Once I ate in a restaurant that was so bad, I got food poisoning just from opening the menu.
Tag Archives: restaurant
Joke #13029
I wouldn’t say the last delicatessen I ate in wasn’t clean, but the seeds in my rye bread were moving.
Joke #12900
It’s very confusing nowadays to see boys looking like girls, with the long hair and pocketbooks and even earrings. I was sitting in a restaurant when a girl came in and turned to the person at the next table and said, “Isn’t it awful how boys look like girls these days?”
“That’s my son,” she said, pointing to the girl.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were the mother.”
“I’m not,” the answer came indignantly. “I’m the father!”
Joke #12859
CUSTOMER: “Waiter, the food in this restaurant tastes terrible.”
WAITER: “I’m sorry you don’t like it, sir. Are there any other complaints?”
CUSTOMER: “Yes. Your portions are much too small.”
Joke #12611
Two gals were in a restaurant when one said, “How was your date with that hockey player last night?”
The other gasped, “It was for the birds. I won’t say he was ugly, but his hockey mask looked better than he did.”
Your Blind Date is a Dud If…
If you’re a fellow who goes out on a lot of blind dates, you’ve got to beware of real duds. Your blind date is a dud if:
– She’s the kind of girl who uses too much perfume and not enough deodorant.
– She yells downstairs that she’ll be ready as soon as she finds her wig and false teeth.
– She sticks her bublegum behind her ear to kiss you hello.
– You have to stand on a chair to kiss her hello.
–
If you’re a girl who goes out on blind dates, you’ve got to beware of losers. Girls, your blind date is a loser if:
– He has more hair on his face than he does on his head.
– He picks the lock of your front door instead of knocking.
– He shows up driving a hearse.
– He asks you if you’d like something to drink and takes you to the water fountain in the park.
– He takes you to a fancy restaurant wearing a tee shirt with another girl’s picture printed on it.
– When he meets your parents, he picks a fight with them.
Joke #11978
OVERHEARD (in restaurant):
PATRON: “Do you have pig’s feet?”
WAITER: “No. These are new shoes and I just walk that way.”
Joke #11954
Talk about cheap restaurants! I ordered hot chocolate and the waiter brought me an empty cup, a match, and a chocolate bar!
Joke #11782
Bingo: Hello? Bingo’s Restaurant.
Ringo: Hello! I’d like to know, do you serve crabs?
Bingo: We serve anyone, sir! Come on in!
Joke #11781
Bingo: Hello? Bingo’s Restaurant.
Ringo: Hello! Tell me, does your chef have pig’s feet?
Bingo: I can’t tell, sir. He’s got his shoes on!
Joke #11679
Q: Why did the alien take a ladder to the restaurant?
A: He heard the meal was on the house.
Joke #11187
Q: Why did the young man go to a restaurant looking for a skin doctor?
A: Because kids told him he had a pizza face.
Joke #11037
Q: What do you call a hamburger restaurant where kids pick their noses?
A: Booger King.
Joke #9238: On the Krakow
A man was eating at a diner, when a well-dressed man sitting next to him said, “Excuse me for intruding, but I could not help noticing your accent. Are you from Krakow?”
“Yes, I am,” replied the surprised man.
“It is so nice to meet a land kinsman here in America,” said the well-dressed man. “I tell you what. I am a vice-president at the napkin factory. If you ever need a job, give me a call and I will be happy to set you up.”
Six months go by, and the man loses his job, and decides to call his new friend. He had completely forgotten the man’s name at this point, so he decided to take a shot in the dark.
The receptionist answered, and he asked, “Pardon me, do you have a Krakauer there?”
“Sir,” she replied, “we don’t even get a coffee break!”
Joke #8876
A guy walks into a restaurant and sits down. A waiter comes next to him and asks him what he will have.
“How much does a beer cost” asked the customer.
The waiter responded: “2 cents”
The guy, quiet frankly surprised, asked: “How much does soup cost?”
The waiter responded: “2 cents”
The guy then asked “How about the steak dinner” “2 cents” was the reply of the waiter.
The guy then asked: “can i speak to the manager?”
The waiter responded: “no he’s upstairs with my wife…”
The guy then asked: “whats he doin with your wife?”
The waiter then said” The same thing I’m doing with his buisness”