oil on that wrench and shove it in my gearbox?”

JKL832-2: “i have to reset your fuses first”

HM098-1: “oh yeah, spark up my fuses”

JKL832-2: “oh oh oh baby!”

HM098-1: “why don’t you show me your hard drive”

JKL832-2: “show me your disk drives first”

HM098-1: “here i’ll give you my instruction manual”

JKL832-2: “Hmm very informational, i didn’t know about that”

HM098-1: “my dream robot is R2D2, he pushes my buttons…”

JKL832-2: “i want to make metal melting oily sex with you, let me insert my diskette into your disk drive!”

HM098-1: “hold on i have to format the dick…i mean disk”


Suddenly the sparks start flying as these 2 metal robots get it on! All you can hear is the sound of metal cranking.


HM098-1: “your handling me like a blacksmith!”

JKL832-2: “opening your printer and shoving in my toner”

HM098-1: “hold on, let me run my Horny program”


She runs her program, C:\Windows\Horny.exe


JKL832-2: “i cant get in the regular way…i’m gonna get in through the backdoor”


He heads to the back side for the rough ride!!!!!


JKL832-2: “hold on, i have to go on the internet and download some moaning sounds”

HM098-1: “ok but be careful, don’t unplug me!”


They keep doing there thang until HM098-1 stops and mentions something very important 0.0


HM098-1: “oh but we can’t have intercourse without protection…I have a virus”


She hands him a copy of Norton Antivirus.


JKL832-2: “dont worry baby, i have a firewall, those nasty p2p networks won’t get me! We can make a network connection anytime!”

HM098-1: “Ooh, my processor is getting HOOOOOOT!”

JKL832-2: “better cool it down, turn on your fan”


They keep doing it until a loud “YOU’VE GOT MAIL” sound comes out of HM098-1.


HM098-1: “Oh no, i got an e-mail from my husband! He’ll be back in 3.28 seconds!”

JKL832-2: “oh megabyte!”

HM098-1: “Well anyways, it was nice seeing your RAM in my backside!”


MAC101-3 rolls into his box finding his wife and the repair robot in compromising positions! HOLY SHIT!


MAC101-3: “what the megahert is happening here!”

HM098-1: “it’s nothing, you must be having a programing error!”

MAC101-3: “i’m a mac, i HAVE no errors” He turns to JKL832-2. “YOU STUPID MICROSOFT MADE ROBOT!”

JKL832-2: “oh man! dont hurt my desktop!”

HM098-1: “honey, your too much graphics, not enough hard drive! I think we should be in seperate boxes from now on”


She continues, telling him the sad truth.


HM098-1: “your…your just too perfect…i want someone who has errors all the time, like JKL832-2 and his windows program”

MAC101-3: “but that’s the reason you got me! i dont have any blue screens”

HM098-1: “but i can see right through you, and you don’t have a tower like JKL832-2”

MAC101-3: “Its not my fault my makers put my body into my head”

HM098-1: “too much broad, not enough brain”

MAC101-3: “we’re practically the same operating systems though!”

HM098-1: “well your mouse just doesn’t do the right amount of clicking”

MAC101-3: “i only have one clicking…thing”

HM098-1: “But I need a DOUBLE click, like JKL832-2”

MAC101-3: “i have a scroll wheel too”

HM098-1: “so does he…and he has a longer warranty…AND Internet Explorer!”


HM098-1: “Talk to the microphone cause the speaker ain’t listenin”


MAC101-3 runs at the other robot and kicks him with his robot foot.




Suddenly, the department of Robot Precrime crashes through the window (or does windows crash on him?)!



Tom Cruise: MAC101-3, you’re under arrest for being hot.

HM098-1: “You ASSHOLE! You ruined my windows!”

JKL832-2: “what the hell?”

Tom Cruise: “lets get him fellas”


All the precrime guys start screwing MAC101-3 in his openings…


MAC101-3: “honey! help me! i’m only a mac! i’m not made to have all these serial ports being used at the same time”

JKL832-2: “ha, serial ports. *I* have USB ports”

MAC101-3: “my serial ports are sore”

HM098-1: “Well now your files done, and it’s time to say GOODBYE!”


HM098-1 unplugs her husband.


HM098-1: “luckily our marriage was on CD-RW, now i can just write over it”


The precrime team carry him away while raping the husband (is that possible?)

The End


The Cheese Wrapper Theory

You know those Cheese Squares that come in those hard to open plastic wrappers? Those aren’t what you think they are. There actually spy cameras that have been sent here by the Canadian UnSpecial Forces and The Mexican Salsa Dancers Union. The cameras (“cheese singles”) are sold to house holds and plan to take over your fridge. You might be like: “Whoa wait a minute, MY fridge?” Yes YOUR Fridge. They plan to start a war (they are also robots) and blast everything in your fridge so it goes bad and gets all rotten and ucky and disgusting. Those lumps when your milk goes bad are the cheese’s poop. Notice how there always sold in packs and never in singles? And why are they so hard to open? It’s EASY! They just want you to throw the “cheese squares” in the fridge while they zap all your other food and make it go rotten…